Not every swindler is found on Tinder: How joint accounts can be a nightmare if things turn sour – iNews

The great poet Christina Rossetti wrote: For verily love knows not mine or thine; with separate I and thou free love has done, For one is both and both are one in love.

What a beautiful sentiment. But I wonder if Rossetti might have felt quite the same in our age of online dating, where its not uncommon to see such practices as benching (keeping some suitors warm in case others dont work out), catfishing (pretending to be someone else) and ghosting (breaking up with someone by severing all contact).

It can be brutal out there in Dating Land. The latest reminder of this comes via The Tinder Swindler, a new Netflix documentary about a serial romance fraudster.

Shimon Hayut posed on Tinder as a diamond tycoon and wowed women with flashy dates before asking them for money so he could flee business enemies.

Hayut served five months in an Israeli prison for stealing an estimated 7.4m. His awful con thrived on the fake imagery, international reach and accelerated intimacy of modern online relationships. But he also tapped into something timeless: that desire to oblige someone you love, financially and otherwise.

The obvious advice here is dont EVER give money to people youre dating and hardly know. But what about serious partners who want to set up a joint account with you? I have come across many women who were dumped only to discover their ex had saddled them with huge debts before waltzing off into the sunset.

This is more than caddish behaviour: its economic abuse. According to the charity Surviving Economic Abuse, the average coerced banking debt owed by victim-survivors is 4,607.

But economic abuse hasnt always been well understood by the financial industry. Abusers take advantage of this, as well as the instinct to be trusting and open in relationships, to manipulate partners into joint financial arrangements that can later be exploited.

Economic abuse is getting far better recognition now. The Governments Domestic Abuse Strategy, due to be published soon, will discuss how legal and financial systems can be strengthened to root out economic abuse and help victim-survivors rebuild their finances.

The Financial Abuse Code has also been tightened up, with banks and lenders required to take more care when dealing with disputes over joint finances. The problem is that a joint account equals joint liability for any debts, such as an overdraft. If your partner cant or wont pay back what they owe, the buck stops with you.

A joint account also equals joint debt in the eyes of credit reference agencies (CRAs). As soon as you take out a joint account, CRAs financially link your credit profiles, and your partners bad credit score will drag down yours, too.

You can freeze a joint account if your relationship ends, and you suspect your ex will be unco-operative or underhand. That means neither of you can access it until you have agreed on how to split the money. If you reach stalemate, you will have to go to court.

That is why joint accounts can be a nightmare if relationships go sour. Besides, your ex can clean out your account before you even have a chance to freeze it. This might be one reason why joint accounts are becoming less popular. One survey by Netwealth has found 31 per cent of women aged between 16 and 54 have decided against sharing financial assets with their significant other, while one in three regretted not maintaining financial independence in a relationship.

Of course, financial co-operation in relationships can reap rewards. Plus, the cost of housing and childcare requires two incomes stretched to the max. Money is often a big factor in divorce, but its also what forces many people to stay in deeply unhappy relationships.

Interestingly, a recent study at Stockholm University suggested that couples who pool their money together have fewer arguments. But this was more the case with older couples than younger ones and the research was conducted in Sweden. Id be careful about extrapolating such findings from one country to another.

There is nothing wrong with having a joint account if your relationship is strong and your partner is trustworthy. But dont ever think it is cold or unromantic to keep at least some of your money separate.

And I would insist on a legally binding agreement covering financial arrangements in the event of a split. A truly loving partner will always support this decision. How Id love to buy into the idealised vision of a relationship where there is no such thing as mine or thine. But sad stories of joint account abuse have persuaded me to be more hard-headed.

Now, if a partner put pressure on me to give up my financial independence, Id take my cue from the title of another fabulous poem by Christina Rossetti: No, Thank You, John.

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Not every swindler is found on Tinder: How joint accounts can be a nightmare if things turn sour - iNews