The Grand Tour Presents: Carnage a Trois, review: let’s hope the French weren’t watching – The Telegraph

Three wise men, bearing gifts, traversing afar. That wasThe Grand Tour Presents: Carnage a Trois(Amazon Prime Video).Except Jeremy Clarkson and co would rightly scoff at accusations of wisdom. And then point out that cars are much faster than camels. Oh and those gifts? A solid hour of gags at the expense of the French. Joyeux Nol indeed.

Petrolhead patriarchy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James Mayor as they were styled here Jerome Clarkfils, Richard Jambonmond et Capitaine Lentement rode back onto the streaming service with their second lockdown special, delving into the curious world of Gallic car culture. Zut and, if you will, alors.

Their road trip began in the Welsh hills, attempting a hair-raising mountain climb in French cars entirely unsuited to the task. By the time they arrived at the summit to admire the bucolic vista, their vehicles were virtual write-offs. Just a bit of wear and tear, said Clarkson with an insouciant Gallic shrug as his Citron Berlingos doors fell off.

A rallycross race to test hot hatchbacks descended into farce when it was repeatedly interrupted first for a civilised lunch of escargots, charcuterie and Chteauneuf-du-Pape, followed by track marshalls going on strike. Once the gilets jaunes had murdered the race director with an axe to the head (well, it beats punching a producer in a steak dinner dispute), proceedings got back underway.

The sequence was thoroughly stolen by production intern Marguerite, roped in solely because she happened to be French. She gave her rivals the finger and swore lustily as she drove, with subtitles handily provided: You son of a female dog! Go away in a reproductive manner! Clarkson called her brilliantly entertaining. Her own spin-off show surely beckons.

The pricey, pointless stunts were as enjoyably schoolboy-ish as ever. They defused bombs in the backs of cars to compare their suspension with explosive results. After Hammond crashed a propeller-powered Helicron, Clarkson sighed that his colleagues prangs were becoming so boring, they dont even bother filming them anymore.

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The Grand Tour Presents: Carnage a Trois, review: let's hope the French weren't watching - The Telegraph