Lockdown was simple compared to this endless Russian roulette – The Age

Yesterday, for just a fleeting moment, I missed lockdown. I would never wish for the suffering of those times to continue and it was probably just a case of transitional unease or re-entry exhaustion, but it hit me how difficult it is navigating this post-lockdown world.

It feels like everyone is trying to convince themselves that life is normal again the past couple of years just some sort of bad dream. Click your fingers and everything will be as it was: workers back in offices, restaurants booked out, classes full. But its not normal and its now become an endless game of Russian roulette every decision as to where to go and who to interact with a gamble. Lose, and its the very thing that matters the most that is lost our health and the health of those we love.

Melburnians check in to the NGV via the QR code system.Credit:ScottMcNaughton

People tell me this is the New Normal, living with COVID, but I hate the need for constant risk assessments the weighing up of every activity and whether its worth the risk, or even just worth the worry about the possibility of the risk. I hate the anxiety that lurks after the activity as to whether we have exposed ourselves, our unvaccinated children, our loved ones to this wretched virus. Whether we should visit our immune-compromised friend, that elderly relative, our newborn niece. And if so, whether we should take with us our child, the one who blew her nose once and sneezed twice but says she feels fine.

Say no to the restaurant invitation with friends and it feel like I am over-reacting, letting fear win and missing out. Say yes and end up in isolation, like I am now, after an encounter with at least three infected wait-staff at a local restaurant. At my childrens school, at least eight classes over six year levels are now in isolation after being identified as potential primary close contacts during a period of five days last week. Even if not directed to, many parents half in many classes chose to keep their unvaccinated children home yesterday and this will probably continue. More disruption and challenges for those who take that path and more worry and a feeling almost akin to guilt for those who send them off. These are hard decisions. There is no easy answer, no crystal ball.

There is damage in keeping our children home after such a long lockdown, of pulling them away from longed-for social interaction and a sense of routine and normalcy and of placing that stress back onto the family unit. There is also damage in sending them when they are aware that many of their peers are absent by parental choice why arent my parents keeping me home? They are left surrounded by a sense of unease among those remaining, clutching their sanitiser, tightening their masks. Left to worry about a stray cough, a sneeze.

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And there is damage, of course, in sending them to school and them catching COVID, unvaccinated to their own immediate health, potentially their long-term health, and to the people they may unwittingly spread it to, including those most vulnerable.

We have reached a point where we can no longer hide behind government directives and simply do as we are told. The time has come for difficult decisions and fraught conversations when your risk assessments dont match with those around you. I never thought I would say it, but yesterday, for just a moment, I did look back on lockdown as a simpler time for my own family unit. A time when we were kept safe and kept out of the decision-making, absolved of the responsibility for those we love.

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Lockdown was simple compared to this endless Russian roulette - The Age