Biden grants Thanksgiving pardons to two turkeys
President Joe Biden pardoned two turkeys, Peanut Butter and Jelly, at the White House Friday in an annual Thanksgiving holiday tradition (Nov. 19)
AP
This Thursday…
I want to welcome everyone back to Thanksgiving. Its great to see you all
Wait. Grandpa?
Yes?
Can you pull up your mask?
Uh … all right, its just a little hard to breathe …
Leave him be, Allison.
Germs are germs. And with the baby-
Hes 7, Allison.
Shut up, Ricky.
Its all right, kids. Ill pull the mask up. Now …mxphhtg grfft akkt yrttll.
CANT UNDERSTAND YOU!
Whfft?
He cant talk with that thing."
He looks like a bank robber.
Robby, why dont you start? Youre the oldest son.
All right. Lets begin with a prayer.
Wait. Who are we praying to?
Who do you think, Alexis?
Well, I dont believe in God.
Since when?
Since theres no justice in the world. Havent you been paying attention? George Floyd? Jacob Blake? Our carbon footprint?
Who left a footprint? I told you all shoes off when you come in.
Its OK, Grandma.
Mftyll gfrftil wrzzzp!
What did Grandpa say?
Look, Im just saying that theres not a lot to be thankful for this year. We live in a racist society thats unfair to immigrants and unsafe to sexual identities.
Great. MSNBC is here.
Shut up, Fox News!
Kyle Rittenhouse!
CRT!
White supremacy!
Antifa!
Kids, didnt we say no politics at the table?
We said no Trump at the table.
I thought that was last year.
We didnt have Thanksgiving last year.
Because of COVID.
We shouldnt be having it this year. Not with the babies.
Your kids are teenagers, Vicki. And theyre vaccinated.
Speaking of that, is everyone here boostered?
Sure…yes…of course…No… Yes…Naturally…
Wait. Who said no?
I did.
Cousin George?
Sorry. The CVS was closed.
You need to sit over there.
Here?
Keep going.
Here?
Keep going.
I cant see him anymore.
YOU CAN STOP NOW, GEORGE!
Look, lets just eat, OK?
Food looks great.
Is anything here vegan?
Since when are you vegan, Shania?
Since animals shouldnt die for us, thats when.
Why dont you just move into the chicken coop?
Shut up, Ricky.
I dont think we should indulge in all this food. Not when people in the world are starving.
You want us to mail it to them?
Guys! Guys! Can we stop fighting?
Who you calling guy?
Ok, girls and guys!
I prefer another pronoun.
Can someone switch the subject?
How about those Lions?
Great. Now Im really depressed.
FMTY!
Whatd he say?
FMTY!
Just take off the mask, Grandpa.
FAMILY!
What?...Yeah, what?...Say it again?…
Family! Youre all family! Listen to yourselves! You havent once asked how the other is doing! You havent once asked if you can help one another. You havent even asked if youre all healthy.
Oh…
Yeah...
Um…
You all OK?
Im all right … Im OK … I had a root canal …
Good. Were talking normal. Now. Can we cut the turkey?
Go ahead, Grandpa.
First, a prayer.
Not again
Dear Lord. Please let us get through this meal without attacking each other, demeaning each other, insulting each other, asking about politics, race, sexuality, immigration, money, taxes, celebrities or Facebook sites. Can I get an amen?
Amen…amen…amen…yeah, amen…
…..
So.
So….
How about those Lions?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE. REMEMBER THE THANKS PART.
Contact Mitch Albom: malbom@freepress.com. Check out the latest updates with his charities, books and events at MitchAlbom.com. Download The Sports Reporters podcast each Monday and Thursday on-demand through Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify and more. Follow him on Twitter @mitchalbom.
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