3 Warning Signs Of Financial Abuse In Relationships – Forbes

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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. If you or someone you know is in danger, call a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224, or 911 if it is safe to do so.

Domestic abuse is more than just physical harmin many cases, it also quietly hurts victims by stripping away their control over their own finances and destroying their financial health.

Domestic financial abuse is rarely discussed, but it goes hand-in-hand with domestic violence. A 2011 Center for Financial Security study of 103 women who had suffered domestic violence found that 99% of them also reported experiencing economic abuse, defined as a partner controlling a womans ability to acquire, use and maintain economic resources. It often prevents victims from leaving their abuser because they dont have the financial means to do so.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, the perfect storm of a shock recession, widespread job loss and families being forced to stay at home was feared to have resulted in a sharp increase in domestic violence incidents. Given that the two are closely related, its safe to assume that this correlated with an increase in financial abuse.

Financial abuse can happen to anyone, at any time, regardless of whether theyve been married to their partner for years or are entering a new relationship. Here are the different types of financial abuse and how to identify them.

Kim Scouller, a financial services professional at WealthWave, leads its women empowerment and domestic violence awareness for women programs. She emphasizes how hard it can often be for victims to identify and decipher financial abuse red flags. (Note: Most research on domestic violence is within traditional cisgender male and female relationships. However, domestic abuse within same-sex relationships occurs at a similar rate to heterosexual relationships).

When we look at a list of red flags, they seem real obvious to us. But for a lot of women, its very incremental how an abuser goes from someone you feel is taking care of you and is doing all of these things because they love you, to someone whos taken complete control over your finances and your life, Scouller says.

One Reddit post illustrates the subtle, sinister ways that financial abuse can creep into a romantic relationship. Many Reddit users shared their experiences of partners restricting access to their own money, spending all of their money or racking up debt in their name. Often, it took victims a long time to recognize that they were financially abused, and they had a hard time convincing others that anything was wrong.

He first began stealing my debit card out of my wallet when I was sleeping or showering and would go take care of his needs with my money while he was unemployed, writes one user who identifies themself as slowhoney. When he did find a job, he was even more abusive at this point and kept my debit card from me, and didnt allow me to have any access to my money at all, despite having his own bank account.

These are some common forms of financial abuseand resources to help protect or recover from it.

Some couples choose to have a relationship CFO to manage their finances, especially if they have a predilection for balancing the books, or simply enjoy doing it more. Thats normal. What isnt normal is when a partner takes control of the finances and doesnt give the other partner access to accounts and funds.

A primary form of financial abuse is stripping away economic self-sufficiencysuch as having the income necessary to meet basic needsfrom the victim. It can often be done through the guise of taking care of the finances but leaving the victim in the dark about whats being done with their money.

According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), after an abuser takes control of the finances, they may give the victim an allowance but lessen it over time. This can eventually prevent the victim from obtaining basic needs items, such as food and medicine.

In an effort to prevent the victim from having access to money, the abuser may forbid the victim to workor sabotage their current employment. That can include harassing the victim at their workplace or physically abusing them before important meetings, so they show up unprepared and distracted.

In these cases, the victim is often pushed to the point where they feel like they have no choice but to quit their job. Being unemployed leaves victims in vulnerable financial positions where they become completely dependent upon their financial abuser.

An abuser can also prevent a victim from looking for jobs or attending interviews.

Economic exploitation is one of the most severe aspects of financial abuse. In this case, an abuser will make a point to intentionally destroy the victims financial resources or credit. Theyll open a line of credit under the victims name without their consent, refuse to pay bills under the victims name or gamble away jointly earned money.

Oftentimes, the victim has no access to their financial accountsso they have no idea this is happening. In the meantime, their credit score is often being ruined, which means theyll have a hard time getting approved for financial products, like an auto loan or mortgage, in the future.

For years, [the victim] can be haunted with bankruptcies, tax liens and bad debt that follows them around, Scouller says.

It is possible to dispute identity theft with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and the major credit bureaus. Joint accounts, however, are more difficult to untangleand depending on your state, you may be liable to debt incurred in the account, even if it wasnt you swiping the credit card. Some businesses require a police report to remove fraudulent debt from a victims accounts, and its not always safe for a victim to file one. Oftentimes, the victim must wait until theyre able to successfully escape their abuser in order to take the many steps toward economic recovery.

Realizing youre in an abusive situation is a traumatizing and difficult reality to grapple with. Creating an escape plan could be your next stepbut it requires planning and consideration for your safety and that of your children if you have any.

Here are steps to take to escape an abusive relationship:

Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for the victim. Erin Scott, executive director at the Family Violence Law Center, stresses the importance of creating a safety plan before physically leaving an abusive situation.

There are a million variations of this, and each survivor is different, but the first option we explore is finding a safe person to go to, like a relative or a friend, Scott says.

Scott acknowledges that not everyone will have access to shelter with people they know, either because they lack a support system or the abusive partner could know where these people live, which could create a dangerous situation. In that case, turning to an emergency shelter or domestic violence shelter would be the next best option.

You can search for a domestic violence shelter near you with this online database.

For Scouller, creating what she calls a personal financial safety plan is also crucial for a victim to leave their abusive situation. For her, that means stashing away cash to help make an escape happen.

Scouller says stashing cash can mean hiding it or opening a secret bank account to hold the funds. These are, however, extremely risky actions to takeif an abuser was to find the funds, they could get angry and punish their partner.

If you arent able to stash cash, a shelter will provide basic living necessities to you for free, and oftentimes will later assist you through the process of filing for government benefits until you secure a job and are able to get back on your feet financially.

If youre in a position where you have access to essential documents, such as your Social Security card, health insurance card, or passport, Scott recommends bringing them with you when you escape. If you have children, you should bring theirs as well.

These documents will often be necessary for filing for government benefits or starting a new job.

There are a variety of resources available to survivors, such as domestic violence shelters. These resources are free and will provide basic necessities to you at no cost, such as toiletries, food and clothing, and will often grant immediate short-term housing to keep a survivor and their children safe.

If youre worried about finding a legitimate shelter on your own, you can always call the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for recommendations of where to go.

Knowing the warning signs can help you recognize if youre a victim of financial abuse. From there, you can put a plan in place to help escape an abusive situation and there are resources to help you,even if youve lost control of your finances.

Becoming financially literate is one of the most empowering things anyone can do. It teaches you how to manage your own finances and can give you the knowledge you need to rebuild your life after escaping.

There are numerous nonprofits that empower domestic abuse survivors through financial literacy. The Allstate Foundation Moving Ahead Curriculum, for example, educates survivors on crucial financial topics such as budgeting, managing debt and improving credit. The curriculum, which is free and self-guided, focuses on helping survivors move from short-term safety to long-term security.

Freeform.org is another resource that aims to create an ecosystem for survivors to build wealth and financial security. It offers free online webinars, such as Protecting Your Money as a Survivor, to help achieve that mission.

Once you know the basic financial principles, and the pieces of a solid financial plan, you can start putting the things together that you need to start over, Scouller says.

After escaping the abusive situation, you should assess just how damaged your financial health is. You can do this by requesting your credit reports, for free, via AnnualCreditReport.com.

Pulling your credit reports wont tell you your credit scores, but it will detail the various accounts open under your name, their balances and whether payments have been made on time. Youll need this information when you file an identity theft case with the FTC.

To prevent more accounts from being opened under your name, you can freeze your credit reports for free with each of the three consumer credit bureaus: Equifax, Experian and TransUnion. Doing so will block lenders from pulling your credit reports to approve or deny new loans.

Read More: How To Freeze Your Credit Report

Escaping an abusive relationship is a stressful, scary and emotional time. After leaving and assessing any financial damage you may have incurred due to financial abuse, you could be feeling overwhelmedor even defeatedin rebuilding your personal finances.

Its important to remember, though, that you wont be able to fix everything overnight. Things such as filing for identity fraud, rebuilding a credit score or accumulating savings take time.

In the meantime, be kind to yourselfand know that there are resources and people out there waiting to support you, even after your initial escape.

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3 Warning Signs Of Financial Abuse In Relationships - Forbes