Equipping for Life’s Darrin Barr: ‘My daughter Sarah was diagnosed with a brain tumour and sadly died… looking back, God was with me through the…

Darrin Barr is the former principal of Bloomfield Collegiate in Belfast. He is now with the faith-based organisation Equipping for Life

. Can you tell me about your background?

A. I am 56 and was born in Ballymena. My father was a fireman and my mother was a housewife. I have two sisters and one brother. I have been married to Judy for 34 years and we have four children, three girls and a boy. Our second daughter, Sarah, died of cancer at the age of 13. My secondary education was at Ballymena Academy, then a BSc in chemistry at Queens University Belfast from 1984 to 1987, followed by a PhD in organic chemistry at Queens from 1987 to 1990. This was followed by a PGCE from 1992 to 1993.

Q. What is your employment history?

A. In the early 90s, I worked as a production manager in pharmaceuticals. Then I was a chemistry teacher at Victoria College, Belfast, moving on to become deputy head and acting principal and, for the last nine years of my teaching career, I was principal of Bloomfield Collegiate. I have just finished a two-year contract with AQE and I am now with Equipping for Life, a faith-based organisation, working in disadvantaged areas and equipping people for a better future.

Q. How and when did you come to faith?

A. I was a very enthusiast preacher of atheism at school and even proposed the debating motion, This house believes that God does not exist. At university, my head was turned by a girl who gave me a copy of Mere Christianity by CS Lewis. I decided that, to impress her, I would condescend to read the book. However, I was overwhelmed by the person of Jesus. As Lewis says, Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman, or something worse. I accepted that He was the former and I did a 180-degree turn. That was in August 1985 and I have been married to the girl for 34 years and following the Man for 35 years.

Q. Have you ever had a crisis or a gnawing doubt about your faith?

A. Many times, when I wandered away from God. My greatest crisis of faith happened when my daughter, Sarah, was diagnosed with a brain tumour and subsequently died. It is impossible to articulate the feelings of frustration and pain that parents go through when they have a seriously ill child. I threw myself on Gods mercy and prayed fervently for Sarahs healing and mobilised many Christians locally and nationally to pray. After three years of prayer, Sarah died on St Valentines Day 2007. Looking back, I can see that God really was with me through the pain, but there were times when I struggled with the concept that God is good.

Q. Have you ever been angry with God?

A. When Sarah died, even after so much faithful prayer, I was angry at Him. I was angry at the Church. How could God be described as a good God? I have heard Christians say that God provides car-parking spaces to those who ask and yet He would not grant healing to my daughter. In desperation, I started to read books written by angry or suffering Christians (for example, Where is God When it Hurts by Philip Yancey, A Grief Observed by CS Lewis) and discovered that, if we ever think we understand God, then we have no understanding of Him at all. I started to see that God is not described as good because of what He does for us, rather He is good because of who He is. As Jesus says: In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Q. Are you afraid to die, or can you look beyond death?

A. I do not like pain, so I hope for a relatively good death, but I will have to take what comes. I am not afraid of hellfire for me, but for the ones I love and for all the people who have not experienced and accepted Gods grace through Jesuss death and resurrection.

This might sound odd, but I did not really believe in Heaven until I was forced to contemplate where my daughter was. I believe completely in a New Heaven and a New Earth and that those who trust in Jesus will rise after death to experience a form of life that is unimaginable at the moment. I am so glad that there will be a New Earth, because we are destroying this one.

Q. Why are so many turning their backs on organised religion?

A. The Church has thrived when it has not been at the centre of societies.

When it is marginalised, or suffering persecution, the Church is very often energised, spirit-dependent and effective. Maybe the move away from the centre is Gods plan.

Q. Has religion helped, or hindered, Northern Ireland?

A. Both. There is so much that is good about our values, culture, legal system and social action, which is a direct result of the Churches over the last 1,500 years. The division that we see and the sectarian attitudes which have blighted our country for centuries illustrate the human condition in all its rawness. The Church is full of sinners saved by His grace.

Q. What is your favourite film, book and music?

A. Film any Basil Rathbone version of Sherlock Holmes. Book Mere Christianity by CS Lewis and A Time to Kill by John Grisham. Music The Lark Ascending by Ralph Vaughan Williams. It is heavenly.

Q. Where do you feel closest to God?

A. I love trees, particularly the oak, and when I stare (my wife says open-mouthed) at an oak, I thank God for His love for me.

Q. What inscription would you like on your gravestone?

A. It has already been written, as it is the same grave that my daughter is buried in. My wife and I decided that the phrase that encapsulated Sarahs short life was In Christ alone my hope is found. That will do for me as well.

Q. Finally, have you any major regrets?

A. The only regrets I have are from the times when I have hurt people.

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Equipping for Life's Darrin Barr: 'My daughter Sarah was diagnosed with a brain tumour and sadly died... looking back, God was with me through the...