Peter Pan Complex: Signs and Behaviors of the ‘Eternal Boy’ – PsychCentral.com

The boy who never grows up: With the challenges of adulthood, it sounds like a dream, right? For some, its an actual way of life.

We all have days when we want to throw our to-do list in the trash. As a collective, were overworked, overstimulated, and, at times, over it, in general.

But if a laissez-faire lifestyle is interfering with your work, relationships, or other obligations, Peter Pan syndrome also known as Peter Pan complex may be involved.

Signs and symptoms of Peter Pan syndrome may exist on a spectrum, from mild to severe. They also tend to be persistent across situations and over time, instead of sporadic occurrences. Signs and symptoms may significantly interfere with relationships and occupational activities.

These signs may include:

While Peter Pan syndrome isnt considered a personality disorder, researchers have noted some overlapping traits with narcissistic personality disorder.

Experts havent settled on why Peter Pan syndrome occurs, but its likely a combination of factors. These include:

A 2019 paper suggests acting like Peter Pan stems from a lack of bonding with a maternal figure in early childhood.

Other possibilities include:

This attachment style is characterized by a fear of emotional intimacy.

When someone sees commitment as boring, losing control, or disempowering, you can see how a Peter Pan mentality can take hold, says Jacqueline Connors, a psychotherapist in Napa Valley, California.

Peter Pan complex is more common in men, although women can also develop it, Connors explains.

This is because women tend to have a need to nurture and take care of things for people at an early age, she says. However, a woman can have the Cinderella mindset. This is an expectation to be rescued and taken care of by a mature adult.

You fell in love for a reason. In fact, some of these traits may be endearing to you.

This can actually have some strengths to it, says Lauren Cook, PsyD, a therapist based in Los Angeles, California. Chances are, what drew you to someone with Peter Pan syndrome was their lightheartedness, love for life, and sense of adventure.

Of course, too much of a good thing can sometimes hurt.

Unfortunately, everyone has a shadow side, and Peter Pan is no exception, as youll recall in the story, she adds.

If you feel unsupported, frustrated, or ready to get serious, heres how you can manage the situation.

If terms like man child are any indication of how society feels about those with Peter Pan syndrome, it isnt good.

Try not to contribute to the stigma and have compassion for your partner. Right now, they may lack the tools to form healthy interdependence, but change is possible.

You can be kind and firm at the same time. Just like Wendy confronts Peter Pan in the story, try not to be afraid to advocate for your own feelings, needs, and desires.

Consider evaluating your to-do list. With love, you can let your partner know youll be handing off some tasks, but not all of them.

Try gifting them the opportunity to take care of chores, finances, and other obligations.

If your partner refuses to take action, you may want to reevaluate the relationship.

If you stay, it may be necessary to adjust your expectations. You may have to accept that you cant change or fix them; they must be willing to change on their own.

When your partners needs are front and center all the time, it can be draining.

Try journaling, talking with a friend, or working with a therapist to refill your own cup.

The allure of never growing up is understandable. But if youre ready to explore a different avenue, heres how to navigate change.

Try taking inventory and consider these questions:

You know what they say: We must feel it to heal it.

Lean into the discomfort of settling in, Cook says. It can feel unnerving to sit with our relationships and our feelings, rather than run away from them. Practice leaning into boredom and familiarity. You may see that there is actually comfort that comes with long-term connection.

It may be challenging to make progress on your own. Consider reaching out to someone for support.

A therapist can help you identify patterns, reframe your situation, and teach you coping skills for lifes ups and downs.

Some people do and some dont. But, more often than not, some intervention is needed.

Though we all continue to age with every passing second, it is not time itself that leads toward change, Glowiak says.

Rather, awareness of the issue and concerted effort will help someone work through this, he says.

Adulthood presents many unique challenges. Its natural to occasionally long for younger years with fewer cares.

But if you actively live to skip responsibility, you may be dealing with what some call Peter Pan syndrome.

Although not a formal mental health diagnosis, this pattern of behaviors is possible in some people.

As psychology professor Jordan Peterson explains in a popular lecture, Peter Pan reminds us of the perils and pitfalls of adulthood.

Peter Pans closest example of a grown-up, Captain Hook, is a tyrant desperately trying to fend off an unrelenting crocodile a metaphor for time, the great equalizer of us all.

While you may not have a ruthless reptile at your doorstep, you likely have bills, appointments, emails, voicemails, children, aging parents, and, now, a pandemic.

Learning to face it all, perhaps with the help of a trusted professional, can allow you to integrate the best parts of youth with the wisdom, and reward, of growing up.

As J.M. Barrie, Peter Pans creator, famously penned, To live will be an awfully big adventure.

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Peter Pan Complex: Signs and Behaviors of the 'Eternal Boy' - PsychCentral.com