Pandemic And Rites Of Death – Letter | Falmouth Opinion – CapeNews.net

After reading a recent newspaper article on todays virtual presentations of wakes, memorial services and funerals, I began thinking how the customs of death and dying have dramatically changed due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

My parents came to America from Portugal in the late 1890s. We lived in a neighborhood where many immigrants from Portugal, the Azores and Cape Verde settled. In my early teens, my grandfather was the first family member to die, and the first dead person I had seen.

His wake was held in the front parlor of his home. Following Portuguese custom, a 24-hour vigil was observed. A symbol made from black crepe paper was placed on the front door of the home indicating that a wake was being held. This practice was known as Hanging the Crepe. Around the clock, family members and friends brought food and paid their respects.

A Roman Catholic Mass and interment were celebrated on the third day. As a youth, I remember watching the casket placed at the gravesite and lowered by a hand crank to the grave while mourners wept. This practice resulted in loud cries of sorrow and occasional fainting. Guests were also invited to a function hall or restaurant where they could express their love and memories of the deceased.

Floral arrangements adorning the home or church were a big ceremonial part of the mourning period. Please Omit Flowers was not in vogue at that time. Although most of the families were not prosperous, no expenses were spared. Large floral arrangements were common.

The pandemic has changed our normal activities after the passing of a loved one. It is no longer possible to have a normal celebration of life. Today there are no longer large gatherings of people at churches, funeral homes, private homes or burial ceremonies at cemeteries. The numbers of COVID-19-related deaths affecting the elderly are staggering, and this surge has forced obituaries in our newspapers to read: A private service will be held at a future date. Or, In lieu of a gathering, we ask that you remember the deceased when they come into your mind, smile, and say to someone have a nice day. In addition, funeral homes have adapted to provide video and a virtual presentation of the wake or memorial service. The uploading of funeral videos to social media outlets is now common practice. Today however, the celebration of life has been put on hold for a future date.

There remains a need for family to accept the passing of a loved one. There is comfort in the process of a wake and funeral, although being in a long receiving line can be exhausting, especially for the elderly. Never forget the importance of family and friends grieving together and consoling one another over the loss of their loved one. Hopefully, one day soon our social distancing will be replaced with more hugs.

Many elderly victims in nursing homes and aftercare were forced to die alone or with only their courageous nursing, hospice or medical staff in attendance. I share my condolences to all of the families affected by COVID-19 in Barnstable County and Massachusetts. I look forward to the day when this disease has been defeated and we can celebrate life and death in a more normal state of being.

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Pandemic And Rites Of Death - Letter | Falmouth Opinion - CapeNews.net