Daily Archives: November 4, 2023

Thus, a theological discernment on the issue of polygamy entails reflections on a practice that is grouped among sins that are gravely opposed to the Sacrament of Matrimony, alongside adultery and divorce.

A pastoral discernment: A call to conversion

The Synod delegates call on members of SECAM to discern the issue of polygamy from both theological and pastoral perspectives was made under the topic, For a Church that listens and accompanies. A pastoral discernment is likely to entail the listening to and accompaniment of persons in polygamous unions.

In an October 28 interview with the National Catholic Register (the Register), ACI Africas partner agency, Archbishop Andrew Fuanya Nkea of Bamenda Archdiocese in Cameroon acknowledged with appreciation the fact that during the October 4-29 sessions in Rome, the views of African delegates on the institution of marriage and the family were heeded.

The Cameroonian Catholic Archbishop, who is one of the 16 Prelates making up the Synods Ordinary Council that oversees the running of the process, said that African delegates were very strong about the fact that in Africa, we understand marriage as a union between a man and a woman, and anything short of that is witchcraft.

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This is something we said very strongly. We cannot be talking about sensitivities and orientations within the Church setting when this is what the Gospel says. This is what the teaching of the Church has said all along and this is what various cultures believe, he said, underscoring African delegates stance on the teaching of the Church on the human person, and human sexuality during the Synod sessions.

Asked to weigh in on the Synod Relator General, Jean-Claude Cardinal Hollerichs remarks about an openness for change in the Church at the Synod, Archbishop Nkea highlighted what is likely to entail the pastoral discernment on the issue of polygamy.

We are open to many things. From Africa, we argued about polygamy not because we want polygamy legalized, but because we want accompaniment. Now, we in Africa are given the chance to set up theological commissions, to study polygamy and get pastoral directives that would adapt to that situation in Africa. This is a big opening, he said during the October 28 interview in Rome.

The 58-year-old Archbishop who started his Episcopal Ministry in August 2013 as Coadjutor Bishop of Cameroons Mamfe Diocese explained in reference to openness for change in the Churchs teaching on controversial issues, including polygamy, Although there are some accidentals that will definitely change, the essence will not change. To start a conversation with polygamists, we had to insert the word conversion . Conversion to the values of the Gospel.

He further explained, Whether were talking to 'LGBT' people or were talking to polygamists or were talking about ourselves, there must always be the call to conversion, conversion to the Gospel. What are the Gospel values? Entering into dialogue with all of these people is always in view of conversion. If we take that out, then we stop being evangelical; we are no longer backed by the Gospel.

The call to conversion is a call to have persons in polygamous unions understand the value of fidelity in marriage, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses of Gods faithful love, according to CCC 1648.

Meanwhile, the Synod delegates call on SECAM members to foster the accompaniment of people in polygamous unions coming to faith is likely to entail, among other fruits of the theological and pastoral discernment, conforming to the directives in CCC regarding Christians, who cannot receive Eucharistic communion cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities (CCC 1650).

If these Catholics keep the faith and desire to bring up their children in a Christian manner, priests and the whole community must manifest an attentive solicitude, so that they do not consider themselves separated from the Church, in whose life they can and must participate as baptized persons, according to CCC 1651.

Awaiting further theological and pastoral discernment on the issue of polygamy, Catholics who have contravened the Sacrament of Matrimony are encouraged to listen to the Word of God, to attend the Sacrifice of the Mass, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to works of charity and to community efforts for justice, to bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God's grace (CCC 1651).

Fr. Don Bosco Onyalla is ACI Africas founding Editor-in-Chief. He was formed in the Congregation of the Holy Ghost Fathers (Spiritans), and later incardinated in Rumbek Diocese, South Sudan. He has a PhD in Media Studies from Daystar University in Kenya, and a Masters degree in Organizational Communication from Marist College, New York, USA.

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What Entails the Call to theological and pastoral discernment on the ... - ACI Africa

Society expects an adult to live forever and ever with one partner. However, as Tony Mochama and Elvis Ondieki found out, long-term monogamy could be one highly flawed concept.

At a tastefully decorated church or garden this weekend, one scene is sure to play out: A certain man and woman will exchange rings in front of a cheering crowd as a poker-faced church minister looks on.

The vows they will proclaim will have a hackneyed line that is often uttered without giving it the thought it deserves till death do us part.

On paper, that vow means that the elated suit-clad groom and his glittering bride have promised to stay bound to one partner for life. All their fantasies, infatuations, quirks and sexual needs are, henceforth, supposed to be addressed by the person they have chosen.

However, as the street saying goes, things are different on the ground. Society will expect the two to be faithful to each other till they depart the earth, but the way the human body is wired could push that expectation far beyond the limit of elasticity.

And questions arise: What if monogamy is a concept that humans force on themselves? What if humans were let to follow their mating instincts like other animals do?

Earlier this year, a report by the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics caused a frenzied discussion online. According to the findings, the average number of sexual partners among Kenyan men was 7.4 while amongst women it was found to be 2.3.

Further, the report showed that 19 percent of women had admitted to having sex with a person who neither was their husband nor lived with them. Among men, that figure stood at 37 percent. The numbers revealed an interesting aspect of Kenyas social dynamic a lot of Kenyans are involved in multi-layered sexual or social arrangements.

So, are we forcing monogamy?

The Saturday Magazines exploration of this matter took us to people arguing for and against monogamy, historians, scholars, and religious leaders among others.

Dr Kenneth Ombongi, a senior history lecturer at the University of Nairobi, notes that it has been less than 1,000 years since men started sticking to a single partner.

From ancient times, humans, just like many other animal species, were polygamous. And in historical terms, monogamy is one of the most recent developments in human society, he said in an interview that is also available on the Nation.Africa podcast section.

Monogamy is hardly 1,000 years old, which is a very short period, historically speaking. The issues around monogamy came to the fore of human development because human beings in their natural state will want to mate with as many female species as they can. Then selfishness crept in, adds Dr Ombongi.

Nairobi-based businesswoman Kemunto Nyakundi is never ashamed of posting about her life on social media, often admitting that she is not the type that sticks to one man.

To hell with monogamy! she proclaimed when we contacted her on the subject.

Modern women are throwing monogamy out of the window. I think monogamy was placed on women in a bid to tame them, more so in the African society where monogamy is the ideal way of keeping a woman in a relationship.

Kemunto foresees a time when the stigma associated with women having multiple partners simultaneously will fade away.

Imagine getting love from different partners. Bliss! Because fresh meat spices things up. Its time men and women got open about it and allowed open relationships. That may even strengthen the relationships, she argues.

However, for polyamory to succeed, [polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic and typically sexual relationships] we have to move past insecurity and jealousy. Because its absurd for men to imagine that their women never get hit on by other men; and that if they get hit on, they should be strong and not allow emotions to take over yet on the other side, the men are hitting on several women, having gathered several side chicks, adds Kemunto who sells used books and second-hand clothes in Nairobi.

In the historical scholars view, Dr Ombongi says Christianity has a lot to do with the entrenchment of monogamy. With the introduction of modern Christianity, the so-called New Testament teaching, monogamy became a norm in Christendom or Western world, what we now call the global north. And it spread to the rest of the world, including Africa, through the Christian missions and Christian missionaries who criminalised, literally, African practices, he says.

There is also an argument that a polygamous man earns respect, and is considered a leader.

Because of how they manage the family, they are considered to be leaders; always consulted to give advice on matters affecting society. Also, it gives the man the peace of mind that he needs. You may get one wife having funny attitudes. So, as a man, you avoid her attitude by moving to the next wife. By the time you come back, shell be missing you, argues Samuel Kabora, who is unapologetically polygamous and often posts online to encourage men to have more than one spouse.

Photo credit: Pool

Jacob Aliet, the author of Unplugged Truths Our Fathers Did Not Tell Us, says that Many of our fathers were advised that the way to deal with a difficult wife is to marry another wife, and that, Bringing another woman into the hitherto monogamous union is [a sign] that another woman thinks that you are valuable.

The counter-argument from women against the notion that polygamy helps a man assert his power is that it would only be fair if women are also allowed to freely enter multiple relationships like men are.

In the modern world, looking at how Gen Zs are handling relationships and marriages, women are free mentally, emotionally, and sexually to explore whatever desires they have. Its becoming an open world where people are willing to explore other types of relationships likethrouple,ora triad, where youre having maybe three people in a relationship, says Josephine Njoroge.The modern-day woman has become more self-aware.

But in reality, despite the sexual liberalisation of younger women, Kemunto argues that only men are still allowed to have multiple partners, publicly.

Maybe, rigid exclusivity is not supposed to be a woman's nature. Perhaps it was just a myth we grew up with. And why should the part be played by women alone when society allows men to have as many women? Thats why a woman is always shamed more than a man when caught cheating, she says. Women are now beating men in their own game. And they (men) are angry about it.

But it is not a game on who is doing it best, male or female.

Studies have found polygamy was common in many societies. According to the Ethnographic Atlas Codebook, 84.9 percent of the 1,231 cultures are classified as polygamous.

Societies, both from the dimension of natural history and social history, have been polygamous. However, the introduction of monogamy was necessitated by what one could see as some kind of selfishness on the part of the male species to protect their offspring, in a sense. But you cannot exclude the influence of New Testament Christianity. Because in the Old Testament, you know, Solomon broke both the Christian and Islamic laws of polygamy. He had only a thousand of them, argues Dr Ombongi.

Abdulkarim Omar, a Muslim scholar, adds that originally in the Koran, polygamy was allowed mostly to take care of war widows and their children in societies where wars were common, killing many men and leading to far more women than men in these arid spaces.

Quoting from Hazrat Mirza Bashir Ahmads The Life and Character of the Seal and Prophets, Omar gives examples of where a man may move from monogamy and go on to marry as many as four women in his lifetime.

He may first marry for protection against physical, moral, and spiritual ailments, associated with promiscuity and the weakness of the flesh. Then he finds his first wife is barren and marries a second woman for the continuation of human life. He may then fall in love with a third woman and marry her out of the growth of the relationship and (com)passion. Lastly, in his sunset years, he could marry again for companionship and peace of mind.

Outside of the practice of polygamy, most Kenyans still struggle with maintaining a lifelong sexually exclusive relationship with just one partner.

So, why does monogamy prove difficult for many people? David P. Barash, the author of the book ''Out of Eden'', argues that monogamy is unnatural. That it is a socially constructed concept that is not universal to all human societies but rather is enforced by certain societies and so has become a norm.

Does the monogamy struggle cut across races and countries?

Finn Sue Seppanen, who has lived for over a decade in Kenya, notes that, Many African men are players, including those with wedding rings on their fingers, and that they are not shy about being players.

She says that in Finland, where sexual liberation (for both sexes) is acceptable, Once people are married, it is not socially acceptable to be seen running around with others as seems to be the case here in Kenya.

Also, Finns tend to get into their first marriages quite late age 35 for men, and 32 for women so they have somewhat settled by then, and although last year had the lowest marriage rate in decades (only 20,000 Finns tied the knot), 75 per cent were married for the first time, 20 per cent were contracting a second marriage, and five per cent doing a third wedding. The Finnish divorce rate is 51 percent, three times higher than Kenyas at 17 percent.

Better to just leave and be a serial polygamist than a serial cheat, says Sue.

Adams ribs in Eve, Faith, Mercy, Joy

Interestingly, in Kenya, infidelity comes a distant second to financial issues as a reason for divorce.

Alec Kongo, a pastor at the New Deliverance Church in Ngong, Nairobi, argues that if God wanted man to be polygamous, He would have removed all of Adams ribs and made him not just Eve but also Faith, Mercy and Joy to be his multiple wives.

Many people still struggle with maintaining a lifelong sexually exclusive relationship with just one partner.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

For psychologists, they base their monogamy argument on the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freuds theory.

Eve Waruingi, a mental health specialist and counselling psychologist, uses classic Sigmund Freud theories in her case against monogamy.

In Freuds Primeval Patriarchy Theory, human beings are no different from wild horses and gorillas in the wild, with alpha males having all the females, and chasing out or castrating their sons and male rivals. That is how many human societies ended up with eunuchs in the polygamous harems of the alphas. But then there were patricides and revolts. In particular, incest and polygamy became taboo, especially in the West. Sigmund Freud argues that by going against his polygamous nature, man gets a lot of psychological neuroses.

In other words, Eve adds with a smile, monogamy is at the root of most of our psychological disturbances in our societies. It is not natural at all.

Mammals are not big on monogamy. In less than 10 percent of species, it is common to have individuals who mate exclusively. Scientists estimate that three to five per cent of all mammals practice some form of monogamy. Among primates, just 29 per cent are monogamous.

The bald eagle, the creepy black vulture and the grey wolf are among these monogamous few. Macaroni penguins do a love dance when they see their partners, seahorses are monogamous (but only because the females are violently jealous of their partners) and male barn owls even court their life partners by bringing them gifts of dead mice. The term love birds is derived from love swans, who curve their necks together in a love heart shape as they touch beaks, and while the European beaver is monogamous, its North American cousin sees other beavers.

However, in the times we live in, and because vectors like the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and the human papillomavirus (HPV) are spread through sex, monogamy might have come to humans out of the desire to avoid diseases.

If you live in a world where we have numerous sexually transmitted diseases or conditions, then probably one will argue that limiting oneself to one female puts you in a better state to prevent yourself from acquiring and spreading some of these conditions, argues Dr Ombongi.

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Is it time to rethink monogamy? | Nation - Nation

Bernice Saroni has absolved herself from claims she wracked Samidoh's marriage by aiding Edday Nderitu's relocation to the US.

Edday moved to the US with all her children in early May 2023. Bernice Saroni hosted her with the kids at her house in Boston, Massachusetts for months until she relocated to her own house.

Speaking during a recent interview with Plug TV, Bernice allayed claims that she had a hand in breaking up Samidoh's marriage to Edday by aiding her 'escape' to the US.

"There are speculations that you are probably the main reason why she left her husband Samidoh?" Bernice was asked.

"Kwani Samidoh was dating Bernice ama Karen Nyamu?" She rudely dismissed the speculations.

"Venye alienda uku tu akili ikachange akasema she doesn't want to come back (when she got to the US she changed her mind and said she didn't want to come back)," the interviewer posed.

"Hio swali ebu endeni mukaulize Karen Nyamu coz ye ndo side chick wa Samidoh not me. Ata sioni Bernice na Karen mahali inakaribiana (that question go and ask Karen Nyamu because she is Samidoh's side chick not me. I don't see where Bernice and Karen are related)," Bernice Saroni answered.

The mother of four further insisted that her name shouldn't be dragged into Samidoh and Edday's breakup, shifting the blame to Karen Nyamu.

"First of all I wanna make this clear to all Kenyans. When asking me like me ndo nilitoa Edith huku, I am not Karen Nyamu. Kama Edith alitoka huku akaenda US or whatever decision she made I am not responsible for that. So they have to deal with Karen Nyamu, not Bernice Saroni. People should keep me out of that," Bernice stated.

"Bernice Saroni you are close to Samidoh, have you tried to convince him to get back together with his wife Edday Nderitu?" The interviewer posed.

"No that's not my story and I don't wanna talk about that," she said.

Bernice Saroni additionally noted that Edday was at peace in the US and that she talks to her every day.

"Of course, I support Edday, I am a woman I support a fellow woman. I talk to her every day she is my sister. She is happy, she is at peace you can see her on Facebook," Bernice said.

Bernice, who walked out of her marriage because of her ex-husband's infidelity, stressed that she opposes polygamy in its entirety.

"I don't believe in polygamy because the moment your partner or your husband involves another person he doesn't love you. Emotionally you guys are disconnected coz there is something that he has lacked from you that's why he is going to look for someone else. And where there's number two there will always be number three. When you ask number two if she wants number three to come they never agree so you always find it's always number one who suffers," Bernice explained.

Two months after she moved to the US, Edday Nderitu insisted that she would not share her husband with Karen Nyamu.

In a Facebook post on July 22, 2023, Samidoh's now estranged wife clarified that she was not in a polygamous marriage, noting that she left her husband to 'whoever needed him more'.

"Lemmie clarify few things that were shared online and not accurate I am not in any polygamous marriage as stated I left the husband for whoever needed him more," Edday's statement on Facebook read in part.

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Karen Nyamu should answer why Edday relocated to US not me ... - K24 TV

Following the closing Mass of the first session of the Synod on Synodality in Rome this October, Cardinal Blase Cupich, the archbishop of Chicago, spoke with Americas Vatican correspondent about his experience of the meeting and the synods synthesis document, published Oct. 29.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Gerard OConnell: What is your overall take on the synthesis document?

Cardinal Cupich: The document is not as important as the experience that we had. I think the document tries to convey that experience. And it does a good job. But my hope would be that we are able to take that experience back home and share it with our people because that really is what the synod is about. Its a new way of being church.

At the same time, the document does call for a codification of synods in the future [being] done along these lines, rather than going back to what we did before. Thats a very important statement, made loud and clear in this document.

We were aware that there are people in the life of the church and in synod hall who had their doubts about synodality itself as a model for church life. There were calls to develop [that model], theologically, so that were clear about this. But there was no doubt whatsoever that this is not only a new way that the church is going to function, but, in fact, [that it is] tapping into the roots of our tradition. The church has been synodal from the very beginning. What were doing is recapturing something that can serve us well in this moment.

GO: You participated in past synods. How has the fact that you have non-bishops voting changed things?

Instead of having bishops say, This is what our people are saying, in the old synods, which we tried to do our best to do, we actually had people there. Young people, elderly people, religious men and women, who, in fact, were on the ground in pastoral ministry, who gave voice in ways that were fresh, were challenging, and in ways that maybe a bishop could not say before.

There was an actual paragraph that was passed overwhelmingly about non-bishops being a part of this: Does it in some way take away from the understanding that its a Synod of Bishops? And there was a resounding acceptance that non-bishops should be a part of it because its not a threat. It allows the bishops to have that immediate interaction with the voice of the whole church.

Thats important. It was pointed out to me that if you look at the votes and you strip away all of the non-bishops who were a part of the synod, the propositions still pass by 75 percent.

GO: But even in this document, they talk about the need to clarify whether this is a Synod of Bishops or an assembly of bishops. Some people raised objections.

They did, but I think that there were some propositions that said very clearly that non-bishops should be a part of [the process] going forward in the future.

GO: So you see no going back.

I dont think theres a need to go back. We have made some real progress here, and the bishops enjoyed having lay people there. It wasnt [simply] tolerating it. Maybe there were some voices that had difficulties with it because they wanted it to be all bishops [but] very few. By and large, the bishops interacted really well with lay people at the tables.

GO: One of the big developments in this document is the role of women in the church.

Were talking about a real paradigm shift here. We recognize the fact that women, de facto, carry the life of the church, on so many levels, to make it operational on a day-to-day basis. But I think its more than recognizing that; its dealing also with how you include women in important decision making, how you place them within the life of the community so that their leadership is regarded, respected and protected.

[The document] talks about different ministries that might be created to do that. I know that there was a lot of discussion about women deacons, and that was not resolved here. But it was very clear that the assembly called for a study and hopefully that we would have the results by the next [synod meeting]. I imagine its going to be taken up again.

But its not only about [making] everything about women deacons. There has to be another way in which we respect that women bring a particular gift to the life of the church, that if absent, impoverishes the church. How do we take advantage of their gifts and charisms? Thats an agenda thats not complete yet.

GO: From what Ive heard, there was a real overwhelming feeling among the participants in the synod that the women have to be recognized and to have spaces open for them in decision-making positions of responsibility. They mentioned the example of the pope appointing women to the Roman Curia.

People are delighted with that. There is a real sense of importance of that. Many bishops in different parts of the world said that women are running communities where there are not enough priests. They recognize that in many [countries] of the Southern Hemisphere women have a major role already. How is it, though, that theyre not being recognized as such?

Looking at the question of being a pastor of a parish, which seems to link the one who presides at the Eucharist with actual leadership: Is that a connection that is absolutely necessary? Or can there be a leader of a community who is not the presider at the Eucharist but still has the same responsibility, authority and role within the community as a pastor would have?

GO: So do you foresee that they may recognize new roles, new ministries for women?

There could be, but I would say, talking to some bishops, they tell me already that they have women serving as pastors, who are serving as the head of communities because they dont have enough priests. They dont have the title, however. How do we officially recognize that, rather than seeing it as kind of an exception? I think we have to ask the question: Are these roles for lay people in the life of the community today just a matter of temporarily substituting [them because of] the shortage of priests? Or is there something about their baptism that, in fact, allows them to be able to have those roles not just in a temporary way, but as really a part of the ministry that belongs to their baptism?

GO: I was struck by the focus on baptism in this document and on the dignity and equality that comes from baptism.

Go back to the reflection that Timothy Radcliffe, O.P., gave on authority. He said, We have to start with the premise [that] everybody has authority by their baptism. Its a different kind of authority. But everybody has authority. So its not a matter of somebodys authority being jeopardized. Its not a zero-sum game.

If youre co-responsible, you also have co-authority. You cant separate those two. So how do we recognize the innate authority, the baptismal of authority of the laity in such a way that contributes to the building up of the life of the community? That was a very important reflection that he gave us; it turned heads. People talked about that one. They had never heard before that everybody has authority, a different kind of authority. Because you cant say were all co-responsible if you dont recognize that.

GO: One of the other big issues was the question of formation. The pope gave a very powerful intervention on formation. And formation comes out in many places in this document.

Its making sure that people who are called upon in the life of the church, to offer service to our ministry, that we invest in them; we dont take advantage of their goodwill and generosity and put them in a place without providing them with the resources in order to flourish in that position. Its not just a matter of people who are efficient and accomplish things. But how do they reflect upon it as part of their living out their baptism? Thats important.

There was one other thing that shouldnt be missed in the formation: The new ratio fundamentalis for seminaries does not allow for women to be involved as formators. But the document we passed clearly stated that women should be involved, not just in teaching, but also in formation work. There might be an open discussion about what that means.

GO: There was a lot of discussion about bishops in the synod. The document included a proposal for looking for ways to evaluate a bishops performance, to relook at the criteria for candidates for bishops, to ask if the role of the Metropolitan should be revisited.

Those questions have not been raised before. You know, every organization that has credibility has some sort of an evaluative tool, a performance review of people. We do it, many dioceses now do it, with the priests; we do it with the laypeople and so on. So I think I would welcome that. This is not to be critical of the bishop. But like any performance review, its done in such a way that allows the individual to grow in the work that theyre doing, because you can encourage things that are going well and also address areas of concern. This is a mature way of assisting an individual to grow within their own ministry and service.

They also talked about the need for greater participation in the selection of bishops. Ive always been for that. There should be broad and wide consultation. But [it should include] people who really know the individual, too. You cant just cast a wide net out there. It does put a lot of pressure on the nuncios to be able to do some real serious investigation of where this individual that is being considered has served and making sure that they get the right list.

GO: So you get input from laypeople?

Yes, and religious women and priests, not just bishops. Many times in the past, it used to be that the bishops were the only ones who were asked about these things. It was interesting, too, that there was a call for evaluating nuncios.

Thats a broader question with regard to the Holy See. A lot has been done with regard to how the various dicasteries can perform better. There have been some studies of dicasteries in the past. So if theyre going to do that for nuncios, I think there should be performance reviews as well here in the Vatican. For those who lead major congregations.

GO: Is that in the document as well?

No. I just think its best practice. I dont know why you wouldnt do it. I think it sets a standard by which you use [a] human resource standard that is in the long run much better for an organization.

GO: This document talks about the churchs response to the abuse crisis. How do you read what is in the document on this?

First of all, it was on the mind of peoplethat we cant shove this under the rug and that we have to hold people accountable. There have to be measures by which we evaluate how were doing with safeguarding. But in all of the various references to this particular topic, I was pleased that, for the most part, it began by putting the child in the middle of the room and making the safety of the child the priority. Ive always said, if you start with putting the child in middle of a room, you get it right, no matter what the question is. Thats present in this document.

GO: There was a section on truth and love where the document talks about controversial issues and how to address them. In that section, the term L.G.B.T. doesnt specifically appear. What do you see [that] is addressing that issue? Because it was discussed a lot in the synod.

Yes, it was. And its reflected in terms of how people identify their sexuality. And it was broader than the letters of L.G.B.T.Q. It also dealt with people who are in their second marriage.

What was being conveyed in the synod discussions and what the document tried to pick up was, first of all, that we should not start just with condemnations. [We should] also get to know people and realize that in many discussions, we dont know a whole lot. We have to really be careful about going full forward and pronouncing on things because we believe that theres a violation of Gods law or a church protocol. We really have to accompany people; nobody should feel excluded.

It was interesting that when [the document] dealt with the question of ecumenism, it made an interesting distinction between ecclesial communion and sacramental communion, in which you have people who are of a different Christian faith tradition, who might not have full ecclesial communion, but [it asks]: Is there a possibility to reimagine what sacramental communion means? Is there an analogy that can be used with regard to people who might not be in full and complete ecclesial union because of some aspect of their life, and sacramental communion? Much along the lines of what the pope says: that the Eucharist is not a reward but a source of healing. I am not sure how to unpack all of that.

But I wonder whether or not there is an analogyand analogies are not similitudes where theyre exactly the same. Because to talk about people who are in different Christian faith traditions and people who are in irregular life situations and Catholic surely are two different things.

But once you begin to introduce a distinction between ecclesial and sacramental communion, it might provide some insight into how to approach these issues in terms of including people.

GO: Were you surprised that there was less explicit reference to L.G.B.T. issues in the document?

Yes. Only because there was, at least in the groups that I was in, quite a bit of reference to that. People spoke of their experiences. There were some very compelling testimonies on the part of people about that in terms of their families. That was was not fully reflected in the document.

That doesnt mean were not going to return to it next year. I think thats going to happen.

I would say this, [in regard to] the discussions about the L.G.B.T.Q. community: There was greater discussion about that than polygamy. And polygamy was named in the document. And it was not a universal problem. And an issue like the gay and lesbian community would be.

But one thing that was in the same paragraph [on sexuality and identity] was that the church has the responsibility to defend the human dignity of everybody. And thats a powerful message, particularly in some countries, where, in fact, gay and lesbian people are prosecuted, even put to death, I think it was a clarion call to all of the church, that we cannot tolerate that kind of violence against people. And we have to defend human dignity.

GO: Now this document is going back to the dioceses. It should be going to your bishops conference in November. Will it?

I believe that what our bishops conference is going to do is commit a good amount of time to talk about this but also to hear the voices, not just of the bishops, but some of the other people who were there.

The most important thing we have to communicate are not the various issues but the experience that we have had. I have said before that the bishops of the Second Vatican Council only brought back the decisions. They never shared with us the experience or replicated it. I think we have an opportunity now to replicate the experience weve had here in the next 11 months, then to come back and be able to share what it is that the people of God had said to us when they have experienced a synodal process the way we did?

I think thats the challenge before us. And in fact, I think that the document moves in that direction. That very beautiful statement at the end is a call to action. And I think thats something Im going to take seriously in my own diocese.

Link:

Cardinal Cupich on the synod, women deacons, giving bishops job ... - America: The Jesuit Review

Dont yuck our yum, Meri.

Its time for another episode of Sister Wives, a show where the husband is perpetually spiraling, his main gal is forever playing the victim, timelines seemingly do not exist and the majority of the children have no contact with their father.

or as we like to call it, our comfort show.

This episode kicks off at Christines house in Utah with a pregnancy announcement from Mykelti and Tony, and another reminder of how much this timeline is seriously lagging. Mykelti tells her sister Ysabel that she and her Wish.com Aquaman husband have spawned again and the couple also spring the news on Christine that theyre expecting twins.

Mykelti says she wasnt surprised to find out she was expecting twins, and even tells her mom it makes sense, as shes been eating everything during her pregnancy not to be outdone by baby Avalon, who is unabashedly double-fisting bagels throughout this entire announcement.

Next we head over to Meris B&B in Utah for a much more somber announcement, though one we all knew was coming.

Well, everyone except Meri, apparently.

Meri tells viewers that it was recently her and Kodys 32nd wedding anniversary and while she and Kody have gone out to celebrate the occasion in recent years, its almost been more obligatory than anything else.

Still, Meri has truly savored that crumb of human decency she received once a year from her spouse, so when this years anniversary rolled around, she was bummed when Kody didnt even bother to shoot her a text.

Meri, being the Rice-Krispies-treat-making masochist that she is, says she decided to take matters into her own hands and call Kody herself. She even suggested the two of them go on a drive to celebrate the trash heap that is their marital union.

Bricks. Bricks for damn brains, this one. Im tellin you

Meri is sad (and we are cringing) when Kody tells her that has to check with Robyn, as he was watching her their kids at the time.

Just when we think our second-hand embarrassment for Meri has reached an all-time high, Kody reveals to viewers that he wasnt actually busy with The Chosen 5 (Dayton, Princess Pierced Ears, Sobyn Jr., Sol and the One With the Pacifier), he just needed an excuse to get out of spending time with ol Mer.

Much to our- and definitely to Meris- surprise, Kody is granted permission from the Head of Household loyal wife and begrudgingly offers to take Meri out to dinner. Now, we WOULD bet the expired My Sisterwifes Closet gift card weve been hanging onto all these years that Kodys lame ass took Meri to Salsa Brava to mark their special occasion, but unfortunately well never know, as the camera crew wasnt invited along for this excursion. (Ten bucks he whipped the car through the McDonalds drive-thru and devoured his Big Mac faster than any human ever has before.)

Luckily, Meri is contractually obligated to give viewers a rundown of her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad anniversary dinner, which she reveals included a major slip of the tongue, courtesy of Kody.

At one point he made some reference to faking relationships or something like that and I was like, What do you mean, faking? Meri recalls. And we were sitting across the table from each other and he kinda gestured, like, with his fingers, you know, like, between the two of us.

Meri says she pressed Kody on his comment, insisting to him that she wasnt faking anything, to which Kody told her he didnt know why she even bothered calling him to say happy anniversary in the first place.

Ouch. (Normally I would feel bad for Meri, but, to be fair, Kody has made it extremely clear that he has no interest in Meri and that he hopes she will stay up in her bell-tower except for the rare occasion she brings him cereal-filled dessert treats. And make no mistake it really, really pains me to take Kodys side on anything. Butbricks, I tell ya!)

Meri says Kody also pointed out that they arent a married couple, before correcting himself to say they arent living as a married couple. Though Meri has had a front-row seat to the s**t show that has been her marriage to Kody for years, she claims she only realized in that moment how Kody really fills feels about their union.

Kody goes on to tell viewers that right before his and Meris 25th wedding anniversary, the two of them were in a really bad place and counseling just wasnt fixing things. He also mentions that around this time, Meri asked him to stop staying over at her MLM-funded mini-mansion, but says he was convinced- allegedly by his other wives- that maybe he should keep trying.

Despite all of his effort, Kody says he eventually realized there was just no salvaging his and Meris relationship, and even Meri admits that she asked Kody for a break around that time. Unbeknownst to her, however, that break ultimately turned into more of an amputation.

Still, Meri insists she never kicked Kody out of her home, nor did she despite what Kody claims pack up his bedazzled Bret Michaels Collection jeans, visors and hoards of L.A. Looks hair gel and relegate them to the garage, la Christine.

I didnt tell him to never come back, she says. I didnt tell him that I didnt wanna see him again. I never kicked him out.

As Meri continues to regale viewers on her romance-free night with Kody, she reveals that Kody (finally) told her he has no desire to have a relationship with her.

FINALLY? UM.he has literally been saying that for years. Even back in the Wetbar Days, he was making it clear he had no interest in sexing up sad sack Meri.

He said, Dont you understand, Meri? This is never going to happen. Your life is not one that I wanna insert myself into, she recalls.

Meri admits how painful it was to hear Kody say aloud what has been blatantly obvious to seemingly everyone but her for years, claiming Kody has never said anything along those lines to her, like, ever.

UM!?!

Meri adds that Kody promised to love her to infinity and beyond, and that she is heartbroken that his Buzz Lightyear-esque declaration of affection now means nothing to him.

Next we head back to Christines, where she is still tweaking out over the twinnouncement. Mykelti tells her mom and sibs that because twin births are more high risk, shes been advised to have the Kody GrandSpawns in a hospital, instead of on the floor of her cluttered office (or wherever the hell she was when she had her first kid.)

Viewers are then subjected treated to a flashback of Mykeltis home birth with Avalon, which, as you may recall, featured a boldly-positioned Christine, sibling spectators, a camera crew, mini-fridge and an alarming number of plastic water bottles.

Christine says Tony was not down with the home birth situation and upon Avalons arrival, he insisted to Mykelti that they never go that route again. Christine assures viewers that although Mykeltis home birth was fine, she supports the couple no matter what they decide to do- especially when she learns that they will be using the same doctor that delivered Truely in 2010.

While Christine had a hospital delivery for baby No. 6, she touts that she popped out her five oldest plyglets from the comfort of her home with no issues. And, because producers are seemingly leaving most of the good stuff on the cutting room floor this season and are instead, force-feeding us Kodys Christmas crepes flashbacks, we get to relive Robyns home birth of Solomon, and hear Maddie scream in agony as Axel simultaneously enters the worldand Janelles bedroom.

Christine tells viewers she highly recommends home births, as do many plural families, because they prevent things from getting complicated when it comes to filling out birth certificates and whatnot.

Theres a whole big fear mentality about hospitals in the polygamous culture, she explains. And so, I think because of that, my kids just always think theres, like, a little bit of fear associated with the hospital, still.

We then cut to Janelle, who tells viewers that unlike Christine, shes fearless AF when it comes to birthing babies and the medical system in general, noting that she didnt grow up in polygamy, so she never had to worry about skirting the law, etc. She also says that Kodys name is on all six of her childrens birth certificates, proving once and for all that anyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a dad.

Christine acknowledges that there is a big pressure on Mykelti, being that shes basically playing both sides of the fence the bridge between her/Jenelle and Kody/Robyn, but says its awesome that her daughter has love for, and is supported by, both parties.

Speaking of parties, later on we head to Kody and Robyns home where we get a rare glimpseinside at all the Amazon boxes.Mr. & Mrs. Monogamy and The Chosen 5 have so graciously invited Ysabel and Truely over to celebrate Truelys upcoming 12th birthday.

Robyn pretends to get emotional over the fact that little Truely will soon be a teenager (umm, in a year), only to then reveal the real reason this afterthought of a party means so much to her: she married Kody shortly after Truelys birth, therefore Truely has no memories that dont include Robyn, Robyns kids or Robyns historically tragic eyebrows.

Not Robyn somehow managing to make a kids birthday party all about her I dont believe it!

While Truely is more-than-happy to collect some gifts from her part-time dad and his wife, Ysabel is less enthused to be along for the visit, and rightfully so. Christine reminds viewers that Ysabel lives in North Carolina with Maddie and Caleb and is fully content doing her own thing far, far away from The Kody Brown Family BS.

Kody admits there is distance between him and nearly all of some of his kids, as well as some distrust. He says while Truely seems perfectly fine, Ysabel seems to be uncomfortable a lot of the times.

Ysabel- whose dad once suggested that she travel across the country alone in the middle of a pandemic to undergo major back surgery- acknowledges that her relationship with Kody has never been great and says its only gotten more rocky since her parents divorced. Kody echoes this statement, while also completely minimizing the situation, claiming there seems to be a mild strain between him and some of his kids.

He then blames this so-called mild strain on the family shutting down the Polygamist Barbie Dreamhouse plan he proposed years ago.

Kody snidely remarks that he may have expected too much from his family and that maybe his kids would have been better off had they lived in separate homes (with their respective moms) and been raised as cousins.

Ummconsidering that Robyn was formerly married to Christines first cousin who also happened to be Kodys third cousin, this was an odd statement for him to make. Dare we say, even more odd than his decision to sport permed ringlets at the age of 50

Viewers are then reminded of the cringe-inducing Kody Brown Family mission statement Kody and the wives spent entirely too many hours drafting years ago, as well as the 2014 family commitment ceremony, where the wives memorably rocked dresses ugly enough to make a pair of Meris patterned MLM leggings actually look appealing.

After Kody tells viewers hes trying to redefine his life, the topic of religion comes up at Truelys birthday, presumably after Robyn noticed Truelys party T-shirt. Ysabel tells Robyn and Kody that shes found a church she likes in North Carolina, to which Kody tells viewers hed almost be too embarrassed to attend church in Utah due to the struggles his family has had.

Kody says his family hasnt established a religious connection in Flagstaff, nor did they have one in Las Vegas, save for the living room sermons he and the wives used to guilt the kids into sitting through once or twice a year.

Makeshift/no place of worship aside, Kody tells viewers hes always been a man of faith, but has struggled due to the whole #PlygLife sitch.

At this point in the episode, a producer off-camera randomly asks Kody if hes heard from his daughter Maddie recently, to which Kody admits that Maddie stopped reaching out to him a while ago. Kody is absolutely perplexed as to why his relationship with this particular spawn went to hell, but fortunately, Janelle is there to saw Kody the hell down clear things up.

Maddie doesnt call him because of his behavior lately, Janelle says. Shes like, I dont know what to do with him. I dont know who this guy is.

Remember, Maddie and Kody once had a really great relationship. Not only was Kody completely enamored with Maddies husband Caleb, but he also performed the couples wedding ceremony.

After a few more minutes of Kody rambling about (and taking no responsibility for) his deteriorating family, Janelle tells viewers that her kids pretty much stopped reaching out to Kody once Kody admitted he only cared about his minor children.

We then cut to Kody, who says he only told his kids that his obligation as their parent shifts once they become adults.

Janelle says Kody is getting exactly what he puts into the relationships with his kids, which is a really nice way of saying that Kody is a trash excuse of a father who is getting exactly what he deserves.

Janelle then starts discussing the relationships in her own life, specifically those with her sister wives, both past and present. Janelle says she and Robyn were always great team players, but they never connected on a friend level; and as for Meri, she admits the two of them always had personality differences. Janelle says she has no reason to seek out either of Kodys remaining groupies and is perfectly content kicking it with Christine and their respective kids. Oh, and her garden.

Janelle says shed like to one day build a greenhouse on Coyote Pass, assuming Kody and Robyn dont drop the ball and ultimately lose the property. Kody says not only is he planning to pay off Coyote Pass, but he and Robyn still intend to build there.

Sure, Jan..

Back in Utah, Christine- with help from Ysabel, Aspyn, Mitch and Paedon- tries to right her ex-husbands wrongs by properly teaching Truely how to ride a bicycle. Christine reminds viewers that Kody completely botched what should have been a sweet father-daughter moment years ago, thus rendering 12-year-old Truely unable to whip it throughout the neighborhood on two wheels like the badass she is.

While Truely isnt able to master bike riding skills after Day 1, the experience certainly goes better than her attempt to learn from Kody seven years earlier, so Christine chalks the day up as a win.

Because this show is incapable of ending an episode on a positive note, we close things out with a final check-in with a Meri as she continues to talk about the good old days- aka the days when Kody would still answer her phone calls.

Meri says at the beginning of her marriage, shed sometimes question if Kody would be able to love her forever as he promised, at which point Kody would reassure her that their love was the rill dill. Thirty years, three sister wives, 18 kids and one catfishing scandal later, Meri says Kody finally told her on their anniversary dinner date from hell that he never really loved her at all, he was only trying to convince himself that he did.

Geez, Kody.

Meri says Kodys comments are even more ridiculous than his dance moves, and claims anyone who knew them as a couple back in the day would say the same.

While kicking Kody to the curb where he belongs seems like the logical move, Meri reminds viewers that in the Mormon religion, their union is (or was supposed to be) an eternal covenant.

I feel like hes like, Well, Im just not interested. You can stick if you want. Meri says. But Im like, why would I want to do that eternally? Be with someone who really just has changed his mind about me.

Meri says Kody, being the gracious man he is, extended an invite to her to visit him and Robyn and the kids whenever, (after first giving them 2-3 days notice, of course) which she plans to do, given that her circle is dwindling by the minute.

Meri also reveals that Kody tried to put the kibosh on her opening up about their struggles, claiming he already receives too much criticism from the public. Meri, who mustve stumbled across a sliver of backbone while clearing out that carriage house at the B&B, says shes sick of hiding the truth and has a right to tell the world just how much Kody sucks.

(We hate to break it to you, Meri, but just like the time you revealed the elevator to the family at your old Flagstaff rental, youre not telling anyone anything they didnt already know.)

Just when we think we might be entering the How Meri Got Her Groove Back era of this series, Meri says that parting ways with Kodilocks doesnt sit well with her values.

I didnt marry Kody and make this eternal covenant just to be like, Hmm, its not working for us, I think Ill peace out, she says. And right now, I dont know what to do about it.

Thats all for this episode of Sister Wives!

To catch up on more of The Ashleys Sister Wives recaps, click here!

RELATED STORY: Sister Wives Star Gwendlyn Brown Says Her Mom Christine Told Her, Im Sorry Your Dad Doesnt Love You During Christines Divorce From Kody

(Photos: TLC)

Original post:

'Sister Wives' Season 18 Episode 11 Recap: A Cringey Anniversary ... - The Ashley's Reality Roundup