Daily Archives: May 24, 2021

On April 2, 2021, Demi Lovato released their seventh studio album, Dancing with the Devil the Art of Starting Over, containing the title single Dancing with the Devil. This album was released along with the documentary series on YouTube Originals, Demi Lovato: Dancing with the Devil. The music from this album is based on Lovatos obstacles in life and in their career, and brings forth the idea of self-empowerment. It follows their personal recovery after drug overdose in 2018. The documentary series, too, covers Demi Lovatos personal experiences on this journey.

This album was fairly well-received among the music community. While it wasnt particularly chart-topping or beyond all previous expectations, it was a difficult and ambitious story to tell, and paid off in a beautiful way.

The emotional meaning behind this album is not one that I can personally relate to. However, the significance it has to Lovatos life and their own struggles to recovery make the story it tells valuable and interesting. As an experience that many go through, the underlying themes throughout the songs are ones that can be inspiring and uplifting to those who may be facing similar struggles in the present.

Throughout my many listens of the album, I most enjoyed how it came together as a story one connected idea.

The album begins with the song Anyone, which is an excellent exposure to their inner thoughts and struggles. It nicely encapsulates the feeling of hopelessness and expresses their feelings of being alone, and that only after trying seemingly everything did they turn to darker habits and activities; this is the start of their path towards overdose. The title song Dancing with the Devil continues this thematic centerpiece, that once they started was almost impossible to stop. The idea of dancing with the devil is one of only becoming the slightest bit involved in the idea of evil, and yet with that small step, becoming irrevocably stuck; this metaphor, for me, was extremely powerful.

The song ICU is also Madisons Lullabye, which is the first song to feature another person; here, its Madison Lee De La Garza, who happens to be Lovatos younger half-sister. This song reveals an outside perspective, which I found to be extremely insightful and interesting to hear. The song entitled Intro was a surprise, but was a spoken-word introduction that felt genuine, even if unexpected. The song The Art of Starting Over, also in accordance with the title, is an empowering and inspiring song about starting anew. It isnt exceptionally unique, but it does feel fitting and thematically connected. Lonely People, while embracing the idea of loneliness within and among everyone, feels a little generic in its generalization of everyone as a whole. The songs The Way You Dont Look at Me and Melon Cake fit seamlessly into the gradually more optimistic highlights. Met Him Last Night and What Other People Say feature Ariana Grande and Sam Fischer respectively, yet do not lose their thematic connection. If anything, the additional voices add to the power of the songs, rather than solely relying on the hype of the celebrity feature. Noah Cyrus and Saweetie are also featured later in the album, and both only serve to enhance the eternally uplifting mood of the album.

The penultimate song Butterfly is lighter and softer, giving a stronger connotation of freedom and happiness, and the last song Good Place finishes the album on a positive note. It allows listeners to have hope of healing and recovery, and is a bittersweet finale to both the album and the journey of their struggles. It reflects upon their despair as well as the ultimate happiness they reached. While I may hold the personal opinion that some of the songs are overly repetitive in lyrics and in pop music tropes, I do think the story it tells, above all, is so important and well thought-out. This is an album worth giving a chance to, and one that I think will get better as you listen to it over time.

Excerpt from:

'Dancing with the Devil' a candid, heartbreaking album into stardom - The Tide

Showtunes, my eye.

Theres something deeply abject about musicals, isnt there? I use the termabjectin the Julia Kristeva sense the feeling of instinctive horror that accompanies the sight of a corpse or excrement or the yucky-looking skin that forms on top of warm milk. The best musicals understand this think ofOliver! with its opening ecstatic chorus of all-singing, all-dancing abused and starving orphans. Or to take a more recent example, the song Let it Go from Frozen. Elsa would wish, from her point of view, to pitch it as an inspiring moment of self-empowerment. Indeed the power of those magic words, Let it Go, lie in their ubiquity as a self-help mantra for the morbidly ruminative. But shes deluding herself. She knows it, we know it. The cold never bothered me anyway. Just who do you think youre kidding, Elsa? Youre comitting a self-destructive act of psychic self-harm, which advances the plot, develops your character and makes the hairs on my arm stand up. Eek.

So, having established thatKurt Wagner, the baseball be-hatted, god-like genius behindLambchop, has decided to situate his new album somewhere in this deeply manipulative world of unearned emotion, we are glad to report that theres nothing on Showtunesthat is going to be covered byMichael Bubl any time soon.Showtunesis brilliant.

The gimmick onShowtunesis that Wagner has figured out that he can use MIDI to play the piano via his guitar and suddenly has access to an expressive palette that recalls earlyTom Waitsor the moodier and more modernist side ofGershwin. Its more than a mere gimmick of course Wagners is one of pops most questing intelligences and hes pushing out into (for him) entirely new territory. The presence ofRyan Olsen(Polia) andAndrew Broder(Fog) along withTwit One, the German DJ who helped shape previous LPFLOTUS, help to keep things interesting.Yo La Tengocompletists will also note the presence ofJames McNewon stand-up bass. It seems a shame to breakShowtunes up into discreet songs its like a continuous sonic frieze that takes in synthesised strings, sampled opera and more obviously glitchy electronic beats, wooshes and echoes, which form an ironic counterpoint to the Nighthawks-at-the-Diner piano motifs. The cumulative effect is that of a nervous collage of processed sounds that repays listen after listen.

The songs have a quality of deliberate incompletion, as though defined by what is clearly left out as much as by what is included. Lyrics seem to bleed from one tune into another. On Fuku, Wagner croons that, God its getting hard to tell / Even if you tell it well, while a couple of tracks later Blue Leo describes a trip to a supermarket: By the time I get to Phoenix is softly playing in the produce / Theres a crowd around the leafy vegetables / and the band is getting wet / and its getting hard to tell / if its gunfire or the sound of fireworks. This sense of things appearing indistinctly, of thingsbeing hard to telland being everywhere at once pervades the album. The wordtelldoes double duty here, both in the sense of the ability to perceive of an object and also to speak of it. Thus the irony ofShowtunesas a title. If a showtunes nature is to cheaply adorn a wider theatrical narrative, to grasp at things that it isnt quite able to represent, then LambchopsShowtunes repudiate the genres shallowness while simultaneously wallowing in its glory.

One of the most complete songs here is Unknown Man, which describes looking at or possibly finding oneself in the background of a black and white photo of a man in a street. Or perhaps Wagner is in the street looking at a photo of a man the way that its phrased makes it (you guessed?) hard to tell. The man in the picture has an afro and wears a jumpsuit and will do so forever in the photograph. Again theres a deft blurring of the foreground/background and the position of the viewer, the I and you and he of the song, gazing at and through each other, across time.

Time isShowtunes real subject, and if pressed to reach for a comparison Id argue that its closest cousin might be the haunted ballroom of The Caretaker those old 78s distorted and buried in reverb as a kind of aural labyrinth of loss, dilapidation and oblivion.Showtunesopens with A Chefs Kiss, that timeless signifier of a thing brought to perfection. But listen to the words: It took til death to tell your story, Wagner muses, and dreams of the film he will make of it all.

In the press materials going out with the album, it is carefully and correctly stressed that Showtunesis in no way an album of the pandemic. It was conceived of, written and, one presumes, recorded long ago. The words have no connection to the experience we now all share, Wagner is quoted as saying, I find that to be a strong element in their favour. Ive yet to reconcile the time I live in currently with something I care to enshrine in song. Im searching for a way beyond that, but I find it limiting and I think good music deserves better.

Its not hard to relate to Wagners reticence about being reconciled to where we now. Ive barely processed the last year myself and have only respect for anyone who has. Yet, a few years ago, on The Air is Heavy and I Should be Listening to You fromThis is What I Wanted to Tell You, a song about air filled with lemon-scented displeasure, the listener runs into the chorus, This is the new not normal. Ah yes, the new normal. That fucking thing. Writing about the LP at the time, one of the themes that struck me was a sense of unfolding catastrophe, not in any personal sense, but in the wider climate of Trumpism, or environmental collapse (all those suspicious glances at the weather) and the feeling of something impending, some unspecified threat or anxiety in the background of our lives.

This is not to say that Lambchop predicted the pandemic. But equally, I dont believe it took much imagination in 2018 to be filled with dread about what 2021 might be like. Something was coming, if not this pandemic then something equally horrifying. And we were always going to shrug and grit our teeth and call it the new normal and do our best to get on with our fragile little lives, no matter how many bodies piled up, because thats what you always have to do you have, as someone once said, always been the caretaker. But Showtunes preoccupation with disintegration and death, and the form its preoccupations take, mark it out as an apt point to sit with our collective grief, whatever the authors view of the matter. Ill be interested to return to the record in a few years, in a different and hopefully happier context and find something new, and maybe think of something to say that does it justice.

Because Showtunes is a very beautiful, brilliant record. It draws on the very best of the tradition it alludes to, while playfully subverting it. Its rare to hear music at once so experimental and also so entirely pleasurable fleeting moments rendered immortal.

Related

Continued here:

Lambchop - Showtunes (City Slang) | God Is In The TV - God Is In The TV

A trio of radio DJs from Fife are putting their best foot forward in a bizarre charity challenge to prove that walking on broken glass is less painful than stepping on Lego.

Kingdom FM breakfast show hosts, Vanessa Motion and Dave Connor, came up with the plan after discussing a report on their show which claimed stepping on a piece of the famous building block hurt more than walking on shards of glass.

The discussion lit up the stations telephone lines which resulted in the unlikely plan being hatched to see if it was true.

It all came about after we read a fact out on air that said Lego was more painful to walk on than broken glass, explained Vanessa.

Soon after we were challenged by Kirkcaldy-based Phoenix Firewalk, an extreme experience company, to try out a glasswalk under their instruction.

Moments after that we got a donation of 500 and that twisted Daves arm, so we hatched a plan, albeit a slightly worrying one, to walk on glass and raise some much-needed funds for childrens charity, Kingdom Kids at the same time.

We launched a donations page and told listeners that unless we raised at least 1,000 we wouldnt go through with the challenge.

We smashed through that target in just two hours while still on air so now we have roped in our afternoon presenter, Gemma McLean, to join us.

The trio will receive the necessary training and instruction from personal empowerment coach, Barry Collins, who runs Phoenix Firewalk, before walking across a five foot long stretch of glass made up of around 150 broken bottles.

I heard them talking about it so called them up to dare them to come along and find out for certain, said Barry.

Like anything there is an element of risk but as long as they follow my specific instructions they will have a positive learning experience.

While a firewalk will last no more than four or five seconds, a glass walk is the polar opposite and could take 90 seconds or even longer.

Its all about having your mind in the present and involves the walker feeling for what they are comfortable with before making that step.

We advise the walker not to look down as it is not about how the glass looks but how it feels.

The walker must pay attention and be fully present in the moment as they feel their way across the glass.

The DJs will now take on the challenge this week whilst not sustaining any injuries and have already raised over 2,200.

Anyone wishing to donate can do so by following the link: Kingdom FM Glasswalk for Kingdom Kids.

See the original post:

Meet the Fife DJs preparing to test their pain threshold by walking on broken glass - Evening Telegraph

Green Bay Packers legend Donald Driver collaborated with Moral Code, a shoe company known for its quality leather products, and designed a new line of footwear. His son, Christian, contributed to the vision.

The styles range from casual to formal and are named after Drivers personal convictions: passion, purpose, thrive, imagine and discover.

The shared mission between the Drivers and Moral Code founder, Mark Kohlenberg, was to create an unprecedented shoe collectionfeaturing a father/son design team that would trulygive back and make an impact on the community.

A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Drivers charitable initiatives, many of which focus on helping young men in underserved communities understand and practice self-empowerment. And in order to achieve this, Driver believes dressing for success is integral to the process.

Driver says he learned this for himself before his first pre-season game in Green Bay as aseventh-round draft pick.

Growing up in the inner city, I didnt have a ton of money, so when I got to Green Bay, I had nothing but shorts and tank tops.They told us we needed to dress up in casual clothes, and I got on the plane in my Green Bay jumpsuit because I didnt have the money to buy new clothes, says Driver.

Driver sat next to Antonio Freeman, who eyed up his outfit and made him a promise that changed Drivers life.

I remember Antonio said to me, Dont worry, Ive got you.' He told me if I made the team, hed buy my first suit to wear on the road. For him to do that for me was truly special and that was the moment I realized that my gift in life would be to give back to others, says Driver.

In Drivers family, shoes were items that were passed down, even from one generation to the next.

I know a lot of kids today are going through the same thing. Theyre getting hand-me-downs and the shoes might be too big or small for their foot. What they need is something thats going to take the pressure, stress and anxiety from them and allow them to feel confident in themselves, says Driver.

Thus, designing shoes that not only look sharp, but are also affordable is meaningful to Driver.

My moral code is that if you look good, you feel goodand thats the whole point," he says.

To check out the Moral Code / Donald Driver collection go here.

The rest is here:

Donald Driver creates new shoe collection with a sole-ful mission - OnMilwaukee.com

One day in 1992, Anglique Kidjo walked into a magazine editors office and found herself being introduced over the phone to one of her all-time favorite artists.

Someone said, Mrs. Kidjo, Mr. Brown wants to talk to you, she recalls. In stunned disbelief, she replied, Yeah, and Im Mother Teresa. But it really was James Brown, the Godfather of Soul himself, asking to talk to her.

I almost dropped the phone, she continues. He was speaking, and I couldnt understand, so I started singing. He picked up the song and I would do the bassline, I would do the guitar, I would do the drumsjust like, crazy stuff.

Its just one of a sea of stories of Kidjo meeting and collaborating with all-time greats across generations. Over the course of her three-decade long career, Kidjo, 60, has dipped into the vast well of legendary artists and performers across the black diaspora taking inspiration from South African artist and activist Miriam Makeba, Cuban salsa icon Celia Cruz, Aretha Franklin, and many more. She has collaborated with many of the African continents greatest legends, from the bluesy stylings of Boubacar Traor to Manu Dibangos Cameroonian jazz saxophone lyricism.

After a storied career of paying her respects through endless innovation within black sonic canons, she has the distinct honor of being exalted on the level of the artists she adores, with young artists throughout the international black community often referring to her as Ma or grande soeur. Now, she is paying that respect forward wherever possible including rounding out her latest album, Mother Nature, with collaborative features from emerging young artistic voices in the African continent and its diaspora, ranging from Nigerian star Burna Boy to Atlanta hip-hop duo Earthgang.

With my work, Im always in my continent, she says, explaining that shes learned a lot about emerging contemporary youth culture via her work with UNICEF and her own Batonga Foundation. They want something completely differentThey arent playing, man. Theyre huge stars in their own right, and making much more money than they can make in America or anywhere else.

This perspective informed Kidjos remarks on the 2020 Grammys stage in Los Angeles, where she won Best World Music Album for Celia a project that revisited the salsa greats defining tracks and amplified the distinct West African percussive and spiritual foundations of the Queen of Salsas music. Four years ago on this stage, she said, looking out to the crowd from the podium, I was telling you that the new generations of artists coming from Africa are gonna take you by storm, and the time has come.

Thats what Im trying to tell them at the Grammys, she says now. Im saying, yall are gonna stop looking at Africa through your really narrow-minded lens. Things are happening and these new generations, they aint afraid of no challenge at all.

At the time, Burna Boy was also nominated for his critically lauded project African Giant, which included Kidjos contributions on the powerhouse track Different alongside Damian Marley. Its a moment that was facilitated by a call from none other than Burnas mother and manager, Mama Burna, who notably accepted a BET Award on his behalf in 2019 while stating, every black person should please remember that you were Africans before you were anything else a sentiment that goes hand-in-hand with Kidjos personal and professional ethos.

I went and visited him after the Grammys and we talked, Kidjo says. That conversation led to a standout collaboration on her new album that Burna supplied, called Do Yourself an immersive collaboration with the young star, known for his anti-colonial imagery and messaging, that serves as a call to action for African self-empowerment and self-determination.

Mother Nature serves the dual purpose of both inspiring the masses looking for guidance towards the future, and connecting with the next generation of artists who have had the privilege of following in the footsteps of Kidjo and her contemporaries while blazing trails of their own. Nigerian artist and Banku music pioneer Mr. Eazis contributions to the project in the track Africa, One of A Kind are anchored by a dynamic sampling of Salif Keitas Africa, a song that Kidjo originally planned on performing in a curated Carnegie Hall series in March 2020 honoring 1960s Year of Africa alongside Manu Dibango, before Dibango tragically passed from Covid-19. Dignity, a collaboration with Yemi Alade, is a direct response to the youth-led uprising against Nigerias infamous Special Anti-Robbery Squad. Free and Equal, whose title directly plays off of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and is a call to the entire black diaspora, brings in Zambian artist Sampa the Great, whom Kidjo discovered by watching her Tiny Desk Concert.

Kidjo also harkens back to her homeland of Benin with Omon Oba, bringing in young Beninese musicians to continue the work of building her personal story into a greater practice of reverence. Salif [Keita], myself and the young generation, we just have to continue that chain, she says. That chain allowed us to know who we are and where we come from you might not know where were going, but we definitely know where we can go back to. And go back she does, reshaping the seminal revolutionary Congolese classic Independence Cha-Cha into a melody that honors the ongoing liberation fights throughout the continent in both sentiment and name.

Kidjos coalescence of personal and political is most evident in the title track, which tells the story of ancestral struggles that have played out with the African diaspora, emphasizing how those struggles manifest in climate and environmental justice efforts, particularly in the midst of the Covid pandemic. If you dont want to weigh people down, make them dance make them dance and listen, she says. All of those conversations are very deep conversations to have, and I want people listening to the album to have those conversations themselves by listening to the song.

What provides the album with its gravitas is its emphasis on connection not just between the older generations and young upstarts, but between cultures and places. She connects the Yoruba legacy and musical stylings with its descendants in present-day Benin, reinterpolates the traditional varit franaise style of ballads with the sharp edges of West African inflection and percussion, marries electronica with traditional continental rhythms, and injects calypso, kompa, and dancehall musical phrasings into contemporary Afrobeats production and alt-R&B with ease.

Since the Trilogy album series she began in the late 1990s (Oremi, Black Ivory Soul, and Oyaya!), Kidjo has made a point of acknowledging African-American cultural production and its prominent position in the greater contemporary diasporic fabric. For this album, she tapped the Roots James Poyser to work on her track with Earthgang, whose distinctly melodic and staccato lyrical approach integrates seamlessly with a Congolese-influenced refrain.

Asked for her perspective on her esteemed status amongst peers and idols, Kidjo simply states, Its just a matter of humility. Shed rather defer to a position of service to her people, the music, and the various inspirations that compel her to create. She is happy to see the ways that conviction has empowered younger artists on the continent to pursue their own sensibilities without reservation. I do it because thats the person that I am, and Im not expecting anything in return. But if, through my work my integrity and my hard work representing my continent for so long, taking so much heat, so many slaps it gives them the strength to be who they want to be today, then I think part of my job is done.

Having represented such a large diaspora of black people on the world stage is not a gift that she takes lightly, and it is a core part of her mission to transform topics that people find to be cerebral and abstruse into engaging musical storytelling. On Mother Nature, she uses joy and pride as transcendent tools of empowerment. A self-designated Daughter of Independence Kidjo was born on July 14th, 1960, two weeks before Benin declared independence and in the same year as 16 other nations establishment of autonomy she sees the pandemic and ongoing liberation crises as urgent calls to action. Community is more critical than ever before, and her mission to inspire change and speak truth to power has now been re-centered in collective work and trust, embracing the impact that her work has had on the younger generations.

The best way to tell our story is us, she says. No one can tell it for us. You want to be part of this train, or you just want to be a bystander? You want to jump in it? We need collaboration, we need partnership we dont need your help.

In Kidjos world, your place of birth in the black diaspora is irrelevant: Everyone should be able to tap into a shared pride in a greater African legacy, and the way that legacy is expressed in its multitude of iterations. Dont be afraid of no one, she adds, because where you come from is great. Period.

Read more here:

Anglique Kidjo Is Tapping the Next Generation to Speak Truth to Power - Rolling Stone

Many people can feel fearful and anxious when they think about the future. The not knowing and not being in control can play havoc on some people who prefer the illusion of controlling their future.

Some people might have a mental health challenge when it comes to thinking about the future, they might experience one or more symptoms of depression, anxiety, or PTSD. They are robbed of the excitement that so many people feel when they think of the future.

The fears of the future are plentiful and shared by many people. They might be held back by something from their past that they have yet to resolve. The things that might keep some people stuck in the past prevent them from looking forward to the future.

The past has a way of coming up again and again for some people and when there are hurts involved, it can be very challenging to move into the future.

The impact of staying stuck in the past or not moving into the future can be significant on peoples professional and personal lives.

There are three components to taking on the fears of the future while also paying attention to the past.

1. Develop an open mindset that focuses on the good and positive experiences and outcomes with any expected event or activity.2. Align behaviors to the mindset and check-in with yourself often to stay the course towards the future.3. Focus on the positive feelings that come with achieving the outcomes and results in the future.

Relating the fears of the future to the COVID-19 pandemic can be complicated and cumbersome for many people. Those who can apply a plan to moving into the future now that restrictions and guidelines have been lifted will most likely come out on the other side with a story of resilience and determination.

Facing the fears that might come with the thinking about the future and powering through the past will give you a sense of empowerment and build massive self-confidence.

With much gratitude.

Shutterstock

See the article here:

Fears of the Future - The Good Men Project

New research from Mintel reveals that more than three-fifths (63%) of Americans say they are inspired by beauty brands that show diversity in advertising.

The majority of people who would like to see diversity in beauty/grooming advertising say they feel this way because it reflects real life (68%) and shows that there are different ways to be beautiful" (56%). Whats more, almost half (47%) of beauty consumers say they have looked for/bought from brands with diversity or inclusivity in the last year and a quarter (24%) have shopped with beauty brands that are minority owned.

Indicating further desire for change among beauty brands, almost three-quarters of adults agree the beauty industry plays on womens insecurities (73%) and societys idea of beauty is too rigidly defined (72%). This points to opportunities for beauty brands to evolve away from these negative perceptions by inspiring and empowering consumers.

Beauty marketing is increasingly shifting from aspirational to inspirational. Successful brands recognize that demonstrating a strong commitment to diversity and inclusion - whether through employment, advertising and/or product development - helps drive inspiration and empowerment, said Clare Hennigan, Senior Beauty and Personal Care Analyst, at Mintel. Brands have the opportunity to make a real impact by integrating different types of beauty diversity in a way, and at a place and time, that is truly authentic to them. For example, waiting until Pride Month in June to promote gender-neutral products could be perceived as a marketing stunt instead of a brand value. Brands that stand to win are the ones who have committed to diversity as an ongoing practice and genuinely listen to their audience to determine how those efforts are perceived.

However, understanding consumer perception of beauty inclusivity is complicated and nuanced, notes Mintel.

Indeed, half (52%) of consumers who use beauty products say affordable products indicate that a brand is inclusive, while 48% say a wide range of shades makes a brand inclusive. Two-fifths (39%) feel that when brands represent diverse groups in advertising that makes them inclusive. But inclusivity indicators also vary by life stage. For example, 55% of Baby Boomers[1] say brands with products that meet a variety of age-related needs are inclusive, while only 32% of Gen Z[2] agree. And 40% of Gen Z think brands that offer gender neutral products are inclusive compared to only 25% of Baby Boomers.

When consumers consider whether or not a beauty brand is inclusive, it is heavily dictated by whether the brand satisfies the consumers own needs - how accessible the brand is to them personally - underlining the importance of understanding core audience values and needs. This approach has led to some brands developing hyper-personalized, inclusive products like the LOral Perso, which is said to launch in 2021 and uses AI to create personalized skincare formulas. At the same time, other brands are exploring inclusivity through a minimalist or universal approach. Skincare brand Humanrace markets itself as suitable for all humans. Whatever the approach, brands that are able to align their inclusivity efforts with the needs and expectations of their target audience will have greater commercial success, concluded Hennigan.

Read more here:

Beauty brands that show diversity in advertising inspire American consumers - Premium beauty

From error to error, one discovers the entire truth. Sigmund Freud

Youre attractive, loyal, honest, hardworking andwell, boring. I mean, lets face it: when youve got your life together, some potential partners will see you as rigid and boring because its monotonous. When our partner is too together, we can set our watch by their predictability. Up by 6 a.m. Home by 6 p.m. Check-in text by 1 p.m. Asleep by 9:30 p.m. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Synchronize Swatches

Is this a bad thing? Nope. Its a boring thing.

When youre seen as stable and predictable, boring always seems to hitch a ride. Maybe nice guys really do finish last. Or, maybe its true what they say about good women being attracted to the bad-for-you kind of guy.

Certain personality traits give off that moody, tragic or misguided vibe mixed with a dash of humor and impulsivity and we find it irresistible. And, if were being honest here, it can be addicting.

Maybe were attracted to danger because weve been binge-watching horror flicks since we were ten years old, so its seen as familiar. Maybe were intrigued by the rebel without a causeor without a clue. Or, maybe weve become numb to overlooking their cover-ups because theyre quick wit, good looks or adventurous side momentarily distract us from their flaws.

If unstable if so toxic, then why are we so attracted to it?

Even existing research purports certain personality traits (incentive-seeking, manipulative, narcissistic, selfish, disloyal) as having a negative impact on every significant domain in our personal livesfrom our academic achievements, to intimate relationships, to addictive behaviors. Similarly, research supports that those with higher proportions of these traits have upwards of 53% more partners, including increased incidences of emotional unavailability, infidelity and other unstable patterns. Yikes.

By now, youve probably heard the red flags of attracting or being attracted to toxic relationships: youre trying to fix them. You want to be saved. Youre the eternal optimist and want to see the good in people. Youre not looking for a serious thing. Or, you love a challenge.

People who need a hand up usually arent toxic. People who are looking for a hand outmaybe.

The thing is, we cant always tell someones motives right off the bat. They may play the hero card really well, or they may play the good guy/gal role flawlessly. They may come off as adorably clueless where we want to protect them, or care for them.

Its only when we start going with our gut instincts that we can begin noticing if something is off. Many times, our intuition is in effect before the red flags start waving. We feel deja vu hitting us like a Mack truck, and the been here, done this before feeling starts to consume us.

Do we listen to our intuition? Usually, no. At least not immediately. Worst case scenario is that we become so out of touch with our intuition, that we start second-guessing it. We deny it. We call bullshit on it. We chalk it up to chance. We convince ourselves we werent even attracted to that person, anyway.

Then..its off to the races with our next Great Mistake while none the wiser.

Enterthe cycle.

***

Most of us have a type that were naturally drawn to. It may be physical looks, wit or intelligence, or (enter your type here). Part of our type will usually include the pattern and cycle itself.

Our job is to look closer and to begin noticing the cycles and patterns.

For example, even if our S.O.s look physically different from one relationship to the next, we need to look for the subtleties.

Do they share similar personality traits? Is there a pattern of emotional unavailability?

Do our relationships tend to start out the same? Or end the same?

How many exes have we blocked or gone No Contact with? How many old social media profiles have we deleted with each failed relationship and then started new ones?

How many times did infidelity play a role?

Or boredom? Or devaluation?

you get the gist of it.

Youre Replaying Patterns From Your Past. Calling Dr.Freud Believe it or not, our childhood conditioning and earliest experiences plant the seed for how we engage in the world, how we see ourselves, and how we view our relationships.

What was experienced in childhood becomes the foundation for our lived adult experiences.

For example, pay attention to how your caregivers acted or treated you growing up. Was your mother only concerned about her own feelings? Was she chasing one relationship after another, or seemed to get depressed or violent if she was not in a relationship? Was an older brother or your dad emotionally dismissive of your needs or shamed you for having needs? What messages were you learning, whether intentionally taught or vicariously learned?

Most of us would probably agree that if toxic was being served as normal in childhood, that it would be the furthest thing from our mind in our adult relationships. Yet, here is where patterns of behavior cycles are taught, learnedand mastered.

Even if we consciously believe we would never get tangled up with what could bring us misery, unconsciously things often play out differently. Toxic situations will feel comfortable, because theyre familiar.

For example, if we were silenced in childhood, we may hold beliefs in adulthood that we arent worthy of being heard or that we hold no value. If our emotional needs went invalidated early in life, we may become emotionally distant or walk out of our adult relationships when feeling engulfed or vulnerable. We may shut down or push away. We may become angry or volatile when feeling emotionally threatened.

All signs of early trauma.

All signs of patterns repeating.

Childhood conditioning always affects our adult relationships in one form, or another.

From Childhood to Adult Relationships. On the flipside is to begin noticing how patterns play out from one partner to the next. This may not be as a-ha! at first glance because our defenses may immediately kick into gear where we deny that our relationship history has been unhealthy, that we played a role in it, or that our S.O.s have shared similar traits. After all, this can be like a sucker-punch to our Ego.

For example, if we had a caregiver in childhood who was never around, we may unconsciously attract partners who replay this toxic narrative. We may find ourselves with partners who ignore us or who are unable to give us our emotional needs, or who abandon the relationship altogether, thus triggering our past pain into present circumstance.

There is a valid reason this happens.

When weve experienced a traumatic situation (or situations) in our childhood, they will often play out in our adult relationships as reminders of what still needs tending to and healing. The more these patterns replay, the more of a call to action it becomes to take stock of our relationship choices, our habits and our partners influence.

The bottomline is if emotional pain was familiar in childhood, it becomes comfortable in adulthood.

This identifies the cycle.

Its the familiarity of the known which is seen as safe even if whats familiar is toxic to our growth and our happiness.

First, if youre starting to connect the dots, congratulate yourself. This is an epic step into self-empowerment. Yes, we become unconscious creatures of habit for good or bad.

But, once weve moved the unconscious into conscious awareness, we cant unsee the patterns.

And, thats actually a good thing.

If youre wanting positive change, acceptance becomes your best friend. Accept the patterns. Accept your role in them. Accept that maybe your childhood didnt offer you the healthiest of lifes lessons which have been carried with you into adulthood. Accept that if youre in a toxic situation, then you may be blamed for the other persons feelings, or their behavior. Accept that you cant change them, or their choices.

And, accept that youre responsible for youyour growth, and your happiness.

***

References

Gangestad, S. W., & Scheyd, G. J. (2005). The evolution of human physical attractiveness. Annual Review of Anthropology,34, 523548.

Gutirrez, F., et al.(2013). Fitness costs and benefits of personality disorder traits. Evolution and Human Behavior, 34(1), 4148.

Skodol, A. E., et al. (2007). Personality disorder and impaired functioning from adolescence to adulthood. The British Journal of Psychiatry,190, 415420.

This post was previously published on Medium.

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The Psychology Behind Toxic Attractions - The Good Men Project

In September 1997 Thailand became the first country in Asean to enact a freedom of information law. The Official Information Act (OIA), as it is known here, became a new benchmark for a free society as well as its openness and transparency. For the first time, the public had the right to access information, especially that previously held by the government.

Not many Thais at the time realised that only a democratic society with an accountable government would have such a law. The idea was initiated in the early 1990s by the government of former prime minister Anand Panyarachun, which was set up after the coup in 1992. As a former foreign minister and diplomat, he thought that the public should have access to records of Thai foreign policy after a certain period of time, say, 10 or 20 years. Later on, the idea blossomed and led to inclusion of the public's right to know in drafting the 1997 Constitution.

With the 1997 Constitution -- dubbed as the "People's Charter", there was a high sense of feeling that Thailand had now become a true liberal democracy with the public's right to know and access to government-held information. Indeed, 1997 was a watershed moment -- coinciding with the Tom Yum Gung financial crisis -- a fresh democracy coupled with the promotion of liberal values and human rights as one of Thailand foreign policy's tenets.

Subsequent charters have been imbued with provisions that guarantee governments must release public data to the people. The current 2018 charter, Article 41, item 1, too, states succinctly that a person or community has the right to be informed and also to access public data or information held by a government agency. In addition, Article 59 stipulates that the government shall disclose any public data or information in its possession, which is not related to national security or secrecy. Above all, the government must ensure the public can conveniently access such data or information.

In retrospect, the OIA has a very colorful history filled with government agencies using delay tactics and manipulation to keep public data from public.

Overall, the golden years of OIA were during the the first four years under former prime minister Chuan Leekpai. The public in general was extremely excited by the new discoveries of scandals, corruption and all sorts of misdemeanours hidden in the public data in the government's domain.

At the time, the Office of the OIA was under Khunying Supatra Masdit, a minister attached to the Office of the Prime Minister. She was very supportive and collaborative with the public, especially media and non-governmental communities to make use of the new information law. Some of the records kept by the government agencies including state-owned higher education were very revealing, as they added light to the true colours of prominent personalities in the country, including a prime minister and his ministers.

In 2001, Thaksin Shinawatra and his Thai Rak Thai Party won the election and subsequently he became prime minister. Thanks to the OIA, Prasong Lertrattanwisut, a well-known investigative journalist, was able to criss-cross intra-agency records and check through all his real financial transactions and found that he transferred some of his shares to his driver and cook. Under Thai law, all cabinet ministers must declare their financial situation. Thaksin's scandal became the "big fish" caught under the OIA.

As the information law entered its fifth year, public enthusiasm had somewhat subsided. Numerous cases were revealed though none involved such a high-level official. Some of the government-funded projects throughout the country were halted after local communities and stakeholders caught authorities and contractors red handed in cheating after following paper trials. Briefly, it was acclaimed as the era of empowerment of puu noi, or "small guys". Since then, the government agencies at the national and provincial levels have become more reluctant to release information.

It is notable that unlike other countries that have similar legislation especially in the West, most of the Thais using the information law were not journalists. State officials as well as people from the private sector also made use of this legislation. Thousands of requests zeroed in on personal disputes including how their bosses treated them behind closed doors in terms of their performance and promotion. Throughout the years, officials working in the Ministry of Education were the largest group of OIA users. There are at least 700,000 teachers under the purview of this ministry.

In the past decade, politicians -- fearful of being exposed, have made repeated attempts to tighten the OIA, making it harder for the public to access government-held information, particularly related to national security i.e. details of arms procurements. Since 2014 with the political turmoil focusing on political reforms involving all key institutions in the country, the current government has decided to place extra barriers on access to sensitive information never seen before.

The current government said the revised information law is a must as it will make it convenient for people to get public data from the government domain. At the same time, the government tightened measures to protect confidential information related to national security and the royal institution. In reality, the proposed amended OIA will certainly infringe on the public's right to know.

The new revised OIA, which is current being vetted by the cabinet, has been severely criticised by the media, civil society organisations and human rights activists as an attempt to gag the disclosure of public information, making a mockery of the government's claim of being clean and transparent. The revised law gives each agency broad arbitrary powers to decide whether and what type of information can be revealed with a specific timeframe (numbers of days).

In short, a local official can technically halt any public information disclosure, if the request, including those from foreigners, is deemed unnecessary or disruptive. The new revised version will empower official to use personal preliminary judgement as sufficient raison d'etre to stop the request of an individual to obtain public data. Such a practice will upend all the reputation boost of the country having a free and open society.

The new OIA puts restrictions on disclosure of any data and information that would do harm to national defence and security, anti-terrorism, intelligence, the royal institution and information related to its security protection as well as international relations with foreign countries and financial security. Furthermore, any court cases dealing with disputes over the disclosure of national security would be carried out in secret. Those who reveal the details of these cases could face a criminal charge with 10 years' imprisonment.

Under the current government, several items of legislation related to public participation, public assembly, the public's right to know and many others have been revised, making the country less liberal and less open. The original OIA was good enough as it was enshrined with good principles and intent. With a smart and efficient government together with good collaboration and assistance, the OIA would be able to help boost the country's anti-corruption and transparency campaign. There is no need to invent a new wheel for a well-run four-wheeled engine.

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Thailand tightens information law - Bangkok Post