Daily Archives: April 23, 2017

LARNED Emma Jean Bradley, the matriarch, the mother and the grandmother of the singing Bradleys ... but there is oh, so much more to this story. Born April 15, 1929 in Larned, and a resident of Larned for all of her 88 years, Emma Jean and her husband Roger raised 13 children plus several grandchildren. Each of their children graduated from Larned High School, a notable feat for a family this large. Both Damon and Pam were recipients of the Jordaan Scholarship. Two of the boys, Damon and Chris, are ministers. Damons wife is also a minister. Sometimes its hard to believe that five of our kids are in their 60s since to me they are still the kids. Clayton, the firstborn, died at the age of 37. He was born in Great Bend. The rest of the children were born in Larned because St. Joseph Hospital was then a reality. Regina was the second child, then Jokathan, Angela, Patricia, Phillip, Becky, Mark, Damon, Pam, Jay, Chris, and Amy. Did I miss anyone? she asked. I knew there were 12 living, and no, she didnt forget any one. Patricia, who is now 62 years old, was born with a disability and has never talked nor walked. Patricia lives at home. Emma Jean and her family have been the major caregivers over the years and Emma acknowledges that Patricia has enriched all of their lives. Shes been a blessing. Ive learned a lot of lessons because of her. I have especially learned patience, and tolerance for people being different Emma added, All our children have been a blessing, including Patricia. The kids learned from her too; helping feed her, and caring for her needs. Tricias room has always been a playroom and gathering place! Faith is important to me, and Patricia made it real, she explained. She had seizures often; sometimes they lasted all day long. It was frightening. Dr. Coughlin advised that perhaps she would grow out of them. And in part, she did. At about 12 years on, she ceased from such severe seizures. We were a large family, but each of the children learned to do chores and help with each other. Roger taught the kids a good work ethic. Many were involved in the raising of our children and you know, It takes a village! She quit school her Freshman year of high school, stating that one of the reasons was that she was the only black child in her age group. She then did domestic housework. She left Larned for a time to live in Denver to baby-sit her sisters children. It was World War II, and her sister worked at the Kaiser factory, a war and ammunition plant. She returned to Larned and married Roger after he came back from the war, as many did during that time. And, at the urging of her kids, mom went back to school at the age of 51 and earned her General Education Curriculum (GED) diploma. Asking her about Larned in those days, I brought up the subject of racial prejudice. In those days, prejudice was more subtle than today, she observed. But, as she related her experiences and the way the society worked, there didnt seem (to this writer) to be subtlety. Blacks were not allowed to try on clothes in stores, nor to try on hats. The clerk customarily tried on the hat for the customer. The black citizenry was not allowed to swim in the city pool except once a season, and then it was drained and refilled after use. Eating establishments gave access to orders by way of a back door or window since entering and eating inside was not permitted for the black community. At the age of 17, Emma gave her heart to Jesus Christ during a time when she knew she could no longer depend on her own efforts; she needed the Lord. This relationship was paramount in her life, and her faith would be an influence and a guide to her children in the years to come. Emma had always been musical, and during one era, she and Edith Haun would sing duets together during church exchanges. Music and singing were a big part of their family life. When the three oldest girls were in their teens, one day while they were sitting on the front porch, they began to sing and harmonize to Peace Be Still by James Cleveland. Emma was sitting in the living room and she perked up her ears. They were good! She suggested that they start a chorus in the church, and, joined by musical friends of the girls, thats exactly what happened. The Singing Bradleys were born! Today, the group performs whenever they can get together, and when they do, they inspire. During the week of Thanksgiving, the group comes home and traditionally gives a performance for the public several days after the holiday at the CME Church in Larned. Jo is the soloist, and the family nickname for her is the songbird. Not only grandchildren, but also great-grandchildren have joined the group. Their songs of faith and performances stir the soul. And until just the past several years, Emma Jean has sung with them. They rock! When asked about her work experiences, Emma alluded to her years working at the old St. Joseph Hospital. Sister Magdalene originally hired her, and it was there that she began her 30 years of employment at this hospital. Emma Jean explained, I worked for 30 years, on and off, at St. Joseph hospital. I started out doing a little bit of everything. She worked in supply, she helped in cleaning, and also ended up helping out in the OB and Surgery areas, and in most every other facet of the hospitals daily demands. She then moved to the 2nd floor as a nurses aide until the newly hired nursing director decided that she would be a good ward clerk, keeping supplies ordered, transcribing for doctors orders, and making out requisitions for the medical needs. The hospital next decided that Emma Jean would be a good fit in the then Alcohol and Chemical Dependency unit. The hospital sent her to a training session in Salina and, upon return, Emma Jean worked in the Chemical Dependency unit. After returning from the training sessions, they lost their son Clayton. She remarked that the training that she received in Salina was deeply helpful to her dealing with her grief from her sons death. She worked in the CD unit for 10 years until her retirement in 1992. She was involved in family weeks, as a receptionist, involved in intake, and was responsible for a teaching lecture to the patients. When asked when she retired, Emma Jean replied, Gosh its been so long ago! I retired in 1992. Roger was sick and he needed my care. He passed away in 1998. As to her years of parenting, Emma added, Our children have never given us any trouble. They have been good kids. I do remember just one event though when Angie was in high school. I dropped her off at the school, and coach Geier (Mel) was behind me in his car. Several hours later I got a call from Coach, asking me,Didnt I see you drop Angie off at school? I replied yes, and he said, Well, shes not in school today. Immediately, Emma and Roger decided that they knew where Angie was, and which girlfriends she was with, and they went to Hutchinson (where they went to play hooky) and knew exactly where to look for her. That was the first and last time that Angie tried that, and Emma Jean laughed while recalling the event. Yes, it takes a village. When asked what message would she give as her guide in life, she replied, I have tried to live by the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And thats exactly what she has done.

Judi Tabler is a guest columnist for the Great Bend Tribune and her views dont necessarily reflect those of the paper. She can be reached at bluegrasses@gmail.com.

Excerpt from:

Emma Jean Bradley lives by the Golden Rule - Great Bend Tribune

Most people would not consider themselves biased. But a new book says that nearly everyone has unconscious biases and they affect how we interact with others, with real consequences. Filter Shift: How Effective People See the World by Sara Taylor notes that one can learn to manage these biases, or filters, by being mindful that they are there and then working on ways to address them.

Critical to the process is the Platinum Rule, which is learning to treat people how they not you would like to be treated, because what works for you may not work for others. Taylor recently shared insights from her book on the Knowledge@Wharton show, which is part of Wharton Business Radio that airs on SiriusXM channel 111. (Listen to the podcast at the top of this page.)

An edited transcript of the conversation follows.

Knowledge@Wharton: When you talk of filter shift, what exactly do you mean?

Sara Taylor: This is about how our unconscious [biases] dictate how were seeing our interactions. What we need to [recognize] are the filters operating in our unconscious, and eventually [learn] to shift those filters in order to be more effective.

Knowledge@Wharton: How many people realize they probably have this problem and are able to manage it? You say that to navigate through this problem one could learn along the way.

Taylor: With one of the cultural competence models that we use, we see that between 95% and 99% of us dont realize that we have a problem. Thats the number of folks that have a significant gap between where they think they are versus where they actually are in their [level of] competence in interacting [with other types of people].

What does that mean? If I think that Im Wonder Woman when it comes to having interactions with folks that are different from me, in reality, I dont have that skill. That means Ive got some huge blind spots, and it might also mean that Im unintentionally offending others. None of us wants to unintentionally offend others. So, learning how to filter-shift helps us to become more intentional, and match our impact with that good intent.

Between 95% and 99% of us dont realize that we have a problem.

Knowledge@Wharton: Theres an interesting example in the book involving [a meeting between former Iraqi leader] Saddam Hussein and [former New Mexico governor] Bill Richardson, and how subtle some of these slights could be

Taylor: The key learning in that story is, weve got all kinds of great mantras and philosophies that we all live by. But we dont realize that many times, those mantras perpetuate this ineffectiveness. The one that we talked about with that particular story is the mantra of the Golden Rule: We should treat others as we want to be treated. That is a reflection of one of the ineffective [phases along the] five stages of development.

Why is that ineffective? Because its based on just this teeny, tiny assumption that the whole universe wants to be treated the way I want to be treated. Thats not the case. Weve got to learn how to treat others as they want to be treated, which is the Platinum Rule.

Knowledge@Wharton: Richardson was sitting at the table, getting ready to meet with Saddam Hussein, and he had his knee crossed over his other leg. That allowed the bottom of his shoe to be seen, which is a big insult in Iraqi culture.

Taylor: Bill Richardson is a very competent, very successful and very effective person. He even had three staff people helping him prepare for that meeting for three months. Yet, it was still over in less than a minute, because it was incredibly offensive, the way he was showing the sole of his shoe.

That would be the equivalent of Saddam Hussein sending a diplomatic emissary to President Clinton, and that diplomatic emissary sitting down in the Oval Office would be flipping off President Clinton. (While Saddam Hussein abruptly left the room, he returned a while later to the meeting, as Richardson noted in a 1996 interview in Fortune magazine.)

The learning there is that we cant know what every gesture [means]. But, Bill Richardson [could have prepared] from the perspective of Saddams filters how does Saddam look at this meeting? [Instead,] what he did to approach it was to say, What would I want if I were in Saddams shoes? Thats the Golden Rule, and thats what tripped him up.

[Richardson] thought, If I were in Saddams shoes, I wouldnt want the big powerhouse of the world, the United States, coming in and being all uppity and formal with me. Id want them to be informal. Thats why he went into that meeting, sat down, leaned back, crossed his legs, and up went the sole of his shoe.

Knowledge@Wharton: That could similarly play out in boardrooms or negotiation tables and have a negative effect.

Taylor: Thats right. The reality is, lots of us arent in situations like that, with a dictator who can just get up and leave a meeting because theyre upset. For the rest of us, we may be in meetings or in other interactions, and we might get a sense afterward that, Hmm, I dont know that that went very well. We dont have the [other] person telling us [what was amiss]. We dont have the person getting up and leaving. So, we dont have those cues from others everyday that were not being our most effective [selves].

Knowledge@Wharton: The word see is important to this process. The letters in the word stand for See, Explain, and Evaluate.

Taylor: Thats right. When we observe anything, or when were in an interaction, all kinds of thoughts come to our mind: I think hes this, I think hes that; I thought this about what he said. What we dont realize is, the vast majority of those thoughts are coming from our unconscious. Thats the Explain and Evaluate.

My unconscious takes what I see, whats objective, and then its job is, Ive got to pass up an explanation to that conscious mind. Heres how Im going to explain what I think I see. The unconscious goes even further. It says, Now Ive got to place a judgment on it. Heres the judgment of what I think I see.

Learning how to filter and shift helps us to become more intentional, and match our impact with that good intent.

Those filters are operating, doing all this in my unconscious, but those filters are created by my past experiences. In my interaction with you, my brain is giving me all kinds of explanations and judgments about you. But I have no idea if what my filters are telling me matches what your filters are telling you.

Youve got it coming from the other side [as well]. Your filters are telling you all kinds of things about me. And then we can get into a misunderstanding. What we dont realize when were in those misunderstandings is, many times those are filter fights.

Knowledge@Wharton: How often are some of those situations just misunderstandings?

Taylor: I think its the vast majority of the time. Ive asked this question to probably tens of thousands of people folks in the audience during my presentations, and I see head-nods in agreement Do you think the vast majority of us enter the workplace every day with positive intent?

If we all are entering the workforce and want to have positive relationships, we want to contribute, and weve got that positive intent, then why do we have misunderstandings? The reason we have misunderstandings is because we arent able to match that positive intent with an equally positive impact.

When it gets down to it, what is it that really matters? I could have the best of intentions. Lets say Im presenting, and Ive got my stiletto heels on, which I never do when I present. I accidentally step on someones foot, in the front row with my stilettos. Their reaction is going to be a scream, probably, right?

Im going to say, Oh my gosh! I didnt mean to hurt you! Im so sorry. Now, whats going to actually determine whether that person was hurt or not? Is it going to be the scream, or my Oh my gosh, I didnt mean to? We know its the impact that decides.

Going back to our interactions, its our impact on others that decides our effectiveness, not our intent. I can have the best of intentions, and then I get into a misunderstanding with someone, and then [conclude that] it must be their fault [or] they were disrespectful. I dont say, Wait a second. How is my unconscious really controlling that situation? How did that determine how I interacted? What do I need to do to have a better impact the next go-around?

Knowledge@Wharton: You mention that a lot of times this happens because people arent taught to be able to deal with and understand others. Why do you think thats the case? And how are you able to handle that?

Taylor: Exactly. Why arent we taught? I would say that the reason why most of us arent taught this competence is because we believe a number of myths.

One is we believe that just being comfortable with differences means that Im going to be competent. Think about it, in what other areas does comfort equal competence? I am completely comfortable holding my high school clarinet that I used to play. But you do not want to hear me try to play it. I am nowhere near competent.

The other myth is, Im exposed to all kinds of differences. Ive got differences all around me. My best friend is gay. My next-door neighbor is black. My mom has lived with a disability all of her life. I get this stuff. But in what other area would we say that exposure equals competence? If that were the case, we wouldnt need schools. Wed just have, say, a math guru, and everybody would send their kids to be exposed to the math guru for an hour, and theyre going to know math. We know that thats not true in [cases where skills are a competence to be learned].

The reality is that we just dont see [bias shifting] as a competence [that needs to be developed]. But we need to start seeing it that way.

Knowledge@Wharton: You also talk about how some things seem so obvious to some people. Yet, we have problems believing that it could be that easy.

Taylor: What we sometimes do is [point out] something that is obvious an obvious difference, in particular. But we [may be] uncomfortable talking about it.

[This is something that happens] all the time, with my husband and me. Im a white woman. My husband is a black man. There are times when were in all-white groups, except for my husband. Somebody will say, Sara, which ones your husband? If Ive got the one black guy in a sea of white folks, wouldnt it be obvious to just say as Im trying to point him out the black guy?

Weve got to learn how to treat others as they want to be treated, which is the Platinum Rule.

But, many times, folks just feel very uncomfortable with that, because we [get many social] messages that we shouldnt talk about those differences. So, lots of times, when I say that, Ill get very uncomfortable responses. Particularly, what I get most is a nervous laughter. I know what theyre thinking: Oh my gosh, Sara just said black. She called her husband that. She doesnt even know that shes not supposed to say that.

There, its our unconscious telling us, Oh, thats a topic you should avoid. But then, what happens if were avoiding those topics when do we get into them? If were uncomfortable talking about differences, especially the easy-to-see differences, then how are we ever going to be comfortable in our workplace, interacting with those differences? And also, talking about the differences that are even more difficult to see?

Knowledge@Wharton: Do you feel we can effect change in these areas with more understanding relationships in our personal lives, and hopefully that will carry over into our business life, where some of these issues apply as well?

Taylor: Yes, I hear that all the time. I work with people, mainly in the workplace. What I hear from them is, Oh my gosh, you just solved an issue that Ive been struggling with for 20 years with my husband. Or, I just want to bring my wife in, or, I just want to bring my partner in, my kids in, so they can hear this. So, yes, it definitely plays out both at home and at work.

The second piece is that this is something that can be developed. There are some people who might naturally be nicer people. There are some people who are naturally more extroverted, versus introverted. Thats not what were talking about. Were talking about a competence that we can develop.

To that point, let me see if you can guess we plot this out the five stages of development. Theyre progressive; you have to move through them to get to the most developed stage. In the most developed stage, we can see the full complexity of differences that are around us, and we can respond to them effectively. So, whats your guess? How many of us, do you think, operate in that stage?

Knowledge@Wharton: Im not sure what the percentage is, but I would say its got to be way up there.

Taylor: Thats what most of us think. But guess what? I dont mean to be a Debbie Downer here, but its only 2.5%. Only 2.5% are operating in the highest stage of effectiveness, where we can see the full complexity [of someone else], and respond to it. The good news is we can develop this competence.

Knowledge@Wharton: What do you think is the best way to try to do that? That seems like it would be a large task to undertake.

Taylor: The good news is, it isnt. It used to be, though. To get folks to that last stage, it takes about 40 hours of intentional development work. During that work, we show people all kinds of differences, from all kinds of different groups. Eventually, what will happen is, youll develop [that competence].

We did that for years, and what I started to see is that the process did work, and people developed to that last stage. But, as we did it, I started to hear and see patterns of people making these shift points. And so, I said, what if we just taught those shift points? At the time, I called them key developmental shifts, or things that you needed in order to develop [these skills.]

There are six of those. I started to teach just those key developmental shifts. With that, we were able to bring the 40-hour process down to nine hours. Thats the process we talk about in Filter Shift. It starts with myself, understanding my own filters, then understanding the filters of others, and finally, understanding how I shift my filters to approach a situation more effectively.

Originally posted here:

How Unconscious Biases Block Effective Interactions - Knowledge@Wharton