Beach buddies: Julian Assange and Pamela Anderson. Composite: Getty Images\/Guardian Design<\/p>\n
What is the sexiest quality in a man?asks Pamela Anderson in a blog which starts like a 90s fragrance advert, but which you know will end in the conclusion that there is nothing hotter than skipping bail over rape allegations. <\/p>\n
Without getting overly Brut Aquatonic about it all, the essence of man isapparently distilled in Pamelas gentleman friend Julian Assange, to whom the erstwhile Baywatch star is increasingly moved to write or quote poetry. This weeks post was no exception, addressing Assange directly with William Ernest Henleys stiff-upper-lip anthem Invictus, and ending with the words I love you. But before we got to that, there was a digression which took in sex appeal, Pamelas sexy new Saint-Tropez vegan restaurant, and the offer to Emmanuel Macron of a bilateral summit. <\/p>\n
First, lets talk about sex appeal. Surely the sexiest qualities in a man are bravery and courage, explains Pamela. Sexiness in a man is showing strength. For whatever reason, Diesel has yet to set one of its Only the Brave mens fragrance adverts in an embassy hidey-hole, where the protagonist is shown skewing elections to a dubstep soundtrack. Maybe Diesel feels thats more of aDiorHomme look. <\/p>\n
Either way, Pamela encourages youto think a lot harder about what sexual allure is. And unless you are totally frigid, you need to understand that it ends in a Trump White House. As the former Dancing on Ice contestant puts it: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is no more. The Obama administration is gone. Julian won, and we allbenefited from this. He took on the Leviathan and won. That is sexy. <\/p>\n
Mmm. Lost in Showbiz always feels that these sexier-than-thou takes risk making those who spout them a hostage to fortune. It cant help but recall a similar line being taken by Anne Hathaway, who once declared: One ofthe most untouted aphrodisiacs in the world is charity work. Seriously, you want a girl to be impressed, vaccinate some kids, build a house. This was a reference to Annes chap at the time, with whom she lived in a Trump Tower apartment where one wardrobe contained monsignor robes, which she declined to treat as an alarmbell. Her subsequently jailed fiance told her he was the chief financial officer of the Vatican, yet heturned out how to put this sparsely? not to be. <\/p>\n
And so too with Julian, whose invaluable sexywork in getting Donald Trump elected may yet turn out to be not the universal win for humankind it currently appears. But, you know, its still early days. Even so, Pamela does offer the Assange camps most explicit quid pro quo reference yet, stating pointedly: President Trump, who benefited from WikiLeaks publication, has not stood up for Julians freedom to publish. Not sexy. Unsexy.Bad! <\/p>\n
As for other world leaders, the one on whom she appears to be pinning her most concerted hopes is Emmanuel Macron. Addressing the new French president directly, the Baywatch star says: As a resident of France, my adopted home, I would like to meet with you and discuss Julians situation. I am opening a new vegan restaurant inFrance in July, and I would like to extend my invitation to the new president and his first lady. Join me on the day I open the doors, and we will sit and eat good food and discuss what can be done for Julian. France could display its strength, and so could you, if you give Julian asylum. My feeling isthat Macron would need to see the la carte options as well as the set menu before he commits, but no doubttime will show. <\/p>\n
For Theresa May, alas, there is not so much as the offer of an amuse-bouche. Britains beleaguered prime minister isdismissed as someone who kept him imprisoned for five years now. Assuming he was a Baywatch fan, though, things are looking much better for the Labour partys leader. I am reaching out to Jeremy Corbyn, announces Pamela, who could and should be the next prime minister. Then what? Corbyn should give Assange safe passage and compensation. Compensation for skipping bail sounds like a fun policy toscale but theres more. When you come to power, she warns the Labour leader, you must rehabilitate the UKs reputation in Latin America! <\/p>\n
If all that fails, Pamela has another iron in the fire. I will write a love letter to China I am sure China can be a symbol of peace and strength in the world. To everyone else, she has stark instructions: Stop escalating cyberwars. Stop geopolitical sabre-rattling. Stop interfering in elections. Stop torturing animals and eating them. Stop writing speeches on goatskin. Letting Julian gofree would change everything. <\/p>\n
So there you go. It couldnt be simpler. How much longer is the social scene going to be denied the liberation of this most 21st-century of It-couples? <\/p>\n
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