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TheFast & Furiousmovies are ridiculousness incarnatethe artistic expression of that weird noise your dishwasher makes when a fork gets caught between the grates. Yet strangely, they just work. The physics-defying stunts, the over-the-top lunacy, the complete disregard for coherence and the tried-and-true emphasis on family. It all just somehow clicks together. Thats why its such a monumental letdown that the coronavirus forced F9to abandon its planned May release until April 2021.

The delay gives us roughly 12 months to ponder the future of the franchise and a total of 20 months between series releases when accounting for Augusts Hobbs & Shaw. I dont know about you, but thats too damn long without any fresh Fast & Furiousin my life. So in lieu of the blockbusters we were promised, here is my completely logical plan for the future of the franchise that I definitely have not been thinking about non-stop for the last two years.

SEE ALSO: Mission: Impossible Director Brian De Palma Had Zero Interest in Making Sequels

Here is the official plot synopsis forF9from Universal:

Vin Diesels Dom Toretto is leading a quiet life off the grid with Letty and his son, little Brian, but they know that danger always lurks just over their peaceful horizon. This time, that threat will force Dom to confront the sins of his past if hes going to save those he loves most. His crew joins together to stop a world-shattering plot led by the most skilled assassin and high-performance driver theyve ever encountered: a man who also happens to be Doms forsaken brother, Jakob (John Cena).

Thats not a whole lot to go on. But we do know that Jakob is working withThe Fate of the Furiouscyber terrorist villain Cipher (Charlize Theron). Thanks to the trailer, we also know that Han (Sung Kang) is somehow alive after seemingly being killed by Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) inTokyo Drift. How? Fuck you, this is Fast & Furious, thats how!

InHobbs & Shaw, an unknown villain that uses a computerized voice to communicate leads the terrorist organization Eteon, which specializes in transhumanism. This mysterious mastermind enhances Brixton Lore (Idris Elba) through cybernetics, suggesting advanced bioengineering and technological capabilities. Thats not how Han survivedJakob rescued him and held him hostage to extract information about Dom and his crew, obviouslybut it will come into play later.

And finally, its a safe betat some pointthat one or more members of Doms team will drive in space, given the conspicuous placement of a rocket-powered car in the F9 trailer. Beating theMission: Impossible franchise to that particular punch is a badge of honor.

Thats what we know so far about info teased relating to F9. In our version of the Fastfranchise,F9reveals that, unbeknownst to them, Jakob and Cipher have been serving under this anonymous puppet master for years. Whats more, there are clues indicating that this antagonist has ties to the Diplomatic Security Service, where Dwayne Johnsons Hobbs used to work. Boom, nowFast & Furioushas its own Thanos-lite Big Bad to contend with, though his identity remains unknown.

Fast & Furious 10was meant to arrive on April 1, 2021, but withF9moving into that slot thanks to the COVID-19 lockdown, Universal is going to be forced to delay. In the interim, the studio can pivot to a sequel to the franchises first successful spinoff.

This time around, Hobbs & Shaw have been tasked with investigating the destruction of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the worlds largest and highest-energy particle collider and the largest machine in the world, currently built beneath the France-Switzerland border near Geneva. (We know the Hobbs & Shaw post-credits scenes teased a deadly virus, but that just feels yucky after COVID-19.) What concerns authorities more than the supercolliders destruction is what wasntfound in the rubble: central working components of the machine. This technology is used to explore quantum mechanics, general relativity and the deep structures of space and time. In the wrong hands, it poses a global threat.

Naturally, Eteon is behind it all (and no, Ryan Reynolds Locke is not the secret bad guy). To retrieve the stolen materials, Hobbs and Shaw must pull off a daring raid on the organizations secret compound. But instead of finding missing machine parts, they come acrossprepare for our first Holy shit! momentGisele Yashar (Gal Gadot), the love of Hans life who was seemingly killed off in Fast & Furious 6.Shes unconscious, hooked up to a host of medical machines, but very much alive.

Brixton wasnt Eteons only cybernetic human test subject, after all. Dun, dun, dunnnn.

Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham were not going to appear inF9 thanks toHobbs & Shaw. Assuming Universal doesnt use the 11-month delay to add them into the film, Fast & Furious 10will take on added importance as a reunion of sorts. You can practically hear the box office banknotes rolling in.

Here, our characters are puzzling over Giseles survival, reintegrating her back into the crew (she and Han navigate a V-12 engines worth of sexual tension, obviously) and still searching for Eteon and their supercollider. All of a sudden, a mortally wounded Ciphernot seen since escaping in F9turns up at HQ with a warning. You must stop him, she says as she slips Dom a flash drive before dying. One of their most hated rivals using her last breath to help them? Shit must be getting real.

The flash drive contains detailed files on what Eteon is planning with their supercollidera tear in the space-time continuum that enables time travel, because why the hell not at this point?!The plans also reveal the last piece Eteon needs to complete it which sends our heroes on a mission to intercept them.

A massive battle breaks out immediately upon their arrival. Every rule of physics that can be broken on screen isbroken. Everything that can be on fire ison fire. Every bicep comparison between main characters that can be made is made. You know, normalFast & Furiousstuff.

When the dust settles, Roman (Tyrese Gibson) isheld at gunpoint bywait for itKeanu Reeves! Reeves character is revealed to be the mastermind behind Eteon andHobbs childhood friend/former partner who was believed to be killed on their first mission together. (Hobbs, of course, still blames himself to this day.) He murders Roman (sorry, Tyrese, but we needsome emotional fallout) and escapes, leaving our heroes distraught and defeated.

That brings us to

Reeves bad guyintent on ruining Dom, Hobbs and the whole crew before taking over the worldflings himself to the future in order to kill the adult versions of Doms son Brian and Hobbs daughter Sam, who are totally married and also happen to be badass super spies themselves. Han and Giseles kid is their guy in the chair tech expert too. What is the Fast & Furiousfranchise if not a soap opera soaked in diesel fuel?

Adult Brian is played by Shia LaBeouf, adult Sam is played by Keke Palmer, and Han and Giseles kid is played by Steven Yeun. LaBeouf will win his first Oscar for the role.

So our crew follows Reeves villain into the future where they pair up with the now-grown versions of their own children in an X-Men: Days of Future Past-esque set-up that doubles as the conclusion to the current iteration of theFastseries and a bridge to the new spinoff franchise Universal has been planning this entire time.

MIND = BLOWN.

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How the Fast & Furious Movies Should End (and Live on Forever) - Observer