A few years ago I started getting depressed, losing muscle, gaining fat, getting injured easier, losing my sex drive and losing motivation at work. In short, my life was falling down around me for, apparently, no reason. I wondered What the hell is wrong with me! and when I couldnt take it anymore I went to see a doctor. The general family doctor was convinced it was depression and wanted to put me on antidepressants. Having never been the depressed type, I was convinced otherwise. I researched my symptoms online and discovered that they all matched that of low testosterone. I went back to the doctor for tests and indeed my testosterone levels were that of a 65 year old man. I was 31 at the time. He referred me to an endocrinologist who ran more tests.

These further tests revealed that my testes / testicles were fine, and an MRI revealed that my pituitary was fine. Apparently the third cog in that HPTA (Hypothalamus, Pituitary, Testicular Axis) was not producing the two hormones (LSH / FSH) that would instruct the pituitary to create the hormone (GnRH), which would would instruct the testes to create the hormone testosterone in adequate levels for someone of my age.

Why my hypothalamus decided to stop working full time, Ill never know. But I do know that within days of starting testosterone replacement therapy treatment all of my problems began to disappear. It was like magic.

However well it worked for me, I always try to remember that HRT for men has its own set of problems. Among them are an increased risk of prostate cancer and heart disease. More importantly, I dont like the idea of being dependent on a drug for my manhood. It bothers me. I think this is something a lot of male HRT / TRT patients experience, but I cant be sure since I dont really know any others personally. Maybe Ill meet some after starting this website

Another thing that scares me is that one day I wont be able to get my prescription filled for one reason or another. Maybe it will be for lack of health insurance (I live in the US and Im sure youve heard about our insurance woes here), or maybe every doctor in my area will be afraid of the boogeyman steroids because theyve watched too many after-school dramas and ESPN scandals. This dependance bothers me more than anything, because I know Ill lapse into severe depression, fat gain, lethargy, and generally just be miserable if Im not taking my testosterone.

Heres something else that troubles me: My testes are fine or they were, at least. But when you introduce external sources of testosterone into the male body all natural production ceases completely as the body seeks to reach homeostasis. In the process the testes stop working, and this is why bodybuilders have grapenuts so to speak. I have secondary hypogonadism. But the treatment for this is the same as primary hypogonadism. The treatment, testosterone replacement therapy, CAUSES primary hypogonadism in men with secondary hypogonadism. Are you telling me there arent any treatments for low FSH/LH without having to mess around with other parts of my HTPA?

Dont worry if you dont know what the hell Im talking about you soon will. Just keep reading my blog and all will be revealed. Im sort of a research junkie when it comes to what Im putting in my body.

Soooo, the longer Im on this stuff, the less chance I have of recovering. But I spent three years miserable, tired, angry, depressed, with a deteriorating body before finally going on HRT, which practically got rid of all of my syptoms overnight. Ive felt like a million bucks ever since. So the idea of going back to low testosterone scares the sh*t out of me.

On the other hand, I could stay on HRT for the rest of my life, which if I live to be of average age would be even long than Ive been alive so far. Thats a long time for someone to be on HRT, and at that point I wonder what the risks would be. Has it even been studied for such a long period of time? The good news is Id have the testosterone of a 35 year old into my 60s, which would be pretty sweet if my wife doesnt get too fat (just kidding sort of). Of course, that doesnt do me much good if Im dying of prostate cancer or have a heart attack.

So this is my journey and judging by how many patients my endo says he sees everyday, I am sure Im not alone. Call it a blog, an information resource, a support center, a launching pad, whatever But Im glad you stopped by, and if youre on HRT or thinking about going on HRT I hope this site can provide some value.

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