Im a 50 year old woman just diagnosed with ADHD. I took my first dose of Adderall today and it was a nightmare. I recently found a therapist to address PTSD caused by childhood medical trauma. Ive suffered multiple traumatic experiences during medical care. Plus 45 years of awful experiences with almost every doctor. So I suffer from intense claustrophobia, fear of being restrained, fear of anything over my face. Just about anything related to medical care triggers intense fear and extreme fight or flight response. In this freaky f-ed up COVID world, I melted down and feared I could snap and murder anyone who tried to get me to wear a mask. I found a therapist who started pushing the idea that I needed antidepressants. I said no way, I was open to as needed anti-anxiety meds but could never take anything regularly. Because no matter how hard I try or how many reminder strategies I try to use, I am 100% certain I will miss dosages at least 50% of the time. And I dont need anything else in my life to make me feel like a failure. I was shocked when she told me she saw many flags that I had ADHD. After evaluation and lots of education, I totally see it! And I see Ive struggled with it my whole life always thinking why cant I get my act together

She referred me too a psychologist for med management for PTSD and ADHD. I saw her yesterday. Fortunately, she listened to all my concerns and agreed that anti depressants were not for me. She said if I treat the ADHD, it would allow me more control to dismiss my obsessive thoughts, reduce my anxiety end allow me more success with all the relaxation strategies I have attempted but failed to follow thru. Then I could more easily address therapy for the PTSD. So around 8, I took my first dose of time release Adderall (generic Mfr Par Pharm), I was prepared to feel strange, jitters, racing heart etc. And expected stomach upset just like every OTC med, supplement, etc. I had asked if I was safe to drive and she said I should be more alert and focused. I took it with food, waited about an hour and felt a bit of medicine head, but thought no big deal. So I headed out to vote and run a few errands.

It hit me in the car no idea how to get to my regular voting place, panic, brief flashes of suicidal thoughts, nausea, and think I sat for awhile at a green light unaware of my surroundings. I finally found the building, made it inside, and the scary looking, masked guard asked if I had a mask. I said no and I cant wear one. He simply said third-floor, sorry I had to ask about the mask. I instantly felt faint and started to feel myself collapse. Luckily there was a chair behind me. After some time breathing and reassurance from the guard who knew all about PTSD and said hed never make me wear a mask, I survived voting. I got back in the car and felt extremely drowsy and afraid. So I stopped at CVS to ask the pharmacist if this was normal. She thought my side effects were unusual, but nothing was dangerous and I needed to give it 2-3 days for my body to get used to the new feelings. But if I continued to feel drowsy, I should call my doctor Monday. I felt reassured and went on my way . When I got in the store, I realised I was not where I had planned to go and I just sat down and stared into space, seeming to have no thoughts at allno higher reasoning ability. It never occurred to me that I shouldnt be driving. All I wanted to do was sleep, so eventually I went back to my car to go home. While driving, I suddenly felt my entire body go limp, my hands slipped off the steering wheel like deadweights and I didnt care at all. I thought I might crash and diethats nice. I felt very calm, peaceful and almost euphoric and didnt care what happened. Miraculously, I made it home intending to go to sleep, but called a friend to report my new meds were not good. She said my speech was very slow and I sounded drunk. Its foggy, but I dont think I slept. I got up and read more on this site, told myself Im OK and made lunch. I noticed and stopped myself as I impulsively jumped from one cooking task to another without completing the first. I thought OK, I see that this is working. A little later, I found myself outside wondering how I got there and why the front door was open. I couldnt remember that I must have walked outside to pick up FedEx delivery. This was way more extreme than my usual what did Ill come out here for? episodes. I then tried to read something and didnt seem to recognize what that printed stuff on the page was and I definitely couldnt read. The whole morning cycle repeated again. Panic, Suicidal flashes I looked at the time hoping the meds were wearing off . It was about 4, but I didnt know how to do math to figure out how many hours since starting. Then the sudden limp body, and euphoric feeling and I though how nice it would be to have a gun because I would have no fear of shooting myself in the head and that would be nice. I thought ,this is freaky and called my friend again who kept me on the phone for about an hour until I sounded normal again.

So no more Adderall! Ill call the doc Monday. I dont want to give up on my hopes of an improved life, but Im really freaked out and afraid of trying again. Ive always been very sensitive to any kind of medication and been told thats common for fair skinned red heads. Im cautious with OTC meds and usually start with half the recommended dose just to be sure I dont react badly. It was the lowest dose available to start, but in hindsight, I would have listened to my gut and started with half dose. Also if I try again, I think should avoid time release. And Ill be sure I dont need to leave the house and that someone is available to monitor me. Any thoughts?

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Adderal disaster First time ever on ADHD med ADDitude - ADDitude