I dont know when it began, but happened gradually as the first fall quarter unfolded. First, I began by picking up little pieces that people left behind. Pipette tips from the post doc as he hurried from one end of the corridor to another; colourful tablets left by the nurse as she headed for a quick lunch at the Moffit; the latest line of the new R01 the new assistant professor was writing. Just little things that were on peoples minds as they bustled about their day.
Dont pick them up, I was told, they will get grimy in your hands. But I did anyway. Little bits and pieces from peoples days, kept in a box tucked away only for me to enjoy. They started to fade over time, but it was fine as long as I could recognize it.
Soon, I started to progress to bigger things. Things from lunch conversations and the latest gossip between labs. Did you hear? JJ Lee just published another paper! Aries Mandy just won her first grant despite passing her quals a month ago. These pieces that fell from conversations were much more substantial. I kept them too. They held up slightly better than the little bits I used to collect. The box became too small to hold them. I started to piece these things together on my shelf.
However, these pieces didnt always fit together nicely. How good are these high achievers? Where did they come from and what else have they accomplished? Without these questions answered, I didnt have the glue.
I hopped on the internet and began to search. And search and search, until I found the connections I needed. LinkedIn, ResearchGate, Google Scholar, yes, even Facebook and Twitter.Not just fragments of conversations, but now whole stories, webpages even. Pictures of cake and champagne on Facebook for a job well done.
A new tweet on the latest publication. A smug new paper that boosted a ResearchGate score by 3 points. The rest of the connections I didnt have, I realized I could start producing my own glue too to fill in the gaps. The finer details, I personally molded by hand.
My little sculpture migrated to my table, sitting ominously on it like an altar. The perfect graduate student had been made. The aspiration I bowed down to every time I used my laptop. Then, I looked at the mirror, and realized I was nothing like it. Those perfect hands that pipetted everything accurately and coded everything with scary efficiency, compared to my feeble, shaky ones. Those eyes that could see clearly, every little detail in a figure.
Unlike mine that were myopic, I needed glasses and still couldnt spot the errors. That perfect pair of feet, that never got tired despite working a full 24 hours the night before. I feel a wave of guilt as I remember dropping a test tube rack and spilling all my samples just the night before.
A wave of panic rose within me. How did I even get here and do I deserve to be here? Why am I not enough? I began to look for sacrifices, placing my calendar and sleep schedule on the altar.Yet, the more I did, the more it demanded. More stories were added to upkeep its appearances, and no matter how hard I worked, I could never keep up.
Then I remembered. It was all just my creation, the altar of the perfect student I needed to be. It was mute and dumb with no actual power, just fragments of the things that I had amassed. Some of the pieces no longer looked like their original forms. I mustered up my courage and broke it with a hammer into many pieces.
May you never torment another grad student again! Sadly, someone else picked it up and restored it. Now it holds another grad student captive. What have I done?
See original here:
The Imposter | Synapse - Synapse
- Sirt1 improves healthy ageing and protects from metabolic syndrome-associated cancer [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: May 3rd, 2010]
- A new mouse mutant of the Cdh23 gene with early-onset hearing loss facilitates evaluation of otoprotection drugs [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: August 2nd, 2010]
- Pharmacogenomics [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: October 10th, 2011]
- Drug Firms Want More Access to Genetic Specimens - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: October 14th, 2011]
- India joins genome club -Genomics in India - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: October 14th, 2011]
- Classic: Weinshilboum: Inherited Variations in Drug and Neurotransmitter Metabolism 1981 - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: October 14th, 2011]
- Intrinsic Subtypes of Gastric Cancer, Based on Gene Expression Pattern, Predict... - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: October 24th, 2011]
- Antidepressant Use Increases Significantly - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: October 28th, 2011]
- Kelan G. Tantisira, MD, MPH - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: October 31st, 2011]
- Human Security Thesis, personalized medicine, pharmacogenomics, Pharmacogenomics - Introduction - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: November 8th, 2011]
- Pamela Sklar: 2011 Allen Institute for Brain Science Symposium - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: November 8th, 2011]
- Pharmacy Doctor Oct 2011 A #1.wmv - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: November 13th, 2011]
- R. Stephanie Huang, PhD: The Role of Pharmacogenomics and Anticancer Drugs - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: November 19th, 2011]
- Individualized Molecular Testing for Personalized Medicine - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: November 21st, 2011]
- Where Science Meets Faith: Anticipating the Future - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: November 28th, 2011]
- Pharmacogenomics of psychotropic drugs - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: December 6th, 2011]
- 2008 IPIT Awards Seminar: Hans Hogerzeil - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: December 7th, 2011]
- Asuragen CLIA Pharmacogenomic Services - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: December 8th, 2011]
- Pilot Demonstration Projects Group 4: Pharmacogenomics - Alan Shuldiner - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: December 16th, 2011]
- Pharmacogenomics - Howard McLeod - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: December 17th, 2011]
- Clinical Implementation of Psychiatric Pharmacogenomics - David Mrazek - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: January 10th, 2012]
- PROMISE - Bionexus Partnership Launching montage - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: January 16th, 2012]
- Dr. William Figg: Handling Pharmacogenomic Information - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: January 19th, 2012]
- Using Payer Data to Analyze Impact of Pharmacogenomic Approaches - Robert Epstein - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: January 22nd, 2012]
- Dr. Russ Altman on Pharmacogenomics - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: January 26th, 2012]
- AssureRx Health Secures $8M Financing with Silicon Valley Bank to Support Growth [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: January 31st, 2012]
- BSc Biomedical Sciences courses at Brunel University - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 1st, 2012]
- Companion Diagnostics Market to Explode as Personalized Medicine Market Catapults to $42 Billion by 2015 [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 3rd, 2012]
- Gaming Wins Big at National Science Foundation's Visualization Challenge [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 14th, 2012]
- SBCE to organise international meet on Molecular Medicine [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 15th, 2012]
- FDA Evaluating MolecularHealth's MASE for Analyzing Post-Market Drug Safety [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 15th, 2012]
- Genome BC Funds $9.8M Project to Identify Subgroups in Medulloblastoma for Personalized Treatment [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 15th, 2012]
- Future US Nucleic Acid Testing Market Outlook [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 16th, 2012]
- China Clears Its First Microarray Platform for in Vitro Diagnostics to Accelerate Personalized Medicine [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 16th, 2012]
- ACLA Says Cuts in Medicare Lab Payments Could Hurt Nascent Personalized Dx Segment [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 20th, 2012]
- OncTerm- Pharmacogenomics - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 21st, 2012]
- A Negative Vote for Vivus Obesity Drug, Says 'FDA Panel Whisperer' [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 22nd, 2012]
- International meet on molecular medicine begins at SBCE [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 24th, 2012]
- Demonstrating Cost Effectiveness of Clinical NGS is Key to Payor Reimbursement, Hospital Uptake [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 24th, 2012]
- Darien High Schoolers fare well at science fair [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 27th, 2012]
- US Hematology & Flow Cytometry Market Future Discussed in New Report Published at MarketPublishers.com [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 29th, 2012]
- ACM Global Central Lab Launches Workshop Series to Share Expert Insights on Navigating Global Clinical Trials with a ... [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 29th, 2012]
- Fitch: Drug Makers Continue to Face Challenges at the Beginning of the Drug Channel [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: February 29th, 2012]
- Will PCORI's Patient-Centered Comparative Effectiveness Research Track with Personalized Rx? [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 3rd, 2012]
- Generex to Meet with FDA about AE37 HER2 Peptide Vaccine; Companion Dx Path Still Unclear [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 6th, 2012]
- Vermillion's OVA1 Test Assigned Category 1 CPT Code; Stock Jumps [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 7th, 2012]
- Transgenomic Reports Fiscal Year 2011 Financial Results [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 7th, 2012]
- Transgenomic's Q4 Revenues Increase 69 Percent [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 7th, 2012]
- Research and Markets: Molecular Diagnostics: Market Segmentation and Opportunities - Emphasis on NGS and Its Emerging ... [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 7th, 2012]
- AMA Approves Vermillion MAAA Category 1 Code for OVA1; Will it Improve Reimbursement? [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 7th, 2012]
- USPSTF Updating BRCA Testing Recommendations for Asymptomatic Women; Accepting Public Input [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 8th, 2012]
- Global Biochips Market to Reach US$4.6 Billion by 2017, According to New Report by Global Industry Analysts, Inc. [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 10th, 2012]
- WSU venturing into pharmacogenomics - Tue, 13 Mar 2012 PST [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 13th, 2012]
- Research and Markets: Stephens' Detection and Evaluation of Adverse Drug Reactions: Principles and Practice (6th ... [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 14th, 2012]
- With MDx Usage and Costs on the Rise, UnitedHealthCare Urges Reimbursement Reform [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 14th, 2012]
- Bioinformatics Market Outlook to 2015 [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 15th, 2012]
- WSU recruits geneticists in new research venture [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 15th, 2012]
- Pharmacogenomics - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 15th, 2012]
- Free Book Download - Psychiatric Pharmacogenomics - Video [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 16th, 2012]
- PanGenX Takes Semantic-based Approach to Data Integration, Analytics for Personalized Medicine [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 17th, 2012]
- Research and Markets: Bioinformatics Market Outlook to 2015 [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 21st, 2012]
- Quest Launches MDx that May Predict Kidney Transplant Rejection Earlier than Current Methods [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 21st, 2012]
- EMERGE Network Launches Publicly Available Database of Phenotype Identification Algorithms [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 23rd, 2012]
- Prospective Outcomes Trial Shows Agendia's MammaPrint Safely Reduces Chemo Use in Low-Risk Patients [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 26th, 2012]
- Abbott Challenges 'Incorrect Assumptions' in Cost-Effectiveness Study of Xalkori PGx Testing [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 26th, 2012]
- Genoptix Says NGS Melanoma Test Will Not Be Used to Place Patients in Trials for Parent Novartis [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 28th, 2012]
- St. Jude's Evans Receives Pharmacists Assn. Award [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 29th, 2012]
- Perkins Chain Hires New CEO [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 29th, 2012]
- PGx Highlights from American College of Cardiology Annual Meeting [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 29th, 2012]
- Collecting Cancer Data [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 29th, 2012]
- Study: Higher Plavix Dose Doesn't Improve Response for CYP2C19*2 Carriers; Effient May Be Best Option [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 29th, 2012]
- UNC Analysis Finds Beta1-AR Alleles Impact Survival in Patients Treated with Beta-Blockers [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 29th, 2012]
- Q&A: GE Healthcare's Mark Dente on the Challenges of Integrating Genomics Data with EMRs [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 31st, 2012]
- Eastday-Neurosurgeon, geneticist take top prizes in science [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: March 31st, 2012]
- A New 'Omics Emerges [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: April 2nd, 2012]
- Up to the Task [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: April 2nd, 2012]
- NHGRI Plans to Fund More Clinical Sequencing Projects [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: April 7th, 2012]
- Doctor’s role is key to cancer fight [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: April 16th, 2012]
- People in the News: Josh LaBaer in as New President of US HUPO and More [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: April 22nd, 2012]
- Convey, CLC Bio to Provide Combined Software, Hardware NGS Data-Analysis Solution [Last Updated On: August 17th, 2024] [Originally Added On: April 22nd, 2012]