I recently took a Nutrition IQ Test in a magazine and scored slightly lower than moron.

In my defense, though, the test failed to accurately reflect some of my rather innovative, complex and, well, insightful views on nutrition. Therefore, and to wit, I have devised my own Nutrition IQ Test that has been dumbed down to a level I find more within reach.

Give it a try. Scoring is completely subjective. As in T-ball, there are no losers.

1. True or False: Buffalo chicken sauce can cure the common cold. a) True b) False c) Only if its the extra hot kind

2. List the five major food groups: a) stuff from McDonalds, stuff from Burger King, stuff from Taco Bell, stuff from Kentucky Fried Chicken, and stuff from Papa Ginos b) deli meats, sub rolls, mayonnaise, dill pickles, and Cheez-Its c) the five things you like best in a poo-poo platter d) all of the above, plus two things deep fried

3. What are the virtues of tofu: a) Its got a funny-sounding name b) Its trustworthy c) You can roll it in a ball and hurl it at pursuers d) You can make fun of people who eat it

4. What is a good source for minerals: a) pie b) cake c) cake-pie d) a quarry

5. Its a known fact that garlic can: a) lower cholesterol b) lower blood pressure c) ward off vampires d) prevent unwanted kissing

6. Whats the difference between simple and complex carbohydrates: a) complex carbohydrates are more insightful b) simple carbohydrates are easy to fool c) complex carbohydrates come from animals or vegetables containing more than two syllables, like alligator or zucchini d) simple carbohydrates dont like to brag about themselves

7. How many kinds of nutrients are there: a) lots b) kind of a lot c) it depends on what you mean by nutrient d) it depends on what time of day it is

Continue reading here:
Frank Mulligan: Nutrition for dummies