As my fathers caregiver, Mom had a way that was all her own.

She was attentive and loving, while still supporting his independence. She never patronized him and always expressed desire to attend to his needs.

Mom always made caregiving look easy, but I know how difficult it is to care for someone who has advanced mesothelioma. She had a natural skill for taking care of Dad.

She learned how to be a caregiver through experience. Mom never went to medical school or worked in the medical field. She was a homemaker who loved her husband and children.

Her style of caregiving seemed instinctual she just knew what to do when Dad got sick. I never understood how until I studied psychology.

Doctors study medicine for years to develop their style of practice. They develop a sense of responsibility for their patients, and that helps define their style.

Being a family caregiver is a more personal experience than providing medical care for a random patient. They have a love for family and an inner desire to care for their loved ones.

If a physician develops a style through education, experience and their personality, one might wonder what makes up a caregivers style. Most caregivers dont have formal training that teaches them how to interact with their loved one.

Perhaps family caregivers style is more natural more intrinsic than a doctors learned behaviors.

While researching John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworths attachment theory, I came across an article that explores the significance of attachment styles in caregiving.

Attachment styles are bonds developed during infancy and early childhood through infant and caretaker relationships. This type of bonding serves as a model for future relationships in adult life.

In essence, attachment styles influence how we treat others and how we expect others to treat us.

Most people in the developmental psychology community recognize several styles of attachment, including secure, avoidant and resistant. These childhood bonds may have implications in how caregivers will care for a sick loved one later in life.

Our caregiver style is linked to who we are as a person and how we relate to others.

However, a persons caregiving style doesnt fit neatly into any one category. Rather, the styles represent behavioral tendencies that exist on a more fluid spectrum.

We all have days where we are better equipped to provide for the needs of others and face other times when we could use a little help.

Many caregivers fall somewhere within these styles:

Just as a childs behavior might fluctuate depending on outside influences, so does the behavior of a caregiver.

Stress plays a significant role in caregiver responses. The important thing to remember is communication. Sometimes our loved one might need us to be more attentive. Other times, they might be focused more on maintaining independence.

As caregivers, we need to be flexible and sensitive to their needs.

No one is perfect, not even medical professionals. Our loved ones recognize us as human beings who are providing care from the heart.

Very few family caregivers have professional medical training. They learn from on-the-job experience. They provide care not with precision medical skills, but with their hearts.

Perhaps author Kahlil Gibran captures the spirit of a caregiver best when he writes, You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Caregivers reserve the best of themselves for those they love. There is not a more rewarding relationship than one deepened through caregiving.

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Understanding Mesothelioma Caregiver Styles - Asbestos.com (blog)