They say the more you complain, the longer God makes you live. If thats true, theres a good chance Ill never die. I complain more than anyone I know.

Fortunately, evidence contradicts this claim to longevity. A week ago, Utahs oldest living resident, Edna S. Decker, died at age 109.

According to a Tribune story about her life and death, she was a remarkably upbeat woman. She attributed her extended life "to good nutrition, a positive attitude and an independent spirit."

That leaves me out. I have horrible nutrition, the worst attitude ever measured by science, and I havent had a fully independent spirit since I got married.

You cant be too careful, though. With all the advancements in medicine, its best to prepare for a long life especially if its longer than youd like it to be.

If I live to age 109, Ill still be alive in the year 2060. Thats approximately another 50 years Ill have to endure on this orbiting clod. The thought depresses me.

I dont handle change well anymore.

Decker saw a lot of change in her life. When she was born in 1902, a loaf of bread cost 3 cents. By the time she was approximately the age I am now, it cost 16 cents. Fifty years after that, it was $2.80. If I live to be as old as Decker, bread will cost $4,055 per loaf.

That might be OK. The average family income in 1902 was $703. Fifty years later, it was $4,224. If I live until 2060, the average annual income will be close to $900,000. I should still be able to afford bread then. If there is any.

Ednas parents would have paid $750 for a new Ford. It would have cost my parents $4,011. Two years ago, a friend paid $25,700 for a new car. By the time I reach 109, a new car will cost about $200,000. There just wont be any gas to run it.

See the original post:
Kirby: Me a centenarian? Only if my wife outlives me