by Ron Hart

From Fox News, "Pelosi's Office Sat on Massa Mess?" March 12:

Lots of drama surrounded the allegations against former New York Congressman Eric Massa who is accused of sexually harassing his aides, but these grave charges were not news to some top Democrats.

It turns out that the San Francisco speaker's office got wind of the allegations in October. That's when Massa's chief of staff told Pelosi's office that the former congressman was living with his aides and behaving in ways that made them uncomfortable. But the speaker's office didn't do a thing about it.

Rep. Michele Bachmann quoted in Politico:

"The real story about Massa is that it appears Speaker Pelosi’s office may have known about the sexual harassment between him and his employees as of last October, but they laid on that story... this is what it looks like. It looks like they laid on that story until they couldn’t get Massa’s vote; then, suddenly, these charges got out and this guy was forced to resign. This is how dirty it’s getting."

Eric Massa became the New York Democratic Party’s biggest political embarrassment in weeks. Even in our TMZ-era of politics, Massa lowered the awkwardness threshold. This latest scandal follows on the heels of Gov. David Paterson’s forced step-aside after rumors his office was rife with graft, corruption, drug use and interoffice casual sex. On the positive side, Paterson’s staffers were never late for work.

Remember, Paterson himself followed Eliot Spitzer, who resigned after it was revealed that he was a hooker enthusiast. That bastion of liberal Democrats, New York, which is Obama’s vision for us, is on a roll.

Eric Massa’s bumbling replies to accusations that he groped male staffers, whom he lived with, achieved a CNN first: he made Larry King appear the most lucid one in an interview.

In fairness to Massa (and as he is quick to point out), the alleged groping took place on his 50th birthday. For all you frugal male friends of Massa who don’t know what to get him for his 51st birthday, you can’t go wrong with letting him tickle you for an hour.

Massa also told the media, while dodging the question himself, to “ask his wife if he was gay.” I am no political strategist, but I would imagine after years of marriage she is probably in on this gig. I did some rare research and determined that Eric Massa has fathered two children with his wife: one right after the Burt Reynolds semi-nude centerfold came out in Cosmo magazine, and the other shortly after Scott Brown’s magazine photo appeared in1982. It was then that Massa got interested in politics, with particular attention to polling his constituents.

Per interviews, Massa spent several vividly memorable years “on a ship with 10,000 men.” Massa probably left the Navy after his dream of being a rear admiral was crushed; he learned that it was an actual high-ranking command position.

Nanny “Swamp Boss” Pelosi was slow to react to the Massa situation, citing an ethics investigation. The Democrats have had ongoing “ethics investigations” into both Massa and Charlie “Weekend at Benefactors” Rangel. Pelosi found it hard to act on the ethics investigations, since not a trace of actual ethics has been uncovered.

Maybe Pelosi can use Massa to tickle terrorists for information instead of the method she abhors, water-boarding. It would fit right in to her oh-so cute stance on national defense.

Ron Hart is a southern libertarian humorist and writer living on the northwest coast of Florida. RonaldHart.com