On 19 July 2013 the Australian government announced that those who arrived by boat seeking safety would never reach the mainland. The effect of this policy is beyond description and I am still haunted by the memories of the time myself and hundreds of others were held captive on Manus Island.

The concept of a system ruining peoples lives is not easy to understand. It is complex, destructive and manipulative and every aspect is highly politicised. It is a form of systematic torture, the scars of which are not obvious, but they are real and will affect a person for the rest of his or her life.

Over time, we questioned many of the decisions made and the waste which was so obvious. No books were allowed, but cigarettes were supplied; staff lost their jobs as a result of bringing reading material to refugees; food was thrown out while hungry local children drooled at the fence. We were surrounded by security guards watching our every move. I could go on and on, but the thoughts stir too many emotions as all these frustrations became torture when lived day after day.

I am free today but overwhelmed with guilt. My struggle came to an end in June 2018 when the United States offered me liberty and changed my stateless life in a way that I cant put into words. I never dreamed that I would find my new home in this part of the world.

Being able to speak the language shaped my new life on so many levels. Although I had never had the opportunity to gain an education, I obtained my high school equivalency diploma in less than a year, something I never imagined would be possible. Now, I am completing my second semester at Truman College.

Life feels real and I can see a bright future ahead; however, my free life feels constrained in some ways. It seems those of us who have resettled in the US and other countries feel the same way because we all left someone very close to us behind. I think and rethink before I publish a photo of myself as it may cause my refugee brothers and sisters to feel even more hopeless. They didnt do anything wrong to be left behind but fate took us to different places.

It is hard for us to feel completely free while this year will mark eight years in detention for those who are still suffering in Papua New Guinea, Nauru and Australia, and whose future is still unknown. I want to move on, thrive, and forgive the Australian government for everything it inflicted on me for five years, but I just dont know when I can do that as it has separated the family I made during my incarceration on Manus Island. It continues to play politics with their fragile lives.

While most of us are reliving old memories during this pandemic, we are fortunate to have control over our lives, have the meals we want, and live in a safe home without constantly being watched. It is not easy for us to see our refugee brothers and sisters are being held in confined areas with no space to maintain social distancing. It does break our hearts and it is like we are suffering too because of all we have suffered together our experiences are real, our brotherhood and sisterhood are real.

Shamindan Kanapadhi, a Sri Lankan refugee living in Port Moresby, recently wrote a Facebook post which has reminded me of the powerlessness and hopelessness that I used to feel every day on Manus. He wrote: Life is sustained by hope, the hope of future prospects and dreams being fulfilled. Every night as you go to sleep, you are sustained by the hope that the next morning when you wake all your problems will be solved. Hope allows us to keep striving. But sadly, when your hope is shattered by unexpected incidents, you are left with an unbearable pain and a disheartening situation.

His words shattered my heart, as I cant bring an end to this crisis. Australias offshore refugee policy has been criticised internally and globally. However, refugees are still locked up, now for nearly a decade. How could we let this happen to our fellow human beings? Where is our humanity? I dont sleep in peace. But I survived.

The minister for home affairs, Peter Dutton, has no plan to release the refugees. Instead he continues to punish the innocent by trying to remove the only lifeline they have telephones. It is another political strategy to keep the public and media occupied talking about phones instead of thinking about refugees release. I never thought Australia would treat refugees the way it does.

It is high time the Australian government put an end to this systematic torture before it is too late. Thirteen refugees have already lost their lives as a consequence of the offshore detention regime. I urge those in power to let all our souls heal and contribute to this world.

More:

I left Manus Island but it's hard to feel free while my refugee brothers and sisters are still detained - The Guardian