Mary Huang is 54 years old, unmarried with no children and a career that has taken her all over the globe.

When she returned to Ottawa to help care for her aging parents, she started to think about what she wanted for herself as she grew older. Ever the researcher, Huang, who builds complex planning and forecasting systems for large companies, set out to discover a way to build my own village and soon found one a cohousing community.

I lived in New York for six months. I definitely saw where people didnt know their neighbours and its pretty sad, said Huang, one of about a dozen people who form the nucleus of Concorde, an intentional community in the planning stages.

Concordes members are seeking not just to share a roof over their heads, but also whatever they choose to share of their lives. You hear the world potluck often in the cohousing world.

Cohousing is considered to be a model of living that can help avert loneliness and social isolation as more Canadians face aging without a partner or children, or with families that live far away. According to Statistics Canada, the number of people living alone has more than doubled between 1981 and 2016, from 1.7 million to four million.

York University anthropologist Margaret Critchlow has described cohousing as a grassroots model of neighbourly mutual support that can help reduce social isolation and promote positive, active aging.

Cohousing encourages independence through awareness that we are all interdependent, Critchlow wrote in a 2013 article in the journal Social Science Directory. In a senior cohousing community, giving and receiving co-care is entirely voluntary. Members may choose to support each other through such activities as doing errands, driving, cooking, or going for a walk with a neighbour. Being good neighbours helps people age well in a community and they have fun doing it!

It was this idea of voluntary support that resonated with Huang. I am pretty self-sufficient and can be an introvert at times. At other times I strike up conversations with random strangers and had some very interesting conversations, she said. The idea that this type of interaction can be had just outside my door if I wanted really appealed to me.

Margery Street, 69, worked for more than 40 years a pharmacist. She has a 32-year-old son with a disability. In the last half decade of her working life, Streets job took her to retirement homes to talk to residents about their medications. The experience was an eye-opener, she said.

One woman said she missed her garden. She was so depressed. So what do they do? They give her anti-depressants. I thought to myself, Theres no bloody way Im going to live in one of those, said Street, who is also a Concorde member.

Im an only child. My son is an only child. I currently rent an apartment. Im concerned about social isolation.

Mary Huang is one of the founding members of Ottawas Concorde, a multi-generational cohousing community still in the planning phases.Ashley Fraser / Postmedia

Could cohousing be one of the answers to helping people age well together? Many think so.

Lynne Markell, 74, is one of the nine core members of Convivium, a proposed cohousing community for older adults.

Im single. I live alone. I dont have any children. I wouldnt call myself lonely, but I realize I could live healthier and better with other people around me, she said. We believe in the value of community support. Giving help and getting help back.

People in cohousing communities have the independence of their own private units, which they usually own and can buy and sell, although some communities have low-cost rental units for those who cant afford to buy in. Residents share communal space that acts as a focal point for gatherings, usually a large kitchen and dining room. There may be a suite for guests or a caregiver, which opens up the possibility of sharing an in-house caregiver.

Most cohousing is set up under the same legal framework either as condos or co-ops, so the legalities and responsibilities are established.

Critchlow has suggested that building a social portfolio might be as important as building a financial portfolio. Cohousing could be a made-in-Canada model for ageing, not just in place, but in community, she wrote.

But so far, both Concorde and Convivium are still in the ideas stage. Neither has land or a design to show prospective members. And this is where cohousing appears to be stuck in many cities in Canada.

Ontarios only completed cohousing community is Ottawas Terra Firma, which opened in 1997 after 12 families bought and renovated two three-door townhouses on Drummond Street near Saint Paul University. The members later added an infill building between the townhouses which includes a seventh residential unit and common space for hosting events ranging from community meals to dance parties and art classes. The yard behind the units is shared by all and contains a trampoline, treehouse, swing and sitting areas.

In a way, we re not doing anything different than what people with condos do. We just have a different intent, said Steven Fick, who has been a member in Terra Firma since the beginning.

Fick was in his 40s when he bought into Terra Firma. He wasnt thinking about social networks and their connection to healthy aging at that point, but has since realized how much his community may help him age well.

One of the strongest predictors of longevity is social connection, he said.

But the real estate market in central Ottawa has changed in the past 22 years. Like most other cohousing groups across the country, Concorde and Convivium have stumbled on the hard reality of acquiring land, a developer and bridge financing to take the idea from concept to reality, all the while keeping the momentum going and the group cohesive.

Convivium started about four years ago as an effort to get a seniors cohousing community at Greystone Village on former Oblate lands between Main Street and the Rideau River. When that didnt work out, the group started the search for its own land. But raw land in a central location is expensive, and the group would have to self-finance the project through the planning and design process until the members were ready to swap the equity they had in their homes and move into their new units. Its all a matter of timing, said Convivium member Markell.

The group now wants to buy a small apartment building or perhaps a couple of adjacent buildings to retrofit them. Its faster than starting with the land, and at least people can look at the buildings and imagine what a retrofit would look like, she said.

In Perth, a cohousing community called Tay Commons began more than four years ago when a group of friends held a potluck and agreed they didnt want to end up in long-term care. What they wanted was a sense of community, caring for each other and living in a modest and environmentally-friendly way.

In theory, you can live together more cheaply, said Tay Commons member Doug Burt, 74. A lot of cohousing people are independent thinkers. They want control over their own destinies. And privacy.

The group decided it didnt need a large property and acquired an option on a small plot of land that was once part of a municipal works yard a few blocks from Perths historic downtown. They envisioned a three-story apartment block with units ranging from about 850 square feet to about 1,000 square feet and hired an architect.

But Tay Commons is far off from being bricks and mortar. It takes a lot of moving parts to establish a cohousing community and keep it going. One member of the group had a partner who was not sold on the idea. Another was supportive, but didnt see herself moving in, said Louise McDiarmid, 76, who is one of Tay Commons founding members.

The costs ballooned. The original quote to build came in at $3.3 million, which included about $150,000 for the land. But because the space was tight, it had to be designed to allow access for emergency vehicles. The next quote came in at $4.4 million, plus an estimated $300 a month for each unit to cover condo fees.

That put the nail in the coffin, said McDiarmids husband, Don, 82.

Because of the costs of buying land, designing the community and perhaps hiring a consultant to shepherd it through the process, cohousing is usually an option only for the solidly middle-class. We might be the last generation to be able to do this, notes Don McDiarmid.

Historically, most attempts to build co-housing dont work. At the end, they founder on cost, said Burt. The first thing you want to do it build a relationship. You want to make sure it will last. If you cant knit the community together, then it collapses.

Cohousing originated in Denmark in 1964, when architect Jan Gudmand-Hoyer and a group of friends came up with a plan for 12 houses with a common house and swimming pool. They bought land, but the project never got built. Still, the idea attracted attention and two communities were completed in Denmark by 1973. Cohousing has taken root in the Netherlands, Scandinavia, the U.S. and B.C. But its been slow to get off the ground in Ontario.

Typically, cohousing units are modest in size. Huang said 550 square feet would suit her just fine. The Fick family unit in Terra Firma is only about 1,200 square feet. The Ficks have raised three children in it. Their two daughters still live within a block of the community.

Its another way to live lightly, said Steven Fick. I dont need to own things, I just need to have access to things.

Louise McDiarmid started thinking about aging after she read Betty Friedans 1993 book Fountain of Age, which looked at the longevity boom and what it would mean for society.

I wanted to have control of my own aging. Betty Friedan spoke of it as a new stage of life with its own challenges and joys. Youre not responsible for children anymore, so youre willing to take on new risks, she said. I feel strongly about the need for community, I feel we need to belong to a group of people who value you for who you are. It was an opportunity to belong to something larger than yourself.

While many see cohousing as a seniors concept, it can work any way the members want. The age range among Tay Commons members is about 20 years. Convivium is for older adults. Concorde aims to be multi-generational.

Concorde member Valerie Thacker Smith, 38, first experienced co-housing when she visited a friend near Ann Arbor, Michigan. The residents shared a massive kitchen and tool room. They took dance courses and barbecued together. Later, Thacker Smith lived in Haiti, where it is common for families to live in enclaves that cluster around a courtyard with an outdoor kitchen.

People are so much better off. Its not just the emotional benefits. It has financial benefits, she said. Co-housing gives people of all ages a chance to be part of a community and contribute.

The Concorde members believe it will take at least 25 people to get the project off the ground, just because so many people are unable to commit. They also know that they face a red-hot market for raw land. The group had considered buying a small apartment building and renovating, but these kinds of buildings rarely come up for sale, and when they do theyre snapped up quickly.

Its a Catch-22. People dont want to commit until they know where it would be built, said Thacker Smith.

Members of Concorde, front from left: Valerie Thacker Smith, Margery Street, Mary Huang, Diana Armour, Jane Keeler, and back row from left: Caroline Balderston Parry, Elliot Sherman, Jennifer Craven, and Jake Morrison of Concorde cohousing Saturday November 30, 2019. Ashley Fraser/PostmediaAshley Fraser / Postmedia

Concorde member Margery Street has visited cohousing in B.C., where the Canadian Cohousing Network lists nine communities as completed and another four as under construction. Part of the reason for the success on the west coast is that theres a financial institution willing to advance money until projects are completed, said Street.

No one has really stepped up in Ontario, said Huang. You need a bank or financial institution that understands the concept.

Legally, cohousing takes a lot of attention to detail, especially the what-ifs as members age. What if a member develops dementia? What if someone remarries and the new spouse doesnt subscribe to the philosophy? What about adult children who return to the nest? Some communities have legal wording that gives the surviving members the first right of refusal if a unit is sold so the philosophy can remain intact.

MacDiarmid sees herself losing freedom as she ages. Already she doesnt drive at night. The members of Tay Commons dont plan to be personal support workers for each other, but they would like to share resources, such as driving for groceries. They have pledged to remain a community, even without a common roof over their heads. Some already live within walking distance of each other, and others may join them as houses in the neighbourhood come up for sale.

How do you maintain the philosophy of cohousing without a house? The challenge for aging seniors is how to develop community without an actual building, said Burt. There is a desire, even if we dont have a house, to be as close as possible.

Steven Fick in front of his home in Terra Frima. He bought into the cohousing community in 1997 and still lives there.Tony Caldwell / Postmedia

The original members of Terra Firma are getting older. But so far, none have left, said Fick.

We will deal with that when it happens. People want to age here. That might mean needing help with care or meals. Its a creative process, he said. I think part of the attraction is that Terra Firma is like an extended family.

Steven Fick and his neighbour Suzanne talk in their back yard in Ottawa Tuesday Dec 3, 2019. Steven is part of Terra Firma, a cohousing community on Drummond Street in Ottawa.Tony Caldwell / Postmedia

Other intentional communities may have a shared religion, a charismatic leader or a utopian philosophy, said Fick. Cohousing is more down-to-earth and practical. Its just people trying to figure out how to live closer. For me, its not about utopia. Its about making it as good as it can be under the circumstances.

The members of Convivium are regrouping and plan to have a refined vision within the next few months, said Markell. Were guinea pigs and were choosing it. With some luck, I think well be able to show whats possible.

Concorde is still looking for more members and land. We need more members to help do the work since its not a simple and easy process, said Huang.

I know how much richer my life is, said Fick of his life in Terra Firma. I have a life that is worth living and I see my life as significant to other people. A lot of other people have my back. That gives me a lot of inner peace.

This article was written with the support of a journalism fellowship from The Gerontological Society of America, Journalists Network on Generations and the Silver Century Foundation.

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Cohousing is a potentially key way to combat loneliness but it's difficult to get off the ground - Ottawa Citizen