(Melbourne Notes - Written in 2009)

I never thought my supposedly smooth transition will be crippled by such a trivial thing as everyday how-are-you’s. I coped gracefully with bigger things: the new job, the language, the cold (imagine a tropical creature journeys in winter), the settling-in, the food. But in the first weeks, there were always those awkward seconds before I could respond to a simple “How are you?”.

I believe it is cultural! We do greet each other with a genial “Apa kabar?” (how-are-you equivalent in Bahasa), but certainly we don’t apa-kabar each other every 5-minute! In Indonesia, if you see them & interact with them on a daily basis, a nice good-morning and an occasional “hi” every time you bump into them will be sufficient. But in Western culture they fire on with how-are-you every time they set eyes on you. Or so I felt.

Then followed the awkward seconds in which I struggled for an answer.

It was hard for me to respond readily because I could not tell if they sincerely wanted to know how I was or if it was just something mechanical; something meaningless that did not demand meaningful answer.

If I were honestly feeling low, should I just say it? Would they care or would they brush it off? If they cared, I might have to elaborate. But would I care to? I’m not someone who could just pour my heart out to a perfect stranger.

But if this whole how-are-you thing is just mechanical, why bother answering it anyway? Could I just brush it off?

See? All these “philosophical” questions passed through my mind every time a random, well-meaning person asked me that simple “How are you?”. And if I was an idiot for taking three days to realize that the office has no tea girls, I must have been a bigger idiot for taking three WEEKS to get it into my system that I shouldn’t worry about the (in)sincerity of the meaning; I should just take it as a cultural thing and produce a prompt “Good. Yourself?” with a genuine smile, both in the ups and downs of my day.

So I got over it now. You can how-are-you me every 5-minute and I wouldn’t bother. Except that now I’m feeling a bit bored with the words good/fine/well as universal answers. Surely there are better ways to respond to this standard greeting! “Never been better”. “Still hangin’ on”. “Getting there”. “Fabulous”. “Sensational”. “Like sunshine!”. "Living my dreams". Oh, I can invent other things and heaps of them. So you’ll be surprised the next time you fire your “How are you?” at me! 🙂

PS:

This is something that happened during my Uni years, when I was a part-time Bahasa teacher in Jogja. One of my favourite students, a British diplomat, came to me and idly asked me to translate “Mustn’t grumble” to Bahasa. “Why would you need to say ’mustn’t grumble’ anyway?”, I was sincerely curious. “Alternative answer to how-are-you”, he said. NOW I know what he meant. “Good” is just sooooooo boring! 🙂