The universe loves partnerships! Human beings are hardwired to learn, heal and maximize their individual potention in relationships. Its been said that relationships are designed to be top-notch, which offer ample and ongoing opportunities for partners to grow and bring out the best in each. And the yearning for a partner and companion with whom tosharelife joys and create new meanings is very real.

For many, finding an ideal mate isa naturalpassion, albeit one that consumesmuch of our energy throughout life, perhaps to the point of becoming an obsession, or addiction.

The field of neurosciencebacks this withrecent findingsthat showthe human brain is above all a social organ.Besides, there are somany wondrous things in life to learn and experience; why go it alone, if you dont have to?

Someone to share joys and struggles with, seems a natural choice, not to mentiona biological directive that can bring out our best, at minimum, keep us growing.

And research shows that married people are overall happier and healthier; however, and this is vital to note,its not the fact theyre married that makes them happy. Its because both partners habitually act in ways what sustainsindividual and relationalhappiness.What are the ways of genuine love?

Perhaps one of the most all-encompassingand insightfuldefinitions of love comes to us from a groundbreaking, classic bestseller, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth, written bypsychiatrist Dr. M. Scott Peck published inthe 1980s (a must read!):

Love is the will to extend ones self for purpose of nurturing ones own or anothers spiritual growth. ~ SCOTT PECK

This defines love in terms offour critical, all encompassing components, and three agreements.

FOUR COMPONENTS OF LOVERS IN A CONSCIOUS-LOVE:

1. A set intention or goal for conscious-love action.

Each partner treats love for self and the other as conscious action, or conscious-love, and not mere feeling. Conscious-love is a moment by moment awareness of making optimal choices, that is, to act in ways that are in the highest and best interest of both self and other.

Love is and inside out job. selffrom within, to make positive and meaningfulcontributions tolife in and around you.

2. Areciprocal processoriented to lifelong learning and growth.

A love that enriches the growth and wellbeing of each partner is one in which both partners are fully and mutually engaged in their own and the others growth and wellbeing.

3. An awareness and sense of balance in fulfillment of own and the others inner yearnings.

Both partners responsibly act to promote a balance between ahealthy love and care of for own emotion-needs, wants and dreams,andhealthy care and love for the others (to avoid the toxicity that results when both get absorbed in meeting needs, wants of self or the other).

4. A view of love and care as a dedication of each to an ongoing process.

Each partner is dedicated to nurturing the relationship as an ongoing process that treats love and one another as alive, thus the necessity forcontinual effort, in the same way breathing keeps body alive by replenishing oxygen supply or tending to a plant needs ongoing effort.

THREE AGREEMENTS BETWEEN TWO LOVERS IN A CONSCIOUS-LOVE:

The above four components are lifelong attributes of a healthy, lifelong love relationship between two partners. To sustain the energy and work needed to tend to a healthy relationship with self and others, however, there are 3 conscious choices to energize and seal them with the 3 agreements below, which guarantee optimal emotion states of mind and body: Commitment! Wholeness!Collaboration!

Agreement One: Commitment! Why?

Commitment is a vow two partners make to keep their relationship strong and vital, and that means to learn and test and discern what strengthens a relationship, and what harms and weakens it. One of the most challenging things for partners to learn to let go is the myths that romanticize male dominance based on gendered oles, and the associated fairy tales of love as happily ever after that depict love and love partners more like objects than real human beings. The fairy tale expectations and myths, for example, that say love should feel easy and it shouldnt be work are setups for failure, at best misguided. Nothing in life can be approached with this attitude, not a career or job or raising children. Success is realized to the extent commitment is present. Only a wholehearted commitmentof two partners ensures the lifelong benefits of two actualized happy individuals in a committed relationship.

Agreement Two: Wholehearted Love! Why?

A wholehearted love is one in which each person in the relationship fully experiences themselves as fully human, that is, wired with amazing inner capacities for creativity that, safe to say, can safely be described as miracle-making! Love makes the world go around. It is who we are, in essence, as human beings because it describes out most powerful drives from the first breath to the last. No powers to dominate and destroy can compare to kindness and caring, compassion and tenderness. The governing forces of life as we know are, indisputably based on: the Golden Rule. For those open to learning how life works and doesnt, that is wisdom, an inevitable boomerang effect. What we put out returns. Even the mirror neurons wired into our brans speak of this dynamic.

Agreement Three: Collaboration! Why?

It takes two persons, working as a team, to strengthen and build a vibrant, long lasting relationship.Collaboration reflects an openness to work, to change, to find optimal solutions in the highest interest of all concerned. In the words of Charles Darwin, It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most response to change.

The bottom line is that for two persons to succeed in creating a healthy, lifelong love relationship, the work of each in learning to grow and heal and love and fully accept self as a capable and loving being is foundational. Without this foundation, a relationship remains weak and at risk.

A healthy relationship both nurtures and is nurtured by two persons oriented to their own and the others growth and wellbeing. It cannot be done by one (that is only possible between a parent and a young child). Nothing is more powerful, conceivably, than two partners that are each invested in theirown and others growth, health and wholeness, happiness and well being, and that understand the power of collaboration to optimize and expedite and create miracle-making synergy.

Photo by wallygrom

Photo by wallygrom

Photo by wallygrom

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4 Components and 3 Agreements of Partners in Enriching Love Relations - PsychCentral.com