Each one greater and more terrible than thelast.

An important thing to know about me is that I own and cherish a 16 oz plastic wine glass that reads recently divorced. Ive never been divorced(let alone married), but I relish the premise: the simple pleasure of beingblissful, enthusiasticallyalone. To me, it isa triumphant vision: lounging in asilk bathrobe, in proximity to chardonnay, perusing the obits section.

In film, spinsterhood tends tofigure as an inscrutable, and distinctly feminine, brokenness. Plenty of moviessee hersolitude as something the plot must overcometo achieve ahappy ending: in Cactus Flower, the rakish Julian makes the once-prickly Miss Dickinson bloom; The Doctor Takes a Wife stages a similar scenario, as does The African Queen, Now Voyager, and Quality Street.In this way, the spinster hasno truemale peer. The staunchbachelor may be unwed, but he is never demonized for his singlehood; never dismissed asself-absorbed, unfulfilled,orabnormalfor choosing not to marry. The bacheloris regular, every day; he can never sublimate into myth.

I wontdenythat the cinematic spinster is wrought with problematic and negative connotations but Ireject them in favor of a more celebratory reading. Below, I have assembled a cohort of fictional women who sought definition outside of matrimony, who achieved the eternal joyofbeing left the fuck alone.

Because the spinster requires adegree of financial independence, youll find the list below runs fairly rich (and consequently, fairly white). Youll also note that, while at odds with my beloved wine glass, Ive disqualifiedfilms concerning liberateddivorcees (e.g. Auntie Mame, Living Out Loud, and An Unmarried Woman). These are not quite spinsters, but soft, milquetoast shades of the real deal.

Speaking of which

Top: (L) Katharine Hepburn as Jane Hudson; (R) Maggie Smith as Jean Brodie Bottom: Judy Davis as Sybylla Melvyn.

Jane is an Ohio elementary school secretary fulfilling her lifelong dream of vacationing alone in Venice. Along the way she has a fling with thirsty stereotype Renato, and observes the fragility of her fellow travellers marriages. Jane enjoys the affair, but knows nothing can come of it. Peacefully waving goodbye to mediocrity, she abandons her emotionally distraughtfuckboy at atrain station after which she presumably moves to Tuscany, buys a vineyard, and lives out her life as a legendary hermit.

Jeans not a regular boarding school teacher, shes a cool boarding school teacher. She strays from the curriculum, takes her students on unconventional field trips, and is transparently, enthusiastically, unwed. Unswayed by insipid marriage proposals to lackluster suitors who will never be enough, Jean is devoted, a-line collars and all, to tuning her students to her independent streakfor better or worse.

Sybylla wants two things: to write for a living, and to not marry Sam Neill. Filled with determination to get to know herself, Sybylla eludes monogamy, perfects her messy bun, and gleefully disappoints her parents. Presumably her Brilliant Career was finding creative ways to get men to go fuck themselves.

Top: Lillian Gish as Rachel Cooper Bottom: (L) Stockard Channing and Dianne Wiest as Frances and Jet Owens; (R) Colleen Dewhurst as Marilla Cuthbert.

Rachel Cooper has no time for Reverend Harry Powells charismatic serial killer nonsense. Shes a tough old broad-armed with the fear of God and a Remington Model 10. Shes get off my lawn personified. While she considers children the best of humanity, men are shit in the wind to Rachel. And shell be there, alone, shotgun in hand, a strong tree with branches for many birds.

Witchy aunts Frances and Jet Owens are subject to a family curse: any man they fall in love with dies. Theyve had heartache in the past but have found unconquerable happinessin each others company; in midnight margarita parties, in floppy garden hats, and in mentoring the next generation of hermetical Massachusetts witches.

Marilla lives in rural P.E.I. and has no interest in being a mother but she does need some child labor to help with farm chores. Cool, formidable, and crisp were it not for her softy brother, Marilla would 100% have sent Anne packing. Fortunately, Marilla clocked a kinship with Anne a fierce desire for independence most properly edified by an elder spinster.

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Anatomy of a Spinster: 6 Species of Cinematic Old Maids - Film School Rejects