Ten years ago, New York food writer Josh Ozersky barreled into Portland for a 36-hour food binge. He prowled the city for honest Americana food, fuel for his legendary anti-modern food screens. He found it here, calling Portland America's New Food Eden in Time magazine. He even moved here years later. But his hunger was not truly sated before he died in 2015. Where are the burgers? he bellowed incessantly. Ozersky had a point. Weird-ass chef burgers were everywhere, stacked with barbecued pork or perhaps, dear God, donuts. But good luck finding a transcendent exaltation of the humble American icon, with its molten American cheese and squishy bun.

Now, in Portland dining's darkest hour, as the very places that won his heart and stomach hang by their fingernails, Ozerky's burger heaven has arrived. We're in the midst of a Burger Reformation. Food carts kicked it off a few years back, followed by Super Deluxe's drive-through rebirth and miles-long line of cars. The movement is still steaming, incomprehensibly, during the pandemic. To wit: three of the city's best classic cheeseburgers were born in this godforsaken upside-down world. Across the city, cooks are paying homage to the cheeseburger icons, among them: McDonald's Big Mac (double decker with special sauce), Shake Shacks ShackBurger (thin, fast-griddled smash burger with lettuce, tomato, and special sauce on a potato roll), and In-N-Out's cheeseburger (frilly lettuce, tomato, onion, and secret sauce).

Perfecting a classic burger is nowhere near as easy as it seems. Any teenage employee or backyard barbecuer can serve up a patty on a bun. To fine-tune each element to perfection, to create a chorus of flavors, to find and release our inner burger endorphins, is no easy task. But when done right, few things in life are more satisfying. So we had to know. Where are they? Which ones would Josh eat?

Enter The Burger Cabal. A year ago, Portland Monthly food critic Karen Brooks invited four burger nuts to join the quest: famed fast-food poet-reviewer Bill Oakley, the former Simpsons writer behind the much-memed Steamed Hams sketch; legendary Portland diner Gary Okazaki (aka Gary the Foodie), and hard-core food couple Drew and Pauline Lewis. To be considered, a contender had to be nominated by one of us, based on personal experience, reputation, or word-of-mouth buzz. Roughly 60 places made the first cut. Then we set out to eat with one goal: to give you our Top 20 recommendations, ranked.

The rules: Classic cheeseburgers only, topped with classic condimentia. No fast-food chain burgers, no outr toppings, no sliders (sorry Canard, you super delicious ode to White Castle).

How we scored: We filled out secret ballots, scoring burgers on a 100-point system. Once revealed, we had to defend our scores like prosecuting attorneys. Turns out, even for burger purists one person's meat heaven is anothers over-salted poison. To reach consensus, dozens of contenders were tossed. To reach the final ranking, we averaged our final scores. In the end, our favorites flashed a distinctive meat flavor, contrasting temperatures (cold toppings against the warm elements), and a sensual texturethat swoon of creamy sauce and cheese goo; that magic crunch; a beautifully toasted bun. Ultimately, every burger faces the moment of truth. Will it haunt your dreams and craving zone? You know it when you taste it.

Our mission is now complete. Take note: during the pandemic freeze, burgers are take-out or delivery only. The wise eat them in the car, as the cheeseburger gods intended, hot and fresh off the grill.

AMERICAN STANDARD

5424 NE 30th Ave, @expatriatepdx

Take-out only

DEETS 4-ounce patty, onion, ketchup, mustard, 1 slices American cheese, An Xuyen Bakery butter roll

PRICE $18, two per order

CABAL CONSENSUS We arrived at Expatriate one evening last spring, full of burger exhaustion and eater's remorse, slumped in a corner booth. But then a tell-tale smell from the kitchen revved our salivary glands. Just as whales have sonar, burger people can communicate via scenta beefy perfume that taunts olfactory caverns and shouts, Baby, you're home. Then they landed: a sea of shiny bun domes, their mouths opened like Pac Man to reveal juicy meat; an extra-thick blanket of American cheese, ecstatically melted; and two onion slices with the gravitational pull of planetary rings. No lettuce, no tomato, no secret sauce; just a big plunk of Heinz ketchup and French's mustard on top.

As a fun quest, Naomi Pomeroy, Kyle Webster, and their merry crew once set out to create the perfect burger. Based on our scores, four of us agreed: Expatriates American Standard is Portlands best burger. Even the one hold-out on that designation gave it 96 points, noting, Hey, I like my toppings. What united us? The dialed details, top to bottomthe buttered bun, toasted golden; the excellent meat with just the right grind, flavor, and texture; the artful proportions. Call it a chef burger without the chef burger trappings. Even now, as a pandemic take-out option, it hasn't missed a beat.

RANDOM NOTE The hot and sour spiced Indian fries elicited F-bombs of joy all around, down to the dippershouse curry ketchup, sumac ranch, and cilantro-raita aioli. Drew said it all: Just the right level of weird.

QUOTABLE It's not a smash burger, says Pomeroy on bucking the trend. Smash burgers are made for high-volume, fast-cooking. We're not trying to turn and burn. Our burgers take 6 minutes. We love a juicy burger. We are a medium-rare family.

CHEESEBURGER

4835 NE Sandy Blvd. @hitthespotburgers

Take-out, delivery

DEETS 3.2 ounce beef patty, shredded iceberg, tomato, sweet onions, dill pickles, smoky chipotle aioli, Franz bun

PRICE $4.99

CABAL CONSENSUS Instagram, avert your eyes. Behold: the anti-food porn burger, humble and homely. To us, this single cheeseburger best resembled its counterpart at the legendary In-N-Out chain, but with better execution. The building blocks are similar: the smash burger etched in crispy, caramelized crust; the toasty, pillowy bun; the blissful contrasts of sweet/crunch/warm/cold that burgerheads crave. But the sauce goes its own way, subtly infused with the smoke and dry heat of chipotle peppers. We cheered the qualitynatural beef; sweet onions shaved right off the bulb; home-canned Pennsylvania farm picklesfrom a parking lot food cart with a farm-to-table fast food motto. All this for five bucks? No arguments here. This is Portlands best food cart burger.Most impressive: the sense that every burger is carefully made just for you. Owner Jeremy Sivers takes your order, spins around to man the grill, then delivers your bag out front. Sorry, In-N-Out.

QUOTABLE On two occasions, we asked Sivers if In-N-Out is his muse. Once, he said, Not a huge fan. The other: I love what they do. We're all complicated.

SINGLE CHEESEBURGER

6620 SW Scholls Ferry Road (outside Uptown Beer Co), @rdburgershop

Take-out; outdoor seating available, depending on restrictions

DEETS 2.5-ounce patty, onions, pickle, Rough Draft sauce, American cheese, Franz hamburger bun

PRICE $6

CABAL CONSENSUS How excited were we to try this Seattle transplant when it appeared last August, out of nowhere, in the midst of pandemic, in a bare bones,, half-hidden food cart in a deep Southwest parking lot? Day 1: Okazaki, who does not drive, took a $70 ride to taste a $6 smash burger. Day 2: Oakley was first in line at opening time; 15 minutes later, he dropped a rave review on his Instagram story. Even Pauline dug it! And consider this: no lettuce, no tomato, no plot twists. Just the art of simplicity. Every move has been considered by friends and co-owners Nick Jarvis and Aaron Wilcenski: Oregon's prized, pasture-raised Painted Hills Natural Beef, fast-griddled into a crispy-edged beauty; wonderfully molten cheese; some pickle snap; thin onions melting into the action, and a notched-up mayo-ketchup/mustard sauce throwing faint notes of funk and barbecue. Oakley proclaimed it the Platonic ideal of a McDonald's regular cheeseburger but with a taste and execution far better than that inspiration.

RANDOM NOTE If the super-crispy waffle fries ($5) were any lighter, they would levitate from the box. Best deployed with the cheesy house whiz.

SMASH BURGER

Pop-up Dec. 12-13, 11 am 3 p.m., 8212 N Denver Ave; @derbykenton

DEETS Two 4-ounce patties, shredded lettuce, house pickles, two slices American cheese, Derby sauce, Portland French Bakery brioche bun, with house potato chips

PRICE$12

CABAL CONSENSUS Make no mistake, Judith Stokes is determined: solo business owner, proud Filipino American and, with Tita's Pista, a one-time pioneer of Mississippi's food-cart scene. Her philosophy at Derby Kenton, opened in 2018, was direct: My burger, my place. I'll put chocolate sauce on it if I want. Alas, her turmeric-laced burger experiment flopped. So she dove into classic burger research and emerged with Portland's best-kept smash burger secret. Behold: two melty cheese-clad patties; the sublime crunch of lettuce ribbons and homemade pickles; a ketchup/mayo sauce boosted by the kitchen's stoneground mustard aioli. Okazaki is still talking about it. Pauline called it a Top 5 favorite. Moaned Oakley, This is Heaven's version of a Big Mac. Imagine those rough flavors and textures, done to perfection.

CIVIL WAR We battled over the brioche bun, more typical of a bistro burger than a purist's classic. Said Oakley: The best non-Franz, non-Martin's bun yet. Honestly, I am reminiscing about the bun, which I rarely do. Retorted Pauline: Too soft, too floppy.

RANDOM NOTEDerby Kenton is currently closed to remodel its new location, reopening in early spring. Last chance till then: mid-December's window pop-up. We'll fight you for the last one.

QUOTABLE We had to ask: Is a Big Mac Stokess new muse? I've boycotted McDonald's for twenty-three years now. By no means an homage. I'm super anti-them. I support small businesses. Got it.

LOUNGE BURGER

5474 NE Sandy Blvd., @clydesprimerib

Take-out and delivery; indoor and patio dining available, depending on restrictions

DEETS 4-ounce patty, shredded lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion, burger sauce, American cheese, Franz pub bun; fries included

PRICE $9

CABAL CONSENSUS The Cabals biggest surprise. A legit, soul-warming drive-in burger (humble, detailed, crave-inducing) hiding inside of an ancient, dimly lit, beef-meets-Goodfellas steakhouse, complete with creepy chandeliers and curvy leather booths as big as Tilt-A-Whirls. At the helm: newish chef Will Boothe, who flipped the beloved burgers at historic Lighthouse Restaurant & Bar. His little-known Lounge Burger elicited gasps of happiness. The meat: Booth is bringing itrib eye, tenderloin, brisket, ground in-house. His smash burger crust is magnificent; fuhgeddaboudit. The condiments: fully loaded for crunch, contrast, and mayo-ketchup-pickle drip. Only quibble: the brioche bun, a bit heavy and bistro burger-ish.

MAJOR BONUS Stellar fries, served gratis on the side. A killer deal for 9 bucks.

QUOTABLE A lady who's worked here for 20 years breaks down fresh potatoes every week, confides Boothe. Its a whole different ballgame to make all the fries in-house.

"BEAST BURGER"

1845 NW 23rd Place (Nob Hill Food Carts), @farmerandthebeast

Take-out and delivery; outdoor seating available, depending on restrictions

DEETS Two 3-ounce patties, lettuce, shaved onion, pickles, special sauce, two slices American cheese, Franz sesame bun

PRICE $10

CABAL CONSENSUS Two laid-off pandemic-era cooks are making a last stand in a food cart that espouses dueling thoughts on the mind-body connectionone half is devoted to unrepentant, meat-rampaging smash burgers; the other, artisan bowls and salads via their longstanding farm connections. What's surprising is how well it works. The burger captures the zeitgeist of a Big Mac without the middle bun, backed by lots of crust and crisp edges, assorted textures and crunches, and what Okazaki deemed a truly special sauce. We all loved that brain-transporting fusion of warm gooey cheese and sauce, what Oakley calls the glorious glop. Points lost: the meat density is fierce, without a ton of seasoning or vegetable contrast, despite good quality beef. But overall, quite satisfying.

RANDOM NOTE Hard not to love a food cart serving polenta from Oregon's erudite Ayer's Creek Farm.

QUOTEABLE The secret to that sauce? A hidden thrum of spicy brown mustard. It's the most underrated condiment out there, confides co-owner Jeff Larson.

CHEESEBURGER

10131 NE Cascades Pkwy, @fullersburgershack

Takeout/delivery during freeze; indoor dining availabledepending on restrictions

DEETS 4-ounce patty, lettuce, tomato, crinkle-cutpickles, sweet onions, secret sauce, American cheese, Franz sesame bun

PRICE $6.95

CABAL CONSENSUS The cheeseburger is still a fixture at Fullers Coffee Shop in the Pearl, an icon and relic ofDrugstore CowboyPortland. And, as legend has it, Fuller's cheeseburger has not changed since 1947. Now, under a local restaurant group, it has a secondary lifestar attraction and raison d'etre of sister operation Fullers Burger Shack, a sterile mall spot with dreams of franchising. If anything, the Burger Shack version is a hair better than the coffee shop original. What we loved: the warm creaminess, the perfect proportions, the luscious char, the splendid crunch of whole iceberg leaves, the way the cheese pooled over the edges.

CIVIL WAR We clashed over the sauce's uber-sweetnessdistinct note or palate killer?Yes, this is the lone burger blessed with 100 points, via Oakley, who swooned, It's nearly identical to Burger Kings Whopper in construction and the Platonic ideal of that style. Its everything I want in a burger. Brooks logged in 96 points. But Drew was less convinced, going 85, and Pauline locked down at 78 points, deriding its fake-y sweetness.

QUOTEABLEUnder phone interrogation, a Fuller's employee revealed the secret to its secret sauce: mayo, ketchup, and six exotic spices, including cayenne, curry powder, and white pepper. Somewhere in Portland, its still 1947.

CLASSIC SINGLE

5410 NE 33rd Ave., @byhpdx

Pick up or delivery; outdoor dining available, depending on restrictions

DEETS4-ounce patty, shredded lettuce, sweet onions, homemade pickles, Dukes mayonnaise, brown mustard, ketchup, American cheese, Martins potato roll

PRICE$6.95

CABAL CONSENSUS Famed founder John Gorham is famously gone. But the house classic is the same as it ever was, backed by chef-loved Duke's mayo, a Southern specialty, and East Coast cult-worshipped Martin's potato rolls, made famous at Shake Shack. We found it handsome and nicely scaled, with a party of long lettuce shreds falling all about. The patty boasted a juiciness that eluded many burgers we tried. Where it lost points: the bun (despite that nice squish, needed more toasting), the sweet onions (elusive), and the zucchini pickles (slightly weird). But bottom line, overheard at first bite: Damn, thats good. Sweet price, too.

CIVIL WAR We battled over the impact of brown mustard, an unconventional choice. Okazaki called it a nice touch, an unexpected zing. Oakley cringed.

RANDOM NOTE $3 for a can of Diet Coke? For two buckeroos, we coulda ordered your Miller High Life instead. The Cabal rage-sipped.

CHEESEBURGER

1207 SE Hawthorne Blvd., @bottlerocketpdx

Take-out, delivery, outdoor seating available depending on restrictions

DEETS 4-ounce patty, shredded iceberg, raw and grilled onions, kosher dills, Sriracha mayo, Cheddar cheese, Franzpubbun

PRICE $10

CABAL CONSENSUS Head into the heart of Cartopia, Portlands OG food cart pod, to find a fun-loving, hand-hewn burger-joint diner without walls, with calls out to Asian kitsch, artisan culture, and Portland's beloved, R.I.P. dive-bar Club 21 burger. First, let's be clear: the house mayo sauce is hoo-boy spicy, but in other respects, this burger worships classic form. What grabbed us: the rich flavors, the cold-crisp-crunchy elements, the toasty Franz bun, and the hard-formed, nicely charred patty flashing chuck from esteemed meat purveyor Nicky USA. Kudos on the onions, which go acoustic and electric, some raw, some sweetly caramelized. Drawback: the M.I.A. cheese flavor on the burger's back half.

CIVIL WAR That Sriracha mayo sauce. Most agreed: the heat overwhelmed an otherwise lovely burger. Only Okazaki dissented, arguing: I gave it extra points. It's different.

QUOTEABLE Opined Oakley mid-bite: After years after worshipping Martins potato rolls, I now conclude that a well-toasted Franz bun can be superior.

''PORTLAND"

3111 SE Division St., @pdxsliders

Take-out and delivery; indoor and outdoor dining available, depending on restrictions

DEETS 6-ounce patty, raw onions, pickle, aioli, American cheese, Portland French Bakery brioche bun; fries included

PRICE $11

CABAL CONSENSUS In 2016, a Yelp army rallied behind this Sellwood food truck. Aa year later, it was a brick-and-mortar and now, PDX Sliders has Portlands mini-chain fever. Though best-known for playful sliders, the kitchen also erects a full-sized classic cheeseburger. Its not The Wire of burgers, but more like Friends: rewatchable, well-crafted, very likeable. Noteworthy: the ring of smoky char on a tasty bun; that little smack of salt in the beefy meat; the right cheese drip; and big-tasting pickles. What it lacked: contrast, so key to a truly great burger. With lettuce and tomato, or maybe ketchup and mustard, it could be pretty perfect.

RANDOM NOTE The deal includes, seriously, a tray of fries. Noted Drew: Its like a generous pour. You taste something more than potatoes here.

TAVERN BURGER

825 N Killingsworth Ave., @tulipshoptavern

Take-out only; indoor dining available, depending on restrictions

DEETS 4-ounce patty, shredded lettuce, dill pickles, onion, special sauce, American cheese, Dos Hermanos milk bun

PRICE$8

CABAL CONSENSUS When we extracted insider lists from other classic burger hunters, one name kept popping up: the tasty drive thru model at Tulip Shop Tavern, open mid-2019. The place immediately grabbed us, a new spot that feels like an old shoewarm and personal; crooning vinyl music; spot-on vintage drinks. Burgers to beer list, it's what you might expect from industry vets with trench time at Higgins, Rum Club, and Saraveza bottle shop. Admittedly, the vibes elevated the pleasure of a solid, straight-up 1960s-era burger with some loving touchesa thin smash patty, cooked just crisp-right; a fluffy milk bun toasted in clarified butter for a cleaner flavor. Happy to eat one again. Wish list: more cheese, please.

RANDOM NOTE Surprisingly great fries, hand-cut and double fried. Choose a trio of gratis sauces from eight options, curry ketchup to honey mustard.

See more here:

Portland's 20 Best Cheeseburgers, Exhaustively Argued and Ranked - Portland Monthly