President Obama's new "Passenger's Bill of Rights" should come in handy now with the massive apocalyptic snowstorms ravaging the northeast and cheering children's hearts. If you sit on the tarmac in a plane for more than two hours and haven't been given food or water, or for more than three hours and haven't been given the option of getting off the goddamn plane, the airline is now subject to massive fines ($27,500 per passenger).

Previously, pilots would keep planes on the tarmac as long as possible out of fear of losing their place in the takeoff line, and an average of 1,500 flights (114,000 passengers) per year violate these new laws. Message to American, Delta, USAir et al: You want us to sit for longer than a movie, you better bring me some damn pretzels. [NYTimes]