Learning how to achieve financial independence and retire early (FIRE) is pretty simple in theory. Ive covered some key technical concepts is past articles. These include the math behind building wealth quickly and simple tax planning strategies common in the FIRE community.

While the concepts are simple in theory, they are not always easy in practice. Ive studied early retirees and discovered key strategies and patterns of behavior that separate them from those living a more conventional lifestyle. Continuing that theme, I have identified three actions that have been key in allowing for my own early retirement. Oh, and Im only 41 years old.

The story you tell yourself becomes your reality Chad Kellogg, American alpinist

It is documented that you are more likely to obtain goals when you write them down. I propose you go one step further and write your own story.

In my case, I observed the happiest and most passionate people I knew were my ski bum or dirtbag climbing friends. However, most were living a life of financial risk with little security.

I also observed many on the other side of the spectrum: professional people who had money and prestige. However, they were trading away most of their time working while they still had the health, energy, and vitality to pursue their passions. At the end of the day, few seemed genuinely happy or fulfilled.

The common narrative is that you must choose between a false dichotomy of life focused on career and money or a life focused on things like passion, fulfillment, and family. I wasnt happy with this choice, though. I wrote a simple essay about having the best of both worlds, which I titled Dirtbag Millionaires. Then, I started figuring out how to piece that life together for myself.

This may all sound clich, even a little cheesy. However, if we think about it, someone is writing each of our stories. Its just a matter of who that someone is.

It is important to realize we all have the ability to create our own narrative. And if you want to retire early, writing this story is mandatory.

you should have a running list of three people that youre always watching: someone senior to you that you want to emulate, a peer who you think is better at the job than you are and who you respect, and someone subordinate whos doing the job you didbetter than you did it. Chris Fussell, former US Navy SEAL officer

I recently came across the above quote in Tim Ferriss new book, Tools of Titans. It came in response to the question, How do you define success? Personally, I think this is excellent advice for those looking to do something extraordinary with their lives. Nearly everyone follows the same path: birth, school, work, retire, die. For those of us on a different path, though, it can be challenging to gauge how we are really doing. Having, and watching, these three people in our life gives us a yardstick against which we can compare our progress.

My wife and I worked with a conventional financial advisor for about a decade. He repeatedly told us how well we were doing. Compared to our peers leading a conventional lifestyle, he was right. However, following conventional financial advice meant massive investing and tax planning mistakes. This cost us over $20,000 in excessive fees, unnecessary taxes, and opportunity costs in just our last year of using his services.

About five years ago, Id had enough and took control of my finances. I began reading early retirement blogs like Early Retirement Extreme. Soon after, I moved to Mr. Money Mustache and The Mad Fientist. While each of these blogs was very enlightening and technically helpful, I found that their focus on the fastest and most efficient path to retirement was not consistent with my values.

Related: How to Build Wealth Quickly So You Can Retire Early

I became overly focused on money and retirement. Despite already having a very high savings rate, I began watching every penny we spent. I became excessively focused on regretting past financial mistakes and wanting a future of freedom from work.

For the first time in my life, money became a stressor. While my knowledge and wealth grew, I became less happy.

I needed better benchmarks to compare myself against a way to define our success. So, I began to search for others whose attitudes and values better lined up with my own.

I continued reading early retirement blogs to find others who had already done what I wanted to do. Two that I found extremely helpful were Todd Tresidder at Financial Mentor and Darrow Kirkpatrick at Can I Retire Yet? They demonstrated a more sustainable path to FIRE and were living lives consistent with what I desired in my own retirement.

I then began connecting with peers who had comparable stories and were at similar places on their journey. This included the bloggers behind Our Next Life, who are on our same timeline to retirement and share our passion for the outdoors. I became friends with Chad Carson, who has taken a very different path to FIRE as a real estate investor, but has very similar values, interests, and family situation to my own.

Learn More: How to Make Money Blogging

I also connected with the bloggers behind Slowly Sipping Coffee after reading their description of a fully funded lifestyle change, which was more in line with our values than a traditional retirement. More recently, my wife and I joined a mastermind group of similar couples. Having peers on a similar journey has been very helpful. We are able to share the triumphs and discuss the challenges of this unusual lifestyle.

Finally, I began connecting with those behind me in their journey to FI. This includes Jared Casazza, who writes the blog Fifth Wheel Physical Therapist about his journey from 6 figure debt to FI in 5 years. It also led me to connect with a Dough Roller reader/listener Andrew, who I have been coaching for the past few months.

Helping those behind me has forced me to develop a deeper understanding of our own ideas, theories, and processes. Learning their stories has made me appreciative of how far we have come on our own journey.

the old story was freedom from: freedom from work, freedom from having to get up in the morning, freedom from lots of things. The new story is freedom to. Richard Leider, Author of Life Reimagined

Many people think early retirement is difficult, if not impossible. They think it is too hard to save enough money to support them indefinitely. Following the 4% rule seems like it would be stressful. They do not know how they would ever pay for health insurance. They think they would get bored.

I agree partially (or fully) with all of the above sentiments if retirement is defined in a traditional sense. Worse yet, retirement often deviates from the happy, carefree time so many imagine. In fact, retirement is associated with an increased risk of anxiety and depression! This didnt sound like anything I wanted for myself, so I simply redefined retirement.

I stopped worrying about trying to save every penny, with the idea that retirement meant never again making money. I have accepted that the future is always uncertain, so I focused on building a substantial nest egg while also building great flexibility into my plan. This allowed me to reach a point where earning money will never again be the central focus of my life. Going forward, my life may, at times, look very different. It may look like that of a part-time or seasonal worker, stay-at-home dad, entrepreneur, ski bum, freelancer, student, teacher or any combination of the above.

Related: Is the RAM Better Than the 4% Rule?

Seth Godin has a great quote: Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you dont need to escape from. I chose to apply this idea to retirement planning.

Not needing to make money will give me freedom with my time. Building in a plan to also do some paid work will give me the opportunity to live a lifestyle of abundance, rather than one focused around a strict budget. It will also allow me to continue to build social connections and live a purpose driven life.

There are probably some of you who would criticize this plan as not really retired. However, this definition of retirement is in alignment with the principles of the Life Reimagined program, developed by AARP to address the many challenges and downsides of traditional retirement.

When I started getting serious about early retirement, I became obsessed with the technical how-tos. I needed to plan out where my financial threshold was how much did I need to save now, in order for this flexible plan to really work? While I dont have every step planned out and I dont know exactly what my retirement will look like down the road, I know that I am happy with the freedom and flexibility it provides me. Its important to realize just how possible it is for you to achieve a similar outcome, too.

Write your own story; develop systems to measure your progress, and define what you want for your life. You may be amazed by where you find yourself in just a few short years.

Read more:

How I Reached Financial Independence By Age 40 - The Dough Roller