Dora Guo

Last week, I was nestled in the depths of Bass Library doing work, by which I mean eating Peanut M&Ms and figuring out which readings for the next mornings class I could get away with not doing. Around the corner, I heard a conversation between some students complaining about the workload for their chemistry class. I was a bit bothered by their volume but it wasnt until one of them said that the pre-med track is killer, I shouldve just settled with watching a little Greys Anatomy and done a different major that I became alarmed. Settled? For Greys Anatomy?

I realized at that moment that Yale pre-meds feelings of superiority over medical drama audiences had gone too far, so I instigated the following correspondence:

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Dear Yale Pre-meds:

I feel comfortable calling myself a doctor. I know the steps to an appendectomy (or an appy, as doctors like me say), I know the proper locations for scalpel incision, I can find the aorta, I can insert a chest tube. Ive learned to work under pressure, to keep my hands steady and to stay standing for 10 hours straight. Im not just a doctor Im a good one.

I say this not because Im on the pre-med track like you all, but because Ive watched 16 seasons of Greys Anatomy, which I will argue is probably more important. I know you are all likely busy studying for your organic chemistry midterm, so Ill try to keep this brief.

Greys begins after each protagonist has completed medical school and is ready to start their surgical residency at Seattle Grace Hospital. Just through watching the first few seasons of the show, I was able to experience the internship (first year of residency) experience first-hand. I was there when George OMalley held a heart in a broken-down elevator, and when Meredith Grey held her hand in a mans chest so that a bomb wouldnt detonate typical residency things. I felt their all-nighters, their stress and their competition.

I hate to break it to you all and I know that this can be an uncomfortable conversation to have but you are all simply college students. You may have fantasies in your head about being chief of cardiothoracic surgery at Johns Hopkins, but your doctor life at this point consists of memorizing names of proteins and polyatomic ions in your bedroom as you watch that biochem lecture you didnt attend two weeks ago.

I know that youre learning a lot about the human body in your classes, but you havent been in the field like I have. Season 17 premieres on Nov. 12. Hop on, or risk falling behind.

Love,

Owen

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Dear Owen,

We arent completely sure why you decided to write us a letter, and were even less sure as to why were responding to you. Not only do we consider you to be a threat should you ever be around someone in need of medical help (please call 911, Owen), but Greys Anatomy is also riddled with medical inaccuracies and exists almost purely as a drama, not a source of education. You have no clue how to perform an appendectomy.

On a more personal note, Greys is just not a good show. All the main characters are, quite frankly, annoying, and the plot arc gets repetitive. Find a better show, please.

With warm regards,

Yale Pre-meds

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Hey fools!

I hope your orgo midterm went ok, although Im guessing it didnt, considering a happy person wouldnt write such a passive aggressive letter or is that just your pre-med personality? Anyway.

The Shonda Rhimes masterpiece that is Greys Anatomy has only lasted over 15 years because there is such a high demand for it if it wasnt popular, how could it be Americas longest-running medical drama? How could it rake in 39 Emmy nominations? So, lets unpack your distaste for the show; do you dislike it because its popular? Are you quirky, and adamant that the shows you watch be different than the mainstream? Im sorry you feel that way. Youre missing out.

Sure, some of the characters are annoying. But Cristina Yang youre going to insult Sandra Oh like that? Alex Karev may start the show off as a jerk, but over the course of 16 seasons he gradually grows into a sweet, empathetic division chief. Not sure about you all, but to me, that is an excellent plot arc.

In terms of me being a threat who are you to say that? Lets compare how we would each react to a dangerous situation. If the patient codes and requires CPR, you will do one of the following: recite a bunch of jargon and definitions you had to memorize for your chem final, email your professor for help or simply freeze. You havent experienced the time pressure required to react to these situations the way I have (as a reminder, Ive gone through Season 9, so I can handle it).

Is the show not always 100 percent accurate? Sure. But the average for all of your last bio exam was what, a 65? There are no curves in the real world, sweetheart. I can promise you that the show is far more accurate than you are.

Screw your warm regards.

Xoxo,

Owen

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Dear Owen,

Nice to hear from you again. Your situation is no longer of interest to us.

Having binged a medical drama does not make you a doctor.

Have a wonderful day,

Yale Pre-meds

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Hey nerds,

I appreciate your thoughtful reply, although it actually wasnt thoughtful at all. I have some reminders for you all before you enter the world of medicine, because Id hate for you to fuck it up:

Being a doctor requires the ability to build strong relationships with patients. As a Greys fan, Ive seen Meredith get to know her patients so well she could likely recite to me their whole life story, and Ive seen Alex create environments of rich mutual trust between him and the kids in the pediatrics wing. Ive spent years watching these friendships unfold, to the point that I know Id be able to cultivate similar ones. I am sympathetic and kind if I were your doctor, I would make you feel at home.

You all, on the other hand, are a different story. As a patient of the Yale pre-med email service, I do not feel at home. I feel rejected and I feel looked down upon. You have not proved yourselves as warm-hearted doctors. In the words of Chief Webber in Season 1, This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? Thats up to you.

How are you going to play?

I realize there might be an inclination on your part to reach back out to me for advice I know you all want to be better doctors. But, despite my talent as a mentor, I cannot do that for you. To quote my favorite character on the show, Stephanie Edwards, Deal with your jealousy. Deal with your shortcomings. Dont put your crap on me.

With that, you are on your own.

Best of luck,

Owen

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Hello:

This is an automated response from Yale Pre-meds. Your request cannot be processed at this time, because you have been placed on a blocked email list. Please contact the Yale Office of Pre-med Services for more information.

Best,

Yale Pre-meds

Owen Tucker-Smith | owen.tucker-smith@yale.edu

Link:
Why Having Watched All 16 Seasons of Grey's Anatomy Makes Me More of a Doctor Than Yale Pre-Meds - Yale Daily News